… and I am Somebody male. in my thirties. recovering alcoholic. live in minneapolis. work in progress. gay. serenity please.

swimming in humidity

07.20.2004 · Posted in Recovery

It’s so humid out today, as it was yesterday. You walk outside and you feel like you’re walking through a thick stew. As Paul Majors said on the news last night, your body loses it’s ability to cool down by sweating because the air is so humid your sweat won’t evaporate. Yuck.

Do you ever get yourself so psyched up over something and then it doesn’t happen? Like counting your chickens before they’ve hatched? I find myself doing it all too often. I start thinking about after the chickens hatch I can have them start laying eggs, and I can kill one for lunches for the next week, and on and on and on… I get myself all excited, and then let down. I guess I still have to work on my second and third step – living by God’s will, not my own.

My roommate was talking about moving to New York again last night. It sounds like he really wants to do it, and is probably leaning towards going. He has to let his job know by Monday. The suspense is sorta bothering me, but at the same time, I’m trying to “let go and let God.” If he moves, life does go on. It’s sad, though. We’ve both become very codependant on each other. I love the guy to death, and vice versa. I feel like lately the conversations have been leaning towards him wanting me to tell him to go… which I have, just not in so many words. What I’ve told him is that he can’t factor me into his decision – he has to do this or not do it for himself, not me. Of course I want him to stay, but I know myself that taking this job in NY would be a great opportunity for him, and probably the right thing to do. I just know that if he does do it, he won’t be back and we’ll never be as close as we are now. Am I being selfish?

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