The Rolling Stones and a similar Hole song keep running through my head.
This past week has been okay. And by “okay” I mean it sorta sucked. There were some good things – I spent time with my family, enjoyed watching my nieces and nephews open their gifts, had good conversations with other relatives, and went to a friend’s annual sober Christmas event.
But about the sucky part. Since the day I stepped out of treatment nearly 2 years ago, it’s been a goal of mine to open a sober living home – a safe living environment for a group of recovering people. Generally people move into one after treatment or completion of a halfway house program. Others elect to live there just because they’re a good option for affordable housing and a good source of support for those in recovery. The concept has always clicked with me as being something spectacular. There’s a certain degree of magic that emanates from sober houses that you just don’t find elsewhere. They’re a place where a group of people in similar situations try to help each other out.
This past week I had made plans to move into such a place as the resident house manager. I thought it would be a good opportunity to take an interim step into a sober housing venture – a chance for me to learn the business of running a sober house. Along with that, I thought it would be a great exercise in humility, service work, and a chance to be a part of that magic that happens in these places. I was preparing to move out of my condo, possibly put my things in storage, attempt to rent out my place, and change my life.
When I was reviewing the contract to move in, it occurred to me that something in my personal life was in direct conflict with one of the house rules. I disclosed the fact, and as it turns out, the conflict was too large to let go of, and me moving in was not going to work out.
I’m disappointed with the outcome of the situation. It makes me sad that I can’t participate. I have to believe that there is a reason things happened the way they did, as I cannot afford to carry any resentments.
Looking towards the future, I’m going to continue my quest to open a sober home. I’m unsure when it will happen, but I will keep taking steps to get there.