Things You Just Don’t See at Home

So many grown men in such tiny little bathing suits.

Guy riding a moped at top speed down a busy street with ragged clothes, lurched over with a hunchback, a pink bag tied up and hanging from his clenched teeth, and a plastic crate bunjee-corded to the back of the bicycle holding a tea-cup Chihuahua peering over the edge in apparent horror. If the dog had opposable thumbs, it’d be holding on for dear life.

Beautiful sunsets.

Banderas Bay Sunset
Banderas Bay Sunset

Street artists balancing boulders on the shore for tips.

Street artist balancing boulders for tips on the Malecon in Puerto Vallarta
Street artist balancing boulders for tips on the Malecon in Puerto Vallarta

The last few days have been spent in my usual routine. Breakfast at CoCo’s Kitchen followed by time at Dee’s and the magical Americanos they serve. A run around noon, followed up by a visit to Acqua for a workout. Then comes nap time or the beach, a meeting, dinner, and generally back at the hotel and in bed by 11:00.

I’ve actually enjoyed getting into running here. I’ve now been able to run nearly 2 miles without a break – a first for me! I hope I can keep it up upon my return home.

The other day at Dee’s the middle-aged man with the heavy tan and multiple tattoos was around again. Again, he would butt into people’s conversations unsolicited. This time he struck up a conversation with one of the tourists and revealed a bit more about himself. Turns out he’s a doctor. Or at least that’s what he purports. He performs “laser surgery” for a multitude of conditions. Much of his business is tattoo removal, but he’s been selling weight loss services as of late. My interest was peaked – how does he use a laser for weight loss?

He went on. The treatment involves using the laser in some fashion, a special massage technique, followed by the client drinking LOTS of water. Within months, he’s had 25 pounds melt away himself using the procedure.

What a charlatan! He lit a cigarette and went on to recommend the tourist only buy a certain brand of cigarettes while here in Mexico. A smoking doctor. SRSLY!

I had dinner with Angel on Wednesday night. He’s a sweetie who I met working at the Coffee Cup on Gomez last year. He’s since started a new job at a smaller, 60-room hotel in the Hotel Zone. It’s closer to his home and pays better. We ate at The Swedes, where Rikard was in, so we chatted a bit. Dinner was very good, as I’ve come to expect from them. Afterwards we walked down the Malceon to Roberto’s and enjoyed a couple of scoops of gelatin (and saw the rock balancer mentioned above). Wednesday is his day off, so I think we may get together again next week.

Last evening I met up with Adolpho for dinner. We went up to TASTE, the restaurant at Casa Cupula – a gay luxury resort billed as one of the top five gay hotels in the world by such and such magazine or website. It was very nice, but for the price, I would prefer to be closer to the beach and the buzz of the city, and not far away up on the hill where its situated.

A few nights back somebody referenced a lady in town who had really long fingernails. I didn’t think much of it at the time, and don’t even remember what context she was mentioned in. Low and behold, there are the restaurant, at the table next to us was seated four older white people – two men and two women. Halfway through the dinner I noticed the lady who kept looking over at me. She had fingernails at least two inches long!

I felt like I’d been dropped into a scene in David Lynch’s Twin Peaks, discovering the urban myth of a lady in town with the long fingernails. It was really quite disgusting. I would sneak a peak at her on occasion and she would get food on her nails and lick them. After eating she used her nails to dig deep into her mouth to remove pieces of food – and then lick whatever she had dug up. This certainly belonged in a scene after the short man in the red room with the funny voice.

One thought on “Things You Just Don’t See at Home

  1. Great post, my friend ! Speaking of things you don’t see at home… on vacation recently when I went for my run on the boardwalk on Venice Beach, I passed a shirtless, one-legged man riding one of those Rascal motorized scooters while smoking a huge cigar and leading possum along on a lease beside him. Only in California.

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