… and I am Somebody male. in my thirties. recovering alcoholic. live in minneapolis. work in progress. gay. serenity please.

I once caught myself …

02.12.2005 · Posted in Recovery

… in the women’s bathroom at O’Donovan’s in Minneapolis. Some friends were throwing a going-away party for a former coworker who was moving to New York. I was moving amongst the crowd taking photos of the party attendees and suddenly realized that I had to use the bathroom. Well the mens bathroom had a line 4 people deep, but there was nobody in line next door at the ladies room, so I decided I was feminine enough anyway, I might as well reap the benefits of being gay. So I entered.

I completely forgot I had a camera in hand and it didn’t occur to me how suspicous I must have looked – here was a guy, going into the women’s bathroom, holding a fucking camera!

Three girls at the counter immediately turned around staring at me. Shock on their faces.

I started waving my hands around, reading the camera, and said, “Alright girls – I need some photos. Make it look like you’re primping. Get your hair going, put some makeup on. We’ve got a show to put on.” My panic turned to smiles and they actually played along. I snapped a few photos and darted.

Then I held my about-to-burst-bladder while I waited in line at the men’s room.

Back at the party, the person in question (who the party was held in honor of), was busy with the girl I paid to talk to him. He was telling her about his move to NYC and his plans there. The truth was he was moving to Philladelphia – he just told everyone he was moving to New York because he was too embarassed to tell people that he was moving in with his parents.

But I’m not bitter. No, I’m not bitter that he was upset with me because I was the hit of his party. I’m not bitter that I paid a girl $10 to kiss him on his last night in town and he was nothing but rude to me.

It’s hard to believe that things (okay, mostly me) have changed so much in the past year. I had no idea that my behavoir was out of control. I drank to make people like me, then to like myself, and eventually my drinking morphed me into someone that nobody liked – myself included.

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