How many relationships end up “happily ever after” or even on amicable terms? From my experience, it takes many attempts before something eventually works out.
Recently I’ve seen a few relationships go sour. The pain these folks are now in seems almost unbearable. Depression and feelings of little self-worth exude themselves while in their presence.
If so few relationships work out, why do people continually seek them out? The risk factor going into them seems so high, the potential for success so low.
In recovery, I’ve often seen newcomers (people young in their recovery journey) latch onto prospective partners. If even a nibble is bitten off the line, they reel ’em in and hold on for all life’s worth. It seems a little unfortunate on a few levels.
One, often times people who suffer from addiction will replace their drugs with a relationship. They become so immersed in it that they cannot see their lives without the other person. It’s the same co-dependent relationship they had with their drugs.
Secondly, most folks in early recovery who begin a relationship, relapse. It’s a statistic I’ve seen occur over and over again. Nobody thinks it will happen to them. They think they’re different. They might admit that there’s a “small chance it doesn’t work out” but I’d be fine if that happened because I’m sober now. The troubling thing is that most of these relationships don’t work out, and a relapse is never far behind.
Too often, too, a relationship in early recovery will go sour and while they may not officially break up, they may relapse together, at which point the drugs or alcohol become their number one friend and the partner becomes a means to an end.
Even after one has achieved some length of sobriety, seemingly has their live in order, their spiritual path heavily trodden on, and all seems well, relationships can cause great havoc in one’s life.
The only method I’ve seen people survive with relationships is to first love themselves, and then their partners. Aside from all of that other jazz – maintaining a healthy level of spirituality, making good decisions, doing esteemable things, and being of service whenever possible.
Relationships frighten me. I haven’t been seriously involved with anyone in a long time. I’m scared for the wreck that may be awaiting, and I’m fearful of becoming vulnerable.
However, it seems to me that the people who succeed in relationships tend to reap the rewards of putting their hearts on the line earlier. Is it worth it to try?