… as a former bed-wetter. Yep, you read that right. I wet the bed every night until I was 8 years old.
For as far back as I can remember there was a plastic sheet that wrapped around my twin mattress. Laying down on my bed or turning from side to side would create a crinkling noise that still haunts me until this day.
When I was six and still wetting the bed, my parents got me a cotton-covered rubber sheet as a way to make me feel more like a grown-up because it didn’t make any noises.
My mom tried to console me by telling me that her brother also wet the bed when he was young, but I still felt like something was wrong with me.
We went to the doctor who told us not to let me drink anything a few hours before going to bed. It didn’t help.
Then we got some contraption, seemingly from a TV infomercial gone bad. The contraption consisted of a sheet of plastic with metal wires running over the surface – imagine the lines of the rear-window defroster in your car. This plastic sheet was then connected by wire to a plastic box housing an on/off switch and 4 “D” batteries. It would sense when you began wetting the bed and would set off a ear-piercing shrill. As you can imagine, this didn’t work either as it would only go off after you had pissed all over yourself.
When I was in the first grade a classmate invited me to his house for a slumber party to celebrate his birthday. We slept in an authentic Native American teepee his parents had on their property. There were probably 12 of us seven year-olds. I was too nervous to fall asleep fearing an embarassing morning soaked in urine. So nervous I never went to sleep. Thanksfully Michael S didn’t want to fall asleep either, so we plucked grass from the ground and placed it in our sleeping friends’ open mouths.
Can you imagine waking up with a mouthfull of freshly-picked grass?
Shortly after I turned 8 I woke up with a dry bed. It was the most amazing feeling in the world to me at that point in my history. I never wet the bed again.
My brother wet the bed until he was 12.