… and I am Somebody male. in my thirties. recovering alcoholic. live in minneapolis. work in progress. gay. serenity please.

The Metrosexual Movement

12.04.2005 · Posted in Opinions

There’s a social force at work in the world today – some may even call it a conspiracy. It’s only subtly present in urban areas, and likely nonexistant in rural ones. It makes brief appearances in suburbia. It is something we must all take a stand against. Our identities, once hidden, are now being stolen from us!

Brokeback Mountain

Jake Gyllenhaal and Heath Ledger claim that Brokeback Mountain is not a gay movie – just a love story (that incedentally involves two men). Bullshit! [Pun intended]. We live in a world that accuses gay people of trying to impress the “Homosexual Agenda” upon children. WTF is the homosexual agenda? Nobody told me. I didn’t get a brochure at the latest Pride parade.

So if a movie is released that depicts two men participating in anal intercourse together, it’s a gay movie. End of story. It cannot be argued. Yeah, sure, you can try to wrap it up and present it as foremost, a love story … it’s only coincidental that the primary characters are both male. In fact, I wish that were the case, and that it were that simple … that people didn’t care what the sex of the characters were. But that’s not the case. This is a gay movie.

And just tonight, I’m sitting at Vera’s – a gay coffee shop in south Minneapolis. There are about 20 gay men here and a handful of women. Then in walks a strapping and handsome young man. He is the epitome of sex appeal. Following him in the door is his date – a woman.

At this point I’m angry. I’m mad because he is taking his date here to show her that he’s okay with “the gays”. He’s not one himself, of course, but he’s comfortable with them. In fact, he even dresses like us. He’s also taken up an interest in theatre and literature. He’s dressed well. AND, he knows how to order something other than black coffee at the counter.

I grew up trying to hide the same traits this straight man is so freely exhibiting. I hid them because they weren’t accepted. It’s taken me years to feel comfortable in my own skin, and now the latest generation is taking its lead from us. What gives?

TMM must be stopped. We cannot allow our identities to be stolen from us! Stand up, take a stand. Tell these guys to butch it up! Tell them to spit. Chew tobacco. Drink budweiser. Wear dirty wifebeaters and Lee jeans. Drive jacked-up trucks. Watch football. Whistle at hot women. These are the qualities that make this country’s men great – cherrish your own god-damned qualities!

Don’t sing. Don’t dance. Don’t go to the theatre. Don’t dress well. Don’t shop. Don’t get your hair done and your nails manicured. Don’t go tanning and bleach your teeth. Don’t talk about your emotions. And don’t, DON’T go in drag for Halloween. These things are reserved for the ten percent club, so back off and give us back our Details Magazine, damnit!

21 Responses to “The Metrosexual Movement”

  1. I blame the fag hags for the metros. These girls hang out with all the gay boys until they find a straight boy to date and then she ditches her gay boys and turns her new BF into a metro. I also blame global warming

  2. I had a post about something similar to this on my blog. I say we beat them at their game. How about we butch it up and make the straights look like a bunch of sissies.

  3. Metro is so 2004. Ubersexual is the new hot label.

  4. WTF is ubersexual?

  5. Yeah, there’s a big, blond, beefy, uber-hot straight guy that keeps coming to our bar with his girlfriend. I’m bitter not because he’s comfortable with traits that I needed to hide while growing up (although that’s true for me too…) but because he’s hot and I can’t have him. What a waste!

  6. I really don’t know what to say about TMM, but about the brokeback mountain thing; I thought that is what the difference between men who have sex with men or MSM (as it is defined in public health for surveillance purposes, and focuses strictly on behavior), and gay men, was the whole love and affiliation factor. I hate when even that is taken away from us. Why did we come out again? Why do I undergo this silly persecution? This really ticks me off. Not gay… BAH!

  7. I have visited your blog twice or thrice before. This one is interesting and I can see an inferior complex behind all those anger and the swearing.

  8. Imphaldiary – the infereriority complex was implied in sarcasm. I appologize if it didn’t come across that way. In short, I tried to sound completely ridiculous 🙂

  9. Hmm, I fit more of the qualities under your definition of straight guy than homo… Well, ok, just the football watching part. They look so damn fine in those tight little pants!! Ok, I guess I am gay.

  10. Corey Falls says:

    The bigger question is what are we (gays) looking for and don’t feel like we are getting? Acceptance? Justification? Love?

    I believe there is an underlying need in many gay men that is not being met. Recently I was at the Saloon with two of my girl friends. They were waiting for me as I used the restroom. I came out of the restroom to find a gay man yelling at them to get out of “our” club. The girls have vowed not to go to the Saloon again because they were being harassed for trying to support their gay friend.

    It never ceases to amaze me how some gays can whine for acceptance and in the next breath be completely discriminatory!

    To harass someone because you were once harrassed is not a good reason, in fact, it is pure defeat. I strongly feel if we do not accept others it is a sign, deep down, we do not accept ourselves.

  11. They won’t stop being Metro’s because their women like them that way now! These women have had very savvy gay friends, and they always wanted their own men to be like us…only have sex with them…..so I don’t think it’s going to stop….unfortunately….

  12. Well said. *theatre clap*

  13. Sorry, I see your point now. But, it did hit me because I am not a declared gay and I feel bad when my metrosexual friends take me into confidence and intentionally do things just to prove a point to a gay/gays. I think the best way is to just ignore them.

  14. Check out this week’s Boondocks series (print) about Brokeback Mountain.

    P.S. The lady in the earlier post is speaking an Ethiopian language. Don’t worry, it didn’t sound important.

  15. I’m Totally with Adam’s earlier post; let’s beat ’em at their own game! Tomorrow, I’m trading my MINI Cooper in on a 20 year old rusty 4×4 pickup truck with a gun rack in the window….. and I HAVE let my hair get a bit shabby/long lately… and is Deer season still on? I could go try and kill something….

  16. You sound really bitter. Just be happy and focus on yourself, not others. Chill out dude. I’m gay, but I don’t go bashing others…gay or straight. Just be happy with yourself…I think if you find that, you won’t have this need to communicate such negativity in the outside world.

  17. Hey, Rob – this post was made in jest. I’m afraid my sarcasm didn’t come across quite as obviously as I would have hoped.

  18. Every single person here would be remiss for not seeing this movie, as I did last night. It’s stunningly beautiful and an amazing portrayal of love between two men. Both actors did an amazing job and regardless of what either said beforehand, this movie deserves to be seen.

  19. I agree and disagree with your post. Your points about the movie and about heterosexual men who try to assume identities to impress others are ones I agree with. However, I don’t think there is anything wrong with all men, regardless of orientation, having similar behaviours.

  20. metro4eva says:

    Well, I’m metro, so I have to protest your statement… I act this way because I am this way… I was practically raised by my uncle, who’s gay… so I grew up thinking being gay was totally normal… I have two uncles, one gay and one straight.. I take different behaviour from both of them (subconsciously I guess) and this is what ends up… someone who’s attracted to women, but has his hair did, sings and dances way better than most heteros,can hold his own in a fight, has almost no intimacy issues… the only downside is being mistaken for being gay… Nothing wrong wit dat, but it kills my chances wit tha chicks… Guys are metro because gays are becoming more mainstream, and young heteros growing up now see all the positive characteristics gay men have and aspire to them… You should take this as a compliment, not a threat!!

  21. JiggaDigga says:

    Great reading, keep up the great posts.
    Peace, JiggaDigga