Comments on: The good, the bad, and the ugly http://www.andiamsomebody.com/autobiographical/the-good-the-bad-and-the-ugly male. in my twenties. recovering alcoholic. live in minneapolis. work in progress. gay. serenity please. Mon, 06 Oct 2008 22:28:55 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.6.2 By: This Unmanageable Life http://www.andiamsomebody.com/autobiographical/the-good-the-bad-and-the-ugly#comment-814 This Unmanageable Life Mon, 28 Nov 2005 07:48:56 +0000 http://www.andiamsomebody.com/?p=314#comment-814 <strong>On to normal life?</strong> I survived the Thanksgiving holidday weekend. Long story short: I went back to my original AA group, and got really, really emotional. (Thanks to Dan, for encouraging me to take this step.) I then grabbed all the phone numbers I could. I also wen... On to normal life?

I survived the Thanksgiving holidday weekend.
Long story short: I went back to my original AA group, and got really, really emotional. (Thanks to Dan, for encouraging me to take this step.) I then grabbed all the phone numbers I could.
I also wen…

]]> By: Sunshine http://www.andiamsomebody.com/autobiographical/the-good-the-bad-and-the-ugly#comment-813 Sunshine Wed, 16 Nov 2005 04:36:31 +0000 http://www.andiamsomebody.com/?p=314#comment-813 I don't really understand alcoholism - for me. I guess it's because I don't like getting sick from drinking too much, so I drink enough to be merry and I'd stop. Also, for me, my rational self wouldn't let me indulge to the point of alcoholism. I do want to understand it better though because it'd be useful for me to empathise with friends who are struggling. I don’t really understand alcoholism - for me. I guess it’s because I don’t like getting sick from drinking too much, so I drink enough to be merry and I’d stop. Also, for me, my rational self wouldn’t let me indulge to the point of alcoholism. I do want to understand it better though because it’d be useful for me to empathise with friends who are struggling.

]]> By: FuelGuyFSD http://www.andiamsomebody.com/autobiographical/the-good-the-bad-and-the-ugly#comment-812 FuelGuyFSD Tue, 15 Nov 2005 19:01:54 +0000 http://www.andiamsomebody.com/?p=314#comment-812 Hey Dan, I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers. I don't know much about going into business with friends, but I do know some of the frustrations of caring about people who don't want help. On a side note, can you shoot me an email? I'd like to talk about some personal stuff. Brad :-) Hey Dan,

I’ll keep you in my thoughts and prayers. I don’t know much about going into business with friends, but I do know some of the frustrations of caring about people who don’t want help.

On a side note, can you shoot me an email? I’d like to talk about some personal stuff.

Brad :-)

]]> By: Jordan http://www.andiamsomebody.com/autobiographical/the-good-the-bad-and-the-ugly#comment-811 Jordan Tue, 15 Nov 2005 15:47:05 +0000 http://www.andiamsomebody.com/?p=314#comment-811 A lot of good thougths in this entry Dan. It's nice to read something serious for a change. Here's my advice to you about your relationship with your friend: doing the thing that you feel is right for yourself is nearly almost always right for the relationship. The only way to have an honest relationship is to act honestly within it. If you feel that somehow your had a misunderstanding and were not treated as you felt you should be treated, you have an obligation to honesty to mention it. This goes for friends, lovers, and business partners. A lot of good thougths in this entry Dan. It’s nice to read something serious for a change.

Here’s my advice to you about your relationship with your friend: doing the thing that you feel is right for yourself is nearly almost always right for the relationship. The only way to have an honest relationship is to act honestly within it.

If you feel that somehow your had a misunderstanding and were not treated as you felt you should be treated, you have an obligation to honesty to mention it. This goes for friends, lovers, and business partners.

]]> By: SparklesMpls http://www.andiamsomebody.com/autobiographical/the-good-the-bad-and-the-ugly#comment-810 SparklesMpls Tue, 15 Nov 2005 06:35:52 +0000 http://www.andiamsomebody.com/?p=314#comment-810 Thanks, everyone for your insights on the friends and business ordeal. We came to a semi-conclusion this evening. Basically I turned it over and gave the friend what he wanted. I figured it was the right thing to do and that the friendship was more important than money. Rich, thanks for commenting. I, too, thought that alcoholism and addiction were simple matters of willpower. Man was I wrong. It wasn't until my life got to a point where things were so bad and I couldn't stop drinking, even though it was completely destroying my life, that I reached out for help and found out there were others going through the same things as me. There's a passage in the AA Big Book that talks about the disease and explains it with a simple analogy. Basically, your life becomes unmanagable based on the choices you make. Those choices, to continue drinking, using, whatever, are causing bad things to happen, but you continue to do it in spite of the consequences. The analogy the book makes compares the insanity to a chronic jay-walker. Somebody who jaywalks regardless of how many times cars hit them, or how much pain they suffer - they just can't stop jaywalking. Maybe a bit silly, but it's quite descriptive of the disease. Thanks, everyone for your insights on the friends and business ordeal. We came to a semi-conclusion this evening. Basically I turned it over and gave the friend what he wanted. I figured it was the right thing to do and that the friendship was more important than money.

Rich, thanks for commenting. I, too, thought that alcoholism and addiction were simple matters of willpower. Man was I wrong. It wasn’t until my life got to a point where things were so bad and I couldn’t stop drinking, even though it was completely destroying my life, that I reached out for help and found out there were others going through the same things as me.

There’s a passage in the AA Big Book that talks about the disease and explains it with a simple analogy. Basically, your life becomes unmanagable based on the choices you make. Those choices, to continue drinking, using, whatever, are causing bad things to happen, but you continue to do it in spite of the consequences. The analogy the book makes compares the insanity to a chronic jay-walker. Somebody who jaywalks regardless of how many times cars hit them, or how much pain they suffer - they just can’t stop jaywalking.

Maybe a bit silly, but it’s quite descriptive of the disease.

]]> By: Rich http://www.andiamsomebody.com/autobiographical/the-good-the-bad-and-the-ugly#comment-809 Rich Mon, 14 Nov 2005 23:20:38 +0000 http://www.andiamsomebody.com/?p=314#comment-809 I have to say that I can't honestly understand the in's and out's of an addiction as I've personally always thought it was just a matter of will power or self control. When I say that, I don't mean to diminish what you or anyone else has or is going throught. I really do believe it's a difficult thing to overcome and I've watched some good friends suffer from it in the past. It's great that you can be there to help someone out and for those that have relapsed, they are going to have a difficult struggle ahead of them and hopefully they can find a friend like you to help. I'd sure like to know there was someone like you on my side if I needed help, but unfortunatly I think for most people it's easier to just turn your back and not watch. Thanks for taking the time to explain your feelings and your challanges, it certainly helps me to understand this a little better. As for doing business with friends, my partner and I have a company with our 2 best friends and I have a feeling we're going to be going through the same thing very shortly. They always say don't do business with friends, but every believes their friendship is strong enough to handle it, unfortunatly it's not until it's too late that you find out it wasn't. Have a great week Dan! I have to say that I can’t honestly understand the in’s and out’s of an addiction as I’ve personally always thought it was just a matter of will power or self control. When I say that, I don’t mean to diminish what you or anyone else has or is going throught. I really do believe it’s a difficult thing to overcome and I’ve watched some good friends suffer from it in the past. It’s great that you can be there to help someone out and for those that have relapsed, they are going to have a difficult struggle ahead of them and hopefully they can find a friend like you to help. I’d sure like to know there was someone like you on my side if I needed help, but unfortunatly I think for most people it’s easier to just turn your back and not watch. Thanks for taking the time to explain your feelings and your challanges, it certainly helps me to understand this a little better.

As for doing business with friends, my partner and I have a company with our 2 best friends and I have a feeling we’re going to be going through the same thing very shortly. They always say don’t do business with friends, but every believes their friendship is strong enough to handle it, unfortunatly it’s not until it’s too late that you find out it wasn’t.

Have a great week Dan!

]]> By: Michael Guy http://www.andiamsomebody.com/autobiographical/the-good-the-bad-and-the-ugly#comment-808 Michael Guy Mon, 14 Nov 2005 18:48:46 +0000 http://www.andiamsomebody.com/?p=314#comment-808 As the partner of a BF who relapsed several times before dedicating his full energies to working the program I know first hand that the choice must come from within the individual. Nothing I said or did had any influence over his drinking; a 'light' finally went on and he's nearing a three year sobriety date soon. It's all good. RE: business with friends: if by discussion you already feel the friendship is damaged beyond repair I'd say get what's due you. If this is someone you'd like to continue a relationship with though--chalk it up as a loss and a learning experience. Sometimes I bend my "rules" for true friends. But it still sucks to not get what's due me; basically I stopped doing graphic design for friends a few years ago. As the partner of a BF who relapsed several times before dedicating his full energies to working the program I know first hand that the choice must come from within the individual. Nothing I said or did had any influence over his drinking; a ‘light’ finally went on and he’s nearing a three year sobriety date soon. It’s all good. RE: business with friends: if by discussion you already feel the friendship is damaged beyond repair I’d say get what’s due you. If this is someone you’d like to continue a relationship with though–chalk it up as a loss and a learning experience. Sometimes I bend my “rules” for true friends. But it still sucks to not get what’s due me; basically I stopped doing graphic design for friends a few years ago.

]]> By: Marc http://www.andiamsomebody.com/autobiographical/the-good-the-bad-and-the-ugly#comment-807 Marc Sun, 13 Nov 2005 18:46:46 +0000 http://www.andiamsomebody.com/?p=314#comment-807 For a period of 3 years or so, it seems like I was a magnet for people with addictions, so I got to see first hand how it can destroy someone's life and manage to make others lives hell too. I learned the hard way that no matter how you want to help someone, they're the only one that can decide to go in a different direction. Its heartbreaking to watch someone you care about destroy themselves. On the issue with your friend, I've been in situation where I've had friends who've owed significant amounts of money, and at a time I really needed the cash, no less. In the end, I chose to write off the cash in favor of the friendship, and I've had no regrets. I just took that as a lesson not to get in that situation again. Still, I can definitely see the other side of things in your situation. One thing to keep in mind is that sometimes relationships end for a reason, despite our best efforts. It sounds like that maybe that is what is going on here. I guess the best thing may be to just bless the whole thing and let your friend go with love, if that is his choice. Ultimately, everyone has to walk their own path and sometimes it means letting people go. For a period of 3 years or so, it seems like I was a magnet for people with addictions, so I got to see first hand how it can destroy someone’s life and manage to make others lives hell too. I learned the hard way that no matter how you want to help someone, they’re the only one that can decide to go in a different direction. Its heartbreaking to watch someone you care about destroy themselves.

On the issue with your friend, I’ve been in situation where I’ve had friends who’ve owed significant amounts of money, and at a time I really needed the cash, no less. In the end, I chose to write off the cash in favor of the friendship, and I’ve had no regrets. I just took that as a lesson not to get in that situation again. Still, I can definitely see the other side of things in your situation.

One thing to keep in mind is that sometimes relationships end for a reason, despite our best efforts. It sounds like that maybe that is what is going on here. I guess the best thing may be to just bless the whole thing and let your friend go with love, if that is his choice. Ultimately, everyone has to walk their own path and sometimes it means letting people go.

]]> By: scudder http://www.andiamsomebody.com/autobiographical/the-good-the-bad-and-the-ugly#comment-806 scudder Sun, 13 Nov 2005 17:54:30 +0000 http://www.andiamsomebody.com/?p=314#comment-806 I just went throught the same thing with a friend I had for 20 years. It sucks, but it's better to deal with friends honestly than to nurse a grudge. That only poisons the whole thing. Hard as it is, go for truth. I just went throught the same thing with a friend I had for 20 years. It sucks, but it’s better to deal with friends honestly than to nurse a grudge. That only poisons the whole thing. Hard as it is, go for truth.

]]> By: Dave http://www.andiamsomebody.com/autobiographical/the-good-the-bad-and-the-ugly#comment-805 Dave Sun, 13 Nov 2005 15:17:00 +0000 http://www.andiamsomebody.com/?p=314#comment-805 I hope your friends find the strenght to do the right thing. They are lucky to have a friend like you. On the other note, I hope you have the strenght to do the right thing. Good luck. I hope your friends find the strenght to do the right thing. They are lucky to have a friend like you. On the other note, I hope you have the strenght to do the right thing. Good luck.

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