… and I am Somebody male. in my thirties. recovering alcoholic. live in minneapolis. work in progress. gay. serenity please.

Don’t have to be crazy

06.21.2004 · Posted in Recovery

… don’t have to be crazy, I don’t have to be crazy, I don’t have…

I met with a couple of friends for coffee tonight. One was having a hard time with some roommates and an arrangement he had with them. He was so worked up over it – very agitated and couldn’t stop dwelling on it. His roommate was clearly in the wrong, but his roommate’s craziness was making HIM crazy – it was like craziness via osmosis!

Thank gawd I was with two more-senior-sober-than-I-people who had some great advice. One of them said a very wise thing – “You don’t have to be crazy, too.”

I thought that was super-fantastic. You know when you can recognize when somebody else is crazy. Deal with it and move on – don’t let it suck you in.

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I don’t want my blog

06.18.2004 · Posted in Autobiographical

I don’t want my blog to become a place for me to store my ‘hot guy
collection,’ but I was just reading Greg’s blog, who posted a comment to one of my posts, and had to share a piece of heaven I found there with all of you. Sisters, this is what we call a MAN:

Click the photo for a bigger version of this
man!

God bless the great American pasttime for producing left-fielder, Pat Burrell, of the Philly Phillies.

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Props for blogger peeps

06.18.2004 · Posted in Friends

I added a few people to my site template under the ‘friends’ list on your right.

Thanks to Andy at eleventh avenue south who put together a list of queer bloggers in the Minneapolis area and listed me!

Dunner invited me to get a gmail account seems super cool, but since friendster is so flaky we can’t seem to be friends yet 🙁

And of course Jimbo, the first person to email me after I put up my blog. He’s a bundle of energy and super nice.

Anyway, I’m going to finish up transfering my blog to a different server (I’m consolidating down to one!) and head to Wilde Roast while the transfer finishes up. Todd makes the best deserts in town!

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Drama

06.17.2004 · Posted in Family

So I made some of my own drama last night.

Had a great dinner with my parents and brother. Though my Dad and brother both had a couple of beers, which I thought was strange. I guess I only thought it was strange because I thought they would try to be considerate and not drink around me. I probably would have thought it was weird had they not drank, because I don’t want people to treat me any differently just because I’m no longer drinking … oh well. I don’t care that they did.

My mom is super-nervous all the time. Being with her in public, or even at home, is a little nerve-wracking because she’s got such high anxiety. Surprisingly she was pretty well behaved at dinner – no nervous outbreaks, so I thought things went well.

Then an hour later she calls up and leaves me this voicemail, near tears, that she’s sorry for what she said tonight and that she didn’t intend for it to ‘come out that way.’ I had no idea what she was referring to. So I called her back. It was really nothing – just something we had joked about during dinner, that she thought I had taken offense to – which I hadn’t. We worked it all out and things are fine now, but it’s stuff like this that really makes me sad for my mom. She can’t behave normally. She’s always worked up about something, or anxious, or nervous, or depressed, or crying. She’s never happy, which is so sad. It’s too bad I can’t do more than try to be there for her, except that being there for her drives me crazy sometimes. She’s another one who naturally creates drama but I don’t think she ever realizes it… she is so deep in her drama that she doesn’t seem to know where reality is anymore.

Back to work now.

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*waving white flag*

06.14.2004 · Posted in Recovery

Gosh, I feel sorta like Doogie Howser writing every night before I go to bed. Hah. Except I’m not a 14 year old doctor 😉

My sunburned ass was drug to Homo Depot tonight to pick out flowers for a friend’s patio. It was actually sorta fun, and I saw a ton of Scotts and Miracle-Gro products, which is cool, since I work on their websites and rarely see the actual product. We picked up some plants and then went off to a meeting in St. Paul.

It was a really cool meeting. Huge barbecue in the backyard of a house near the Fellowship Club. Lots of newbies there like myself, but they were all very cool. A buddy I’ve met in the program, Jay, was the evening’s leader. It was his duty to run the meeting and then present the topic. It was then an open forum for whoever wanted to speak on the topic. Jay picked
surrender as a topic – which I thought was a great topic, though I’ve heard it picked as a topic two other times, it’s always a good subject.
Read the rest of this entry »

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I got a new photo gallery

06.13.2004 · Posted in Misc

I am so proud of myself – I actually installed a new photo gallery on my own! It makes it super-easy to manage a photo library online – LUV it.

Otherwise, I’m totally sunburned after my 3 hours at the pool today. I’m going to go try to get to sleep.

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Dream’n

06.12.2004 · Posted in Recovery

I keep having these drinking dreams on the weekends when I get to sleep in! I’ve never usually remembered much of my dreams, but I know that I get the feeling that I’ve been drinking. On occasion I will remember exactly what I was drinking – usually a vodka tonic – but usually I just get the feeling I was whoop’n it up.

Sometimes I’ll wake up from these dreams with the instantaneous feeling that I’ve been drinking and I feel like, ‘oh shit!’ and then the realization will come to me that I was just dreaming. … and then I’ll actually sometimes wake up with what I like to call a faux-hangover. It’s a terrible feeling! I’ll get a headache, have a foggy mind, and generally just be slow-going for a while.

I guess this is just my alcoholic mind at work. It’s either craving a
cocktail (see below) or having flashbacks. Whichever the case, I wish it would get over it!

Anyway, it’s supposed to be around 80 and sunny all weekend! I’m going to go up to the pool and lay out 🙂

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Came to believe

06.10.2004 · Posted in Recovery

Today is my fourth month anniversary in sobriety. Well, actually, since it’s past midnight, I’ve got four months and one day. I also did my second step tonight with Jim. I was actually kind of nervous going into it because I don’t really know where I lie spiritually right now.

What I do know is that I’ve come to really enjoy AA, I’ve met some really cool people in it, and my life has gotten a whole lot better since joining. If all I have to do is believe that a higher power can restore myself to sanity, then I guess I’m going to believe it!

My sponsir, Jim, told me that this step is something that, if you’re struggling with it, you should at least try to “fake it ’til you make it,” meaning that you should do what’s suggested and eventually you’ll get it. I don’t think that I’m completely struggling with it, more like I just don’t know how God is going to restore me to sanity. I guess I’ll just have to have faith.

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Latter Days

06.08.2004 · Posted in Entertainment

After seeing this film:

Latter
Days

… I found myself seeing more and more Mormon boys out riding their bikes through the neighborhood. I had never noticed them before! Makes me wonder if they’d always been there, or if the Mormon church thought they’d take advantage of the free publicity 😉 Just kidding – they probably didn’t appreciate the film too much.

Anyway, the point of my post – I saw the hottest two Mormon boys the other day. In fact, I don’t recall ever seeing an un-hot one. Along the ‘never noticed them before’ lines. I find it funny that I had NO idea that coffee shops were filled with people in the program prior to treatment. I used to hang out in them just to socialize, read a book, or get a coffee. Now it’s practically a staple in my life. I don’t go more than 48 hours without visiting a coffee shop.

Upset customer

06.08.2004 · Posted in In the news

This is just too damned funny:

Taco Bell patron in Iowa charged in chalupa assault

I worked at McDonalds all through high school and have many similar stories about upset customers. Dealing with these types of people has actually proven to be quite useful later in life. In fact, I’ve been told that I was picked for my current job because I actually had the guts to put McDonalds on my resume, aside from other, more relevant experience.

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