… and I am Somebody male. in my thirties. recovering alcoholic. live in minneapolis. work in progress. gay. serenity please.

Financed Blowjob

09.27.2005 · Posted in Autobiographical, Recovery

It was the Wednesday night before the Thanksgiving holiday. I didn’t have to work the following day and wouldn’t have to be at my parents’ house until the late afternoon, so of course I was at the bar.

A year prior, on this very same night, I had been visiting another fine establishment on Hennepin Ave, where I met an officer of the Minneapolis police department. He continued to purchase drinks for me as fast as I could finish them. We stood at the bar – me telling tall tales and staring in envy at the bartender, while he politely listened. When the bar closed at 1:00 AM, I promptly totalled my car within 30 seconds of getting into it. It was fun explaining that one to my family at the Thanksgiving dinner table.

But I digress.

I find myself at the bar again. Really, where else would I be? I didn’t want to miss out on all the fun sure to be happening. Afterall, the holidays always bring fresh meat to the bar. Guys who don’t have families to visit with around the holidays, guys who are in town visiting for the holidays, students out on the town without school – this was a night I wouldn’t miss.

After all the drinking, the dancing, the drinking, the smoking, the drinking, the gossiping, the drinking, I found myself among few patrons at the end of the night. A cute guy in his mid-twenties wearing a baseball cap passed me on his way to the bar. I, having enough liquid courage built up, approached him.

“Hi, I’m Dan.”

“Hey, I’m Joel.”

“What are you up to tonight?”

“I’m in town from D.C. visiting my aunt for the holiday.”

“Wanna go back to my place?”

“Sure.”

My roommate was out of town visiting his family for the holiday, so I had the place to myself. I instructed my visitor to park in a designated guest spot and we headed to the sign-in sheet.

“What’s your license plate number?”

“I dunno – it’s my Aunt’s car.”

“Aww, fuckit – they won’t tow you.”

We proceeded inside and to the elevator. By the time we reached my floor we were already in each other’s pants. Drunk, but still able to unlock the door, we entered my place and down the hall to my bedroom. Clothes came off, groping, kissing, moaning – you know the drill. He started to suck me off. After a couple minutes I felt myself beginning to lose my hard-on and the room was spinning. Embarrassed, I pushed him away.

He tried to force my face down on him to reciprocate. Too dizzy and feeling some nausea coming on, I refused and passed out shortly after.

In the morning I woke up alone. The fog took a few moments to clear before I remembered what had transpired. I rolled over and looked at the clock. Noon. Then I heard him in the kitchen pouring himself a glass of water. Fuck. Why can’t you just leave?

I rolled back over and heard other strange noises as I fell back asleep.

I woke again an hour later. I stayed in bed for as long as I could – roughly five minutes of silence before my bladder couldn’t hold off any longer. I crossed my fingers that he’d left by this time and darted for the bathroom. Ahhh, finally the release I was looking for.

I walked out to the kitchen, poured myself a glass of water and then made my way around the corner into the living room.

I noticed it immediately. My brand new $2,200 Dell Laptop was gone. There were three laptops setup and he took the most expensive one. I had just purchased it a month prior. Actually, purchased isn’t quite the right word. I charged it on a new credit card a month prior. I hadn’t even made the first payment.

MOTHER FUCKER

I ran to my bedroom, threw on some clothes and ran out the door. Pacing back and forth waiting for the elevator. Reaching the lobby I turned the corner into view of the guest spot his car had occupied. No sight of him.

We hadn’t filled out the guest parking registry. I had heard him that morning and just rolled over. I should have reciprocated the blowjob.

I went back upstairs, laid in my bed and looked around. Boxes still not unpacked from moving in more than a year prior. Clothes strewn all over the place. I was a wreck. And it was going to take me a few years of minimum payments to pay off that blowjob.

20 Responses to “Financed Blowjob”

  1. Hi there-
    I am a gay guy in the Twin Cities too. I have been on my road to stopping drinking and what not for a few months. Sure I have one here and there with friends, but each time it is in my mind “is this my last?” I am ready to be done and for a while I have found you to be inspiring. Maybe you will believe me and maybe you won’t. But I am at that point where having someone to love and a family is more important to me than getting ripped beyond belief. I would love to meet up with you some afternoon for lunch, coffee or any other arbitrary commodity which you choose. I am a grad student at the UofM and have my life on trac and wish I had someone I could support and whom I could support too….what do you think?

  2. NO THEFT INSURANCE?

  3. Hey Dan. I’m just dropping you a line to say that you’re a wonderful person. Unfortunately my social life is still gay-bar related so I don’t get to see you too often.

  4. Yes, blow jobs can be expensive. LOL

  5. Yikes. Reminds me why I haven’t picked someone up and brought them home in a long time.

  6. Great blog… Thanks for reminding us of lessons learned. It makes us all a little wiser.

  7. Now THAT was a story! Thank you for sharing that today – definitely needed to hear it. 🙂 Hope you’re day is going well …

  8. Somebody told me says:

    I wouldn’t have stolen your laptop.

  9. I have about 30 years of similar versions to that story. Some of us take a little longer to “get it” than others. I don’t even want to try to put a dollar figure on it.

  10. Omg, bet you never thought something like that could happen to you, pretty much like I’m thinking something like that could never happen to me right now.

  11. As I write this from my 2,200 dollar Dell laptop, which I normally keep in my aunts car, I am appalled that someone could do such a thing.

  12. I’d say “that sucks,” but because you didn’t (suck), it did (suck)… or something like that.

    I can’t believe I’m the first person to make that stupid joke.

    Kidding aside, it is unfortunate that happened to you.

  13. Thanks for helping me get out of my head today.

  14. I know there’s a moral to this wildly entertaining story, yet I find myself thinking, “Damn, who can I blow for $2,200?” Nice blog U got here, methinks I’ll stick around.

  15. hey, love the blog… sorry I don’t remember how I stumbled onto it. I find it interesting b/c my dad is an acoholic. Anyway I was wondering if I could ask you a question… Did anyone try to approach you or try to get you into treatment? Is there any advice you could have for a relative of an alcoholic? I don’t know if it’s even right to ask, but I figured what the hell. Anyway I guess i just wondered if there was something someone could have done to help you – before things got so far out of control. Thanks for your openess, it really does help to see the other side of things.

  16. Dan! That’s fucked up. Heh. I’m so glad you gave all that up. 🙂

  17. Hey, David – if you’re considering stopping drinking, you should go to an AA meeting. Check out glbtinrecovery.com for some local gay meetings to get you started.

    Andy, if you’re worried about your dad’s drinking, I’d suggest going to an Al-Anon meeting. They’re there for people just like you. I’m afraid that you likely can’t force your Dad to go get help, nor admit that he’s even got a problem. If you attempt to bring it up with him, he’ll likely think you’re the one with the problem, and develop a resentment towards you. Google Al-Anon to find a meeting near you.

  18. Very funny in hindsight. I am sure it was not funny at all at the time. lol
    Arent you glad it is not like that anymore? And it wont be like that this Thanksgiving either.

  19. What a bastard!!! That sucks…

  20. Anonymous says:

    Yes.. I agree ..8