January 04, 2007

Yes, I've been slacking

This blog has fallen to the bottom of my priority list. While I used to enjoy writing regularly, other things in my life have come to take its place. Not sure how often, or if I will continue to update it.

Interestingly, I was contacted by a reporter from the Strib. He wrote an article on slacking bloggers. Because the Strib doesn't archive articles, I've reposted it here.

Bloggone!

Ennui and exhaustion are idling some online opiners. Next year may see a decline -- or at least a leveling off --in the blogging boom.

By Jon Tevlin, Star Tribune

Last update: December 29, 2006 – 2:10 PM

Dan K***, the man behind the blog "And I am somebody," still is (somebody), even though he's been missing from his Minnesota blog since August.

"Bunny Edelman's World," another local blog, apparently stopped spinning in July. "Ghost Noise and Psychic Dream Butter" hasn't rattled its chains since August. Even the confidently named "I Blog Therefore I Am" website posted only once between Dec. 4 and 17, an entry consisting simply of the word "yadda" repeated over and over.

"Yes, life has intervened," K*** said recently. "I'd love to keep the blog going, but I'm fearful it may have gasped its last breath. It was great for awhile, but it became a chore."

K*** isn't alone in feeling all blogged out.

The technology firm Gartner Inc. has announced that 2007 may be the year the blog world loses steam. Perhaps hot air is a better term.

Said Gartner:

• There were more than 56 million active weblogs ("blogs") in October 2006, according to Technorati, but the average life span is three months and declining.

• Given the trend in the average life span of blogs and the current growth rate of them, there are already more than 200 million ex-bloggers. So, the peak number of bloggers worldwide will be around 100 million at some point in the first half of 2007.

• MySpace and Facebook lost visitors in September, according to Nielsen/NetRatings, a Web-tracking service. The number of unique U.S. visitors at MySpace fell 4 percent to 47.2 million from 49.2 million in August, and the number of visitors to Facebook fell 12 percent to 7.8 million from 8.9 million.

• Today's overexuberance will level off to a stasis of at least 30 million active bloggers and 30 million frequent community contributors worldwide.

That's still a lot of yapping, but consider that Google recently estimated that the average blog is read by one person. In other words, for most bloggers, that means your mom's not even reading you anymore.

The reason, according to Gartner, is that people have gotten bored with their blogs, or just found the responsibility -- not to mention the strain -- of saying something profound or even interesting every day just isn't worth it.

"A lot of people have been in and out of this thing," said Daryl Plummer, chief Gartner fellow. "Everyone thinks they have something to say, until they're put onstage and asked to say it."

A veteran's counterpoint

Rex Sorgatz, who founded the local site MNSpeak and is now Innovations Director for msnbc.com in Seattle, doesn't think Gartner's data portends the end for blogs.

"I'm honestly no blog triumphalist, but when did 100 million people involved in contributory media become a disappointment?" he said.

Sorgatz thinks that the definition of "blog" is changing: "There's something happening on MySpace that is blog-like, but not exactly blogging. The same goes with Twitter, where people are sort of insta-blogging. I can imagine a near future in which blogging completely disappears because it has been replaced with more effective forms of communication that we haven't even seen yet. "

Burned out, seeking balance

For now, many blogs --especially more personal ones -- clearly have a shelf life.

Take the New York blogger who goes by the pen name Elvira Black. She announced a serious case of "blogger burnout" last February.

"I've literally let several seasons go by, hardly noticing, because I've spent so much time indoors blogging," she blogged. "There was a time when this kind of homebound lifestyle would have horrified and depressed me, but this past year I blithely blogged the weeks and months away as spring became fall and fall winter. I'm not exercising, I'm not eating right, and I'm smoking so many cigarettes I have no idea how many packs I'm going through each day."

Black is back but says her pace is often determined by her depression.

"During my initial blogging fervor, I became a self-professed 'blog pimp' and 'comment whore,' " she said in a recent e-mail. "Although I'm again very involved in blogging, I am trying to balance it more with 'real life,' though I still find the internet to be hopelessly addictive."

A Twin Cities blogger who decided to give it a rest is Kevin-M, at the Insomnia Report, who wrote this in October:

"Over the past couple of weeks I've grown less and less enthusiastic about keeping up this site. So I've decided to stop doing it for a little while. I don't want what should be a fun hobby to become a burden, and I'm really looking forward to reacquainting myself with some of my less solitary hobbies. ... So, this is goodbye for now. "

Goodbye, Kevin, and perhaps even goodnight.

The Associated Press contributed to this report.

Jon Tevlin • 612-673-1702 • jtevlin@startribune.com

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July 24, 2006

My Marin, Lucas

I finally bought a bike. It's a Marin named Lucas. Go to The Alt - they rock and they're cute.

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June 30, 2006

I had a dream last night

I was at the Academy Awards with Catherine Zeta Jones and some other female star who I cannot remember. Catherine was totally cool, but somebody else was wearing the same dress and matching purse, so we walked across the street from the Kodak Theatre to Bloomies. (Except there is no Bloomies across the street, but in my dream there was). The store was closed, but they opened it up for us and we began going through the store looking for something new to wear.

I came across a shirt on a rack that I liked. I began to check the tag for materials, washing instructions, and most importantly, the price, when a large black man tapped me on the shoulder. I turned around to his massive arms bulging out of his shirt in my face and he told me I should think twice about buying the shirt because across the front, unbeknownst to me, were the words, "white supremacy". how odd that Bloomies would carry such a shirt. I re-racked it and moved on.

Feeling a little frisky after my run-in with the large-armed black man, I asked one of the staffers where the men's athletic section was. It was upstairs and they had to re-open that floor then, too. However, upon entering the 3rd floor I was then on, I didn't find any athletic wear, just faux designer modern furniture classics. Why on earth would Bloomies carry a knock-off Eames lounge chair? I mean seriously.

It was at that point, I knew I was dreaming.

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February 04, 2006

The past few weeks

... have been spent working on the new house. I closed this past Monday and have been spending evenings and weekends purchasing furniture, arranging for utilities, meeting with an accountant, etc. It's all happening so fast. I am truly grateful for this opportunity. My family had suggested that I make a list of things I needed to purchase, so I did, and the list has almost all been donated by extended family. It's been wonderful. I plan on getting back to blogging on a more regular basis just as soon as the house gets settled. I am aiming to open up by Feb 12. Many thanks to everyone who's helped out.

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January 11, 2006

Awakening from hibernation

So I've been a little busy lately ....

The sober home manager deal I mentioned during December didn't work out. Well, I guess it wasn't meant to because I just bought a place of my own! Met with my new accountant today, and I'll be open for biz sometime during February.

Can you tell I'm psyched? I can't wait until the closing. Cross your fingers there are no hiccups in the process. Next up comes the fun part - furnishing and decorating it! Anyone have some spare Knoll or Eames pieces laying around?

I am immensely grateful for the opportunities I've had in my life. This is the beginning of the next step in my recovery - helping others. I hope to be able to offer people a safe place to call home while they learn to live their lives in sobriety. There's a bit of magic that takes place in every sober home, and it's the most beautiful thing I've ever been witness to. I can't wait to see it happen in this house.

More photos can be found in the gallery.

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December 27, 2005

You can't always get what you want

The Rolling Stones and a similar Hole song keep running through my head.

This past week has been okay. And by "okay" I mean it sorta sucked. There were some good things - I spent time with my family, enjoyed watching my nieces and nephews open their gifts, had good conversations with other relatives, and went to a friend's annual sober Christmas event.

But about the sucky part. Since the day I stepped out of treatment nearly 2 years ago, it's been a goal of mine to open a sober living home - a safe living environment for a group of recovering people. Generally people move into one after treatment or completion of a halfway house program. Others elect to live there just because they're a good option for affordable housing and a good source of support for those in recovery. The concept has always clicked with me as being something spectacular. There's a certain degree of magic that emanates from sober houses that you just don't find elsewhere. They're a place where a group of people in similar situations try to help each other out.

This past week I had made plans to move into such a place as the resident house manager. I thought it would be a good opportunity to take an interim step into a sober housing venture - a chance for me to learn the business of running a sober house. Along with that, I thought it would be a great exercise in humility, service work, and a chance to be a part of that magic that happens in these places. I was preparing to move out of my condo, possibly put my things in storage, attempt to rent out my place, and change my life.

When I was reviewing the contract to move in, it occurred to me that something in my personal life was in direct conflict with one of the house rules. I disclosed the fact, and as it turns out, the conflict was too large to let go of, and me moving in was not going to work out.

I'm disappointed with the outcome of the situation. It makes me sad that I can't participate. I have to believe that there is a reason things happened the way they did, as I cannot afford to carry any resentments.

Looking towards the future, I'm going to continue my quest to open a sober home. I'm unsure when it will happen, but I will keep taking steps to get there.

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December 02, 2005

Keeping up 4th Grade Appearances

I began my obsession with looks during the summer before 4th grade. I'm not sure what triggered it, but when shopping for school clothes that year, I knew that I had to be very selective about what I picked off the racks at J.C. Penny's.

My mother took my younger brother and I to Penny's every summer to pick out clothes for the approaching school year. On special occasions we were allowed to go to the Young Men's section in Daytons, at the other end of the Burnsville Center. There, you could find Girbaud jeans, and if I was really lucky, I'd get a pair.

But the majority of the outfits were purchased at Penny's. This was the year I became smart about my wardrobe. I made sure to buy tops and bottoms that could be matched with many other things so that to the lay person, it would appear as if I was wearing many different outfits, even though I had just outwitted them by changing it up a little.

It was also this year that I began "doing" my hair before school every day. I wanted to look good in front of everyone else. I'd assemble my Bugle Boy outfit of the day and march down to the bathroom to begin prepping my hair. I watched my mother do this every morning and figured that it couldn't be that difficult.

Mom always had dry hair, styled it, sometimes with a curling iron, and then picked out one of those large aeresol cans from beneath the sink and covered herself in its mist. That smell was always awful. If I was present in the room at the same time it would make me gag.

I decided to do things a little differently - I was going to wet my hair down to make it look sleek. So, after getting dressed for the dressed for the day (you had to get dressed before you did your hair, for fear that you would mess up your hair by putting your clothes on), I would make my way down to the bathroom.

Our bathroom was massive. I grew up in a log house that had 12' tall vaulted ceilings that angled down at the sides of the house. The bathroom was smack-dab in the middle of the house, sot he ceilings created an airy feeling - that is, unless my mother was covering herself with Aussie Moose hairspray - you know, the purple bottles with the kangaroo.

The countertop stretched about 8 to 10 feet long, with two sinks and plenty of mirror space (even for my big head). I'd wet my hair down, spend about 20 minutes trying to get the part just right, or, as I began doing later, created the "side-spike" that I held onto for 8 years. Afterwhich, I would do exactly as my mother did - covered it with hairspray.

Every day, around noon or so, my hair would begin falling out of place. They just didn't make hairspray like they used to. So every morning I would put more on, in the hopes that the hold would stay longer. No luck - every day around noon, the hair would fall down. It usually happened around the time that my hair became completely dry after my morning style-wetdown.

Over and over again, I'd try putting more hairspray on every morning, but nothing seemed to work. A couple of times I tried styling my hair while it was dry, but that was nearly impossible to keep the part, and proved to be even more of a disaster than my wet look.

Around the 3rd quarter of my 4th grade year, about 6 months into the school year, my mother joined me in the bathroom. I normally tried to avoid her, so as not to poison my young lungs with her Aussie Moose, but I was running behind and decided to risk the lung infection in favor of doing my hair along with my mother.

I was a pro at styling my hair by this time. I could do it in approximately 10 minutes, plus an extra 2 or 3 minutes to apply the hairspray.

As I was misting myself down with the aeresol can, my mother looked at me and said, "Daniel, what are you doing?"

"Putting on hairspray. You do the same thing every morning."

Having a hard time holding back her smilke, she replied, "Yes, but that's lysol! I was wondering how on Earth we were going through that stuff so quickly!"

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November 25, 2005

Friday morning in Houston

Jim just told his story at the roundup this morning. He was fantastic, as usual. It's funny how nervous he was last night, tossing, turning, getting up at 2:00 in the morning, when he had it down pat. He's always great, so I don't know what he was so nervous of. Afterall, us alcoholics don't judge people :-)

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November 24, 2005

Morning in Houston

I've just had a lovely breakfast in the restaurant here in the hotel. The buffet was wo-manned by a charming lady who made a killer omlet, pankakes and waffles. The front page of the Times is continuing to report on yesterday's story of the Vatican's new policy to weed out homosexuals from the priesthood. Afterall, we are the root of all of their evil.

Jim and David have gone for a walk and once again, left me to fend for myself in the business center, where David from last night is now hydrating himself in the same spot he was dehyrdating himself last night. He's much cuter after a shower and some water. Darling short blonde hair with a slight curl. Skinny and well-dressed, he's off to a friend's in a suburb to celebrate his first Thanksgiving.

I'll be with a bunch of alcoholic homos tonight, celebrating all that we are grateful for. I'm sure it's going to be a blast, as us sickos generally know how to have the most fun :-)

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My first night in Houston

I'm in Houston with Jim and Dave, sitting down in the hotel's business center for the free internet access. Can you believe they want to charge you $10 a night to be online in your room?

I've just met David in the business center. He's sauntered over from the bar where he is telling me that though I am good looking, he finds it strange that there is such a thing as a "gay non alcoholic texan group." He thinks that because I am already a minority (gay), that I shouldn't further my exclusivity by claiming to be non-alcoholic. I hope that didn't make any sense, because I can't make any of it.

Anyway, he's cute, here from Scotland, and continues to flirt with me. I wonder where this is going to go ...

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November 20, 2005

Am I a bore?

Not a whore, a B-O-R-E. I think I have turned into one. Call it recovery, growing up, growing old, what-have-you, I'm rarely in the mood these days to go out of my way to socialize. Just last night, on a Saturday of all nights, Jim and I were sitting at Vera's surfing the 'net and chatting with other patrons. It was around 7:00 PM. By 9:00 PM we were back at his house watching television and playing with the cats, Frank and Henry.

I had double-booked myself with two other social engagements, but I just wasn't in the mood to follow-through on those commitments. I'm not sure why I was so apathetic to the commitments - could have been fatigue, a desire not to get dressed to impress, contentness, or all of those things.

On one hand I should be grateful that I don't feel the need to get out and validate myself through meeting and hanging out with other people. On the other hand, I feel like I'm missing out on meeting and hanging out with other people.

Or, perhaps, I'm over-thinking all of this, and I'm just going into Winter hibernation mode.

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November 13, 2005

The good, the bad, and the ugly

On Friday evening I was given the opportunity to help a guy in AA.  It felt wonderful to be able to help somebody without having any hidden agendas about how this might serve me, or what I might get out of it.  I'm just glad somebody was able to help this guy.

On the same evening I found out that some people who I've been close with, relapsed.  It makes me sad to see people struggle with addiction.  Prior to beginning my own recovery I looked at addicts and alcoholics as weak.  Little did I know it's not something that you can fight on your own.  I'd equate it to the U.S. attacking Costa Rica - it's simply not a fair fight.  Costa Rica would have to enlist the help of other nations to defend itself, just like I have to enlist the help of others to help myself.

Unfortunately, these people don't seem to want help, or are too wrapped up in their addictions to accept it.  I pray that they do not have to hit another bottom before they come back to the rooms.  Alcoholism / Addiction can wreak a lot of havoc on a person and those around them - it's not pretty.

Tonight I went to another meeting. An NA meeting that really has a lot of good energy.  I left the meeting in good spirits, dropped off Jim, and then came home.  After arriving home, I ended up having a very hard conversation with somebody that I care a lot about.  It's a conversation that I've been dreading.  One of those conversations that you know isn't going to go well, no matter what sort of PR spin you put on it.

And it didn't go well.

It deals with an issue I touched on a few months back - doing business with friends.  This person has been a good friend to me, and I them, for years.  I'd like to think that we've both benefitted from being in each other's lives.  Unfortunately, we made the mistake of doing some business together, and that business is now coming to an end and we're faced with some tough decisions.

I have a decision to make, with a couple of options.

Option one has me doing what I believe will give me what I'm owed, what I've earned, and what I deserve.  But it does not leave the friend happy - and our friendship will end on a bad note.

Option two has me sacrificing what I believe I'm owed, in favor of preserving the friendship.

But I'm afraid the damage has already been done.  The conversation was broached and there was no turning back.  I had to state my opinion as to how to proceed.  The friend was hurt, and now I feel terrible about the way things have played out.  Circumstances, events, energy forces, coincidences, etc., have brought us to this point.  Some things that we could have avoided, others that we could not have.  But here we find ourselves.

I am afraid that just by stating my opinion, I may have already irreperably damaged the relationship.  That even if I do sacrifice and go with option two, the friendship may be over.

I want to do the right thing, but I'm not sure what that is.  I'll pray tonight that we can find a compromise that we can both be happy with.

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November 05, 2005

More Boston memories

I had lost the cord that connects my camera to the computer, so I'd had some photos trapped, unable to access them! Reluctantly, I made a stop at Best Buy last night to pick up a card reader, so I'm back in buisiness. Additionally, I coerced Jim to send me the photos Laura had taken during our visit.

Additional photos from Boston are in the last 2 and half pages of the Boston Gallery, while Laura's photos are here - the first is in Boston Commons on an overcast Saturday afternoon, where they had a pumpkin gathering of some sort. Pumpkins were being hauled in my the semi-load. A large structure was being built out of scafolding, and they were carving and inserting candles into all of them. I saw on the news later that night that somebody had stuck a bomb in one of the pumpkins, so they had to clear the commons while the bomb squad inspected all of the pumpkins, only to turn up empty-handed. What a comotion.


Later that evening we went to see a show down in the south end. Half-way through the show, the male version of Varla Jean Merman entered the audience and watched the remainder of the show from the sidelines. Jim actually spotted her first - and I was surprised that he was able to recognize her out of drag. But sure enough, it was her, so Jim and I got a photo.

For those of you not yet fortunate enough to be aquainted with Varla, check out her website at Varlaonline.com. You may remember her from the classic Girls Will Be Girls. She was in town with her show, Girl With a Pearl Necklace, which unfortuantely didn't open until after we'd be out of town. I was pleasantly surprised by how big of a boy she was - the camera didn't add ten pounds in her case, it had taken off ten inches... a good looking ten inches ;-)

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October 30, 2005

Boston

My trip to boston a couple of weeks back with Jim was a lot of fun. Exploring new places is always an adventure. We stayed at one of Jim's coworker's condo downtown. It's not really fair to refer to Mike as just a coworker - he's a super great guy. Mike's and his girlfriend, Lauara both provided us much entertainment during our stay - thanks a ton, guys!

Our first day on the town, and we headed over Beacon Hill to all the action. The State House - the capital building, lay just beyond the hill. Some important suits passed us at every turn. Boston Commons lie directly across the street. Boston's park system really puts Minneapolis' to shame - Loring Park would have looks like a manure field next to this paradise in the city.

Jim insisted that we stop by Cheers - the absolute must do on your first trip to Boston. We didn't go in, as the smell of fish emanating from the restaurant was nauseating - especially for those of the non-tuna-eating persuasion such as ourselves.

Next up we headed straight for the shopping district - Newberry Street, the Rodeo Drive of Boston. The Ritz Carlton, opposite the Burberry store, are the first two buildings to greet you. Glam-bam, get your credit cards ready!

Beneton, Banana, Marc Jacobs, Kenneth Cole, Crate & Barrel, DKNY, you name it. If you're a designer, and you've made it, you've got a shop on Newberry.

And of course, there's "Louis.Boston". The most ridicuously expensive store I've ever been in. Nothing under $200 - and that's for a plain white cotton t-shirt. I went in, looked around, saw the stares of the salesmen watching me in my hooded sweatshirt and jeans, and casually walked out empty-handed with my head hanging low in retreat. Though my credit cards were itching in my pocket, I was thanksfully able to contain myself.

A short jaunt down from Louis was The Closet - Jim's favorite. I think he was looking forward to this more than anything else on the trip. I followed him down the steps to the garden-level shop to be trapped amongst the packed-in inventory of gently worn clothing. Jim immediately headed down another short, yet steep, flight of stairs to the men's area, where he thumbed through everything at lightning speed. It was as if he couldn't contain himself - he had returned home. After not finding anything, and beginning to feel the claustraphobia close in on me, I waited outside, for an hour before he emerged with one purchase in hand. All that time, and he found only one thing.

We stopped and ate at Abe & Louie's. I had a filet and veggies, trying to curb my tendancies for pigging out on junkfood while on vacation. It worked for the afternoon, but it was all-out anything I put my eyes on after that.

We set out to continue exploring. So many old, old buildings. Some of them had been there for hundreds of years, others were modern. I wish I knew more about architecture to describe it, but what I do know, is that I really dig what they've got down there. It was clear that they had no concept of what "cookie-cutter" was back in their day - they don't build 'em like they used to!

We found a few busses throughout the city that bore the name "Peter Pan". Thankfully, we found one parked to get a good shot. Now honestly - who would want to get on one of these things? I'd like to meet the folks who named this bus company and the group responsible for branding it. Good lord - I wonder if the busses fly with a little bit of fairy dust?

Finishing up our site-seeing adventures for the first day, we found ourselves at the Mother Church for the Christian Scientists. While I don't know much about their beliefs, their church was beautiful!. In front of it was one of the largest reflecting pools I'd ever seen.

Later that evening we went to my first AA meeting in Boston. It was a speaker meeting, though not like any speaker meeting I've ever been to before - they do it a little differently in Boston. A group of four or five people from another meeting came to the meeting I attended and each of them shared one at a time. And that was the entire meeting. It was pretty cool. During the first part of the meeting I noticed my friend Bob - a guy who I had been in treatment with nearly two years earlier! I spoke to him briefly after the meeting - it was nice to run into a familiar face so far away from home.

After the meeting we walked to China Town and found a nice little restaurant to dine in. Boston, being right on the coast, has a lot of seafood - something that's rather sparse here in the midwest. Upon entering, we were greeted by these HUGE fishtanks with live seafood swimming (or sometimes floating upside down) about. Definately something you wouldn't see in Minnesota.

We sat down and the wonton soup was just being served when my new cell phone rang. It was set to a tune that I had found rather amusing when I got the phone, but it couldn't have been more inappropriate at dinner - it was a stereotypical oriental tune that conveyed anything but respect for the culture. I faught to turn it off, but couldn't find it in my pocket until half o the restaurant was staring.

More photos of the trip are in the gallery. More stories and photos to come soon.

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October 27, 2005

Insane Dream Interpretation

I woke up at 4:03 AM this morning. SCREAMING one long and monotonous yelp until my breath ran out. My heart was beating. That was one real fucking dream.

I was living in my old apartment - the 3rd floor of an old house. No roommate, but a cute, and unfortunately straight, twenty-something guy lived below me. Two girls, each servers at the Green Mille, and chronic pot-heads, lived on the first floor. The house was on 31st and James - a block off the lake and a block away from all the wonders uptown offers.

I had two entrances. The primary had you enter the house's front door, proceed up the stairs to the second floor where my "front door" was. Behind which you found another flight of stairs up to my apartment on the 3rd floor.

The second entrance was found in the back yard. A long, winding staircase had been built and enclosed in recent years to abide by the city's fire code requiring two exits. I never used the entrance because of the hassle of walking to the back of the house, the migit-sized door opening into the kitchen, and I needed extra storage space - which the stairs provided quite nicely.

It was a summer day and I arrived home in the afternoon to find that the door leading up to my 3rd floor apartment had been busted in - the lock broken. I looked at the cute guy's door, also on the 2nd floor, and his door too had been broken into. At that moment, he appeared at his door, befuddled. I asked him what happened. He said only that nothing had been taken - just that the lock had been broken.

The two of us went up to my apartment and found that there too, nothing was missing - just the lock broken.

We began walking down to the hardware store to purchase new locks. This doesn't really make sense to me because I was renting at the time and I never did any labor - I would have called the landlord, and the police - but I did neither. It may have been that I wanted an excuse to spend time with the cute guy downstairs.

We purchased some heavy-duty locks and brought them back to the house, where said neighbor installed them in a very butch manner. He had a nice screwdriver that fit perfectly.

After the locks were installed, we strolled down the street for something - not sure what. Probably wasn't important. Regardless, we returned shortly after to find that our newly installed locks were broken. Nobody was in the house, and nothing was missing.

WTF?

The girls on the first floor weren't home. That or they were too stoned to answer the door.

Cute guy and I decided to go back to the hardware store and get even better locks. This time we called the police, who we met back at the house when we were installing the second set of locks. The police seemed concerned, and talked to us about general safety precautions and showed us how to use the locks - telling us that we had made wise choices in our lock purchases.

We all left the premises again, and a third time, said-neighbor and I returned home. And guess what. The locks were broken. Again, nothing missing. This happened repeatedly throughout the day. Each time cute neighbor and I would purchase new, better locks. And each time, they would be broken shortly after.

Finally it began to get dark. We returned home again to find our locks broken. We couldn't believe it. We surmised that whomever was breaking them must be looking for us because otherwise they would have stolen something when they broke in. Seemed to make sense to me, but the reality of that theory was terribly frightening. Who could want to get me? Or us?

We were both checking out my apartment to see if the coast was clear. We were in my living room at the front window, when we heard something outside. We looked out and there were hands reaching up from the 2nd story window. We took the glass windows out, broke them, and began stabbing at the hands with the broken shards of glass when one of the hands grabbed a hold of me and pulled me down. And that's when I woke up. Screaming.

I heard my roommate crawl out of bed, shut his door, and go back to bed.

The definition of insanity is performing the same act over and over again, hoping for a different result. It never comes, but you keep trying. Does this dream just mean that I'm insane? And perhaps that my insanity will someday be the end of me?

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October 25, 2005

Boston

Okay, I promise to post pictures of Boston soon! Crazy insanity abounds in Danland.

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October 02, 2005

The old days

I arrived in Vegas at the McCormack airport to find slot machines in the airport. It was my first time in the only state that had legalized prostitution, though ironically, not in Las Vegas county - apparently they had enough sin without the oldest profession in the world doing business on the strip.

I was with my boss Greg to attend the CES convention at the Las Vegas Convention Center to scope out the latest in high tech gagetry for a client of ours.

It seemed the bags took forever to come down the conveyer belt, and the longer we waited, the longer the taxi cab line grew just outside the glass doors. I was becomoing inpatient and wanted to get the party started.

We had booked a suite at the grand 'ol Alexis Courtyard motel - a couple of blocks from The Hardrock. Having waited too long to make reservervations for the weekend of CES and the infamous Internext Convention, a.k.a., "The Porn Convention," we were left to pick and choose from a handful of hole-in-the-wall joints of the edges of town.

Our bags arrived and we made our way to the Taxi line. Thankfully the line moved surprisingly quick - something I guessed was due to the number of visitors the city received each day. Greg and I were next in line when a cab pulled forward and screeched to a stop - the entire car lurching forward at the sudden breaking action of the driver. The cabby darted out of the car and quickly helped us throw the bags in the trunk. He seemed in a rush, so we hopped in the back as fast as we could. He took off from the lane so fast I had a hard time gathering the strength to put on my seatbelt against the G-forces generated by the high rate of acceleration. Each stoplight from the airport to the Alexis had our heads bobbing back and forth - generating more motion sickness than any airplane could have.

Upon arriving we got settled in the top floor unit. It included two rooms - a living room with a mini kitchen, and a bedroom with two queen sized beds. Greg claimed the bed closest to the window while I got on the phone to my friend Zach who was going to be in town from Los Angeles for the other convention. I arranged to meet him at Gypsy, one of only a handful of gaybars in the city. Odd, I thought - for such a party town, you'd think they'd have several more venues for us gays.

Greg, an outspoken homophobe, though surprisingly comfortable with me, was ready to party. I informed him I was planning on visiting with my buddy at the gay bar, to which he responded, "Let's go."

"I said it was a gay bar."

"Yep, I wanna see it."

"Alright, that's cool."

We arrived by taxi at the bar and waited in line to pay the cover. Upon entering I found Zach right away and introduced him to Greg. Zach gave us each tickets to allow entrance to the VIP room in the back, where we made our way.

Separated by a glass wall from the rest of the bar, we were immersed in world of near-nude high-buck porn stars, free drinks, and disappointing snack food. But who eats anyway? Food that is, who eats food?

Surrounded by sex, and not the persuasion he generally found interest in, Greg found himself a little uncomfortable. We immediately made our way to the bar where we ordered a couple of stiff cocktails and found a seat in the corner. The drinking ensued for a couple more rounds and we began socializing with the others in the room.

Names aside, we found ourselves engaging in conversation with the gay couple who ran ChiChi Larue's website, a lesbian couple who owned the publishing company behind Freshman magazine (among 14 other such pubs), an amateur guy new to the business had brought his mother - a Jr. High Librarian, the owner of the largest gay website on the 'net - in town from Toronto, the marketting manager for another big opperation, the photographer/owner of the largest provider of "twink" content on the east and west coasts - opperating out of both Miami and San Diego, and of course a handful of self-admitted fluffers and tan-skinned beauties from Larue's pack - one of which was circling the room to show off his viagra-enlarged unit.

I was in a gay porn utopia when ChiChi Larue herself entered. I promptly introduced myself and requested a photo with her - she politely inclined and we shared a moment.

Shortly afterwards the party was set to begin with the real entertainment. ChiChi disappeared into a hidden backroom to prep for her appearance. Greg and I made our way to the main room to get a good view of the stage.

ChiChi came out with a cordless microphone and an armful of promo videos of her new flick. She had the crowd laughing and tossed out the cassettes. (We hadn't yet entered the heyday of DVDs)

Then she introduced the movie's stars and left them to entertain the crowd that now surrounded the stage.

Greg was in a trance, but I was getting a little bored with the ecstacy on the stage and wandered back towards the VIP room, away from the crowd. On my way I was seduced by a charming young stallion, sans shirt. His name was Chris, and he was a local, probably out on the prowl during a night he knew there'd be a lot of out-of-towners. Regardless, he was incredibly attractive, and we were both drunk. We locked ourselves in the sole bathroom for several minutes before a bouncer forced us out. We had a few more cocktails before we couldn't take it any longer and headed out.

Both starving with alcohol-induced appetites, we stopped at Denny's on the strip for some breakfast food.

I found it funny that there was even a Denny's on the strip. Having never been to Vegas, my only visions of it were from things I'd seen on television and film. I had imagined it as a posh party spot with glitzy resort hotel casinos, water fountains, and huge lit art works lining the streets. But here, in the midst of it all, was Denny's.

After breakfast and a few cups of coffee we headed back to my hotel where we did everything but sleep. It was one of the most enjoyable one night stands I'd ever had.

And my homophobic boss was snoring away in the next room all night.

Shortly after sunrise I told Chris he'd have to go for fear of Greg's morning reaction to finding two nude gays in his room upon waking. We exchanged phone numbers and promised to keep in touch.

Neither of us ever attempted to contact the other, but I kept that number in my phone for over a year. (So you can't say I'm not a romantic.)

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September 27, 2005

Financed Blowjob

It was the Wednesday night before the Thanksgiving holiday. I didn't have to work the following day and wouldn't have to be at my parents' house until the late afternoon, so of course I was at the bar.

A year prior, on this very same night, I had been visiting another fine establishment on Hennepin Ave, where I met an officer of the Minneapolis police department. He continued to purchase drinks for me as fast as I could finish them. We stood at the bar - me telling tall tales and staring in envy at the bartender, while he politely listened. When the bar closed at 1:00 AM, I promptly totalled my car within 30 seconds of getting into it. It was fun explaining that one to my family at the Thanksgiving dinner table.

But I digress.

I find myself at the bar again. Really, where else would I be? I didn't want to miss out on all the fun sure to be happening. Afterall, the holidays always bring fresh meat to the bar. Guys who don't have families to visit with around the holidays, guys who are in town visiting for the holidays, students out on the town without school - this was a night I wouldn't miss.

After all the drinking, the dancing, the drinking, the smoking, the drinking, the gossiping, the drinking, I found myself among few patrons at the end of the night. A cute guy in his mid-twenties wearing a baseball cap passed me on his way to the bar. I, having enough liquid courage built up, approached him.

"Hi, I'm Dan."

"Hey, I'm Joel."

"What are you up to tonight?"

"I'm in town from D.C. visiting my aunt for the holiday."

"Wanna go back to my place?"

"Sure."

My roommate was out of town visiting his family for the holiday, so I had the place to myself. I instructed my visitor to park in a designated guest spot and we headed to the sign-in sheet.

"What's your license plate number?"

"I dunno - it's my Aunt's car."

"Aww, fuckit - they won't tow you."

We proceeded inside and to the elevator. By the time we reached my floor we were already in each other's pants. Drunk, but still able to unlock the door, we entered my place and down the hall to my bedroom. Clothes came off, groping, kissing, moaning - you know the drill. He started to suck me off. After a couple minutes I felt myself beginning to lose my hard-on and the room was spinning. Embarrassed, I pushed him away.

He tried to force my face down on him to reciprocate. Too dizzy and feeling some nausea coming on, I refused and passed out shortly after.

In the morning I woke up alone. The fog took a few moments to clear before I remembered what had transpired. I rolled over and looked at the clock. Noon. Then I heard him in the kitchen pouring himself a glass of water. Fuck. Why can't you just leave?

I rolled back over and heard other strange noises as I fell back asleep.

I woke again an hour later. I stayed in bed for as long as I could - roughly five minutes of silence before my bladder couldn't hold off any longer. I crossed my fingers that he'd left by this time and darted for the bathroom. Ahhh, finally the release I was looking for.

I walked out to the kitchen, poured myself a glass of water and then made my way around the corner into the living room.

I noticed it immediately. My brand new $2,200 Dell Laptop was gone. There were three laptops setup and he took the most expensive one. I had just purchased it a month prior. Actually, purchased isn't quite the right word. I charged it on a new credit card a month prior. I hadn't even made the first payment.

MOTHER FUCKER

I ran to my bedroom, threw on some clothes and ran out the door. Pacing back and forth waiting for the elevator. Reaching the lobby I turned the corner into view of the guest spot his car had occupied. No sight of him.

We hadn't filled out the guest parking registry. I had heard him that morning and just rolled over. I should have reciprocated the blowjob.

I went back upstairs, laid in my bed and looked around. Boxes still not unpacked from moving in more than a year prior. Clothes strewn all over the place. I was a wreck. And it was going to take me a few years of minimum payments to pay off that blowjob.

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September 26, 2005

Monday sunshine

I took the day off of work - something I haven't been able to do in a very long time. And what am I doing on my day off? Well, Coffee and Crosswords, of course - at my favorite coffee shop, Spyhouse.

After a weekend of cold rain and long naps, today's looking beautiful. High of 70 and all sunshine. My kind of weather.

The patio doors are wide open here at the coffee shop and little birds keep coming in and trying to fly out through closed windows, smacking their heads on the glass. They never learn.

So I'm being mindless today, because I can. Trying to become one with myself - all of my selves.

Quick recap of the weekend:

Saw Hellbent at the Uptown Theater with Jim. Funny flick - especially loved the eyeball scene towards the end. Had to walk back to Jim's place afterwards in the pooring rain. Thank Gawd he only lives three blocks from there.

Yesterday I was at, you guessed it, Spyhouse, and ran into Tom and Gregg. Tom did a cartwheel on the wet ground outside, but only if I promised to mention him in my blog so that his further the spread of his fame. Tom, start your own gawd-damned blog already - you'll become famous much quicker that way.

I'm off to St. Paul - Land of Lesbians, for lunch with Jim, who recently purchased a car! I'm excited for him, but at the same time, a little sad, because I won't have the opportunity to get over there much any more if he's got his own wheels. Oh well, I'm sure the lesbians can do without me.

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September 04, 2005

Melancholy and the Infinite Sadness

It's been raining in Minneapolis for the last day and a half. Marvelous thunderstorms accompanied by alternating winds and still air.

<-- broken record sound: interuption ensues -->

God damned that Details magazine! Here I'm sitting at Spyhouse, ready to write a very poinant post, when one of those gawd-damned metrosexuals sits down in front of me. With his girlfriend. That's just not fair. Why do they tease us so?

I'm jealous of traditional faghags who end up with boyfriends, who then dress their boyfriends up to be just like their gay guy friends, and order them a subscription to Details. It drives me wild! I mean seriously. Can't these guys just wear their usual Levis and Abercrombie tops so we can, at the very least, tell them apart?

<-- ... okay, back to my no longer very poinant post -->

After waking up to some extreme thunder and emergency response vehicles responding to an accident in the Lowry Tunnel this morning, I made my way down to Spyhouse. Surprisingly Tom and Gregg were here, enjoying some coffee before heading off to the Unitarian Church they've been visiting on a few of the past several Sunday mornings.

I spoke with them for a while about the church. They said they really like it. The altar is made of rocks, and the congregation is made up of a bunch of hippies from the 60s who stopped doing drugs, but wanted to continue their spiritual experience. Maybe I'll give it a shot some Sunday.

I tried our local chapter of MCC a couple of times, and the sermons were okay, but there's just something unholy about walking into a church and hearing the choir rehersing It's Raining Men that I just can't quite get past.

I spent yesterday on the couch for five hours, napping, waking up to the thunder, falling back asleep, watching bad movies on Lifetime, falling back asleep again, and so on.

Finally around 5:00 PM I forced myself to go to the gym. Then came home, dressed and went to the Saturday night meeting I really enjoy but haven't been to in quite some time. It's called Saturday Night Live, and it's held at the school directly behind the Basilica of St. Mary. It's a speaker meeting, so there isn't a whole lot of one-on-one interaction, but there's just so much positive energy in that room I feel as if I'm recharged when I go.

The five minute speaker who started us off was a funny guy. I think there was some mental illness there, but I couldn't tell if it was that or if he just had a really dry sense of humor. He kept talking about how the Lord Baby Jesus saved him, and as I looked around I could tell that I wasn't alone - nobody else could tell if he was trying to be funny or serious, either. Oh, that and when the trusted servant asked if there was anyone visiting from out of town, he stood up and said he was visiting from St. Paul. Which is funny, because technically it is out of Minneapolis, but really, it's only five minutes away and not really considered "out of town."

The main speaker was really inspirational. 4 years or so sober, she was in her mid-to-late twenties. After having a child at a young age and abononing him, she's come to make a normal life for herself in recovery and continuing to re-nuture her relationship with her son again. AA stories always get emotional when the alcoholic has children and they talk about the guilt they feel about how they weren't around, how they abused / neglected them, etc. It's amazing that the power of alochol and/or drugs can be stronger than the bond between mother and child.

The sun is out now, so I'm going to hit the gym and then off to see my parents - hopefully my Dad will grill steaks!

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August 20, 2005

Business and friends don't mix

Recently a friend approached me about doing a project for him. I was honored that he thought enough of me to ask. Shortly after we sat down together, outlined the work that needed to be done, and kicked off the project. A few days later I got an email saying that he wanted to pull out and cancel.

I was perplexed, stunned, shocked - it was the last thing I thougth would happen. I asked him about it and he said that I offended him. I feel very badly about this, but don't know how else I could have handled the situation.

Losing the project was a bummer, because I was really looking forward to it for the fun factor more than anything. But more importantly, I feel like the friendship has suffered.

I guess it's sort of like living with someone. You may be the best of friends, but after moving in together you find that you really aren't a good match.

Or when you're friends with somebody and one night you have sex. The entire dynamic around your relationship with that friend and mutual friends changes.

Well, shit happens. I guess all I can do at this point is know that I apologized and continue to try to be a good friend.

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August 05, 2005

A frick'n day off

As unserene as the headline might suggest I'm feeling at the moment, I'm actually quite happy! It's Friday and I am enjoying the beginning of a three day weekend here at, you guessed it - Spyhouse. Just finished my attempt at the crossword puzzles and reluctantly forced myself to put them down after unsuccessfully attempting to solve the NYT grid today. Damn - I must need more culture, history, reading, or something ... I can't be that dumb, can I? Okay, I'll stop there. Don't answer that.

It's a beautiful 65 at the moment, with a high in the low 80s. I slept with the windows open last night, and there's no rain in sight for days! I love it when you can leave the doors open and walk freely between inside and out. It doesn't seem often that you can do that - either raining, or so humid you feel like you're walking through a thick cream of mushroom something-or-other.

Work has been both good and bad as of late. Why, oh why am I writing about work on my day off? Well, I can't stop thinking about it, I suppose. We've had some senior folks leave the agency, which leaves us somewhat directionless, unmotivated, leery and nervous of the future - you know, shit that everyone deals with in everyday life is now entering my work life! Something that's supposed to be structured and consistent, right? I should know better. The only constant is change, right?

Well, I'm trying to make the best of it. It forces you to pick up some of the slack and make up for the holes in personel. I'm sure it will all turn out okay. Now I'll just have new people to impress.

I've got my first sponsee in AA. It's really quite an honor to be asked. I will have 18 months sober on Tuesday, and my sponsor has been bugging me to get a sponsee for months now. Of course he was hoping I was going to end up with somebody very challenging, but I think this guy's going to make it. He's determined, seems willing, and so far, has been honest as far as I can tell. Cross your fingers he stays sober or I'll never hear the end of it from the Legion of Decency.

I'm off to enjoy the rest of the day. Hope you're not all at work ;-)

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August 03, 2005

meme meme meme

I've been tagged by Matt. Luckily this is a rather short one!

I'm it.

Now I'm tagging Michael Guy, Chad Fox, and Rotten Ryan.

How long we have been with our partner/significant other/boy/girlfriend?

Too long.

How we met?

Mutual friends.

What we like to do together?

Talk to ourselves.

If we are single, what life with our ideal spouse/partner would look like?

Summers in the Hamptons, vacations in Mykonos, a condo in Monaco, a house on the hill in Laguna Beach, and an apartment on the Upper West Side.

No, really - just a nice guy who turns me on and I feel comfortable with. They'd have to be self-sufficient. Have their own interests. Not too clingy - they lead their own life, too. A home with a small lawn and garden. Maybe a dog. Oh, and a neighbor who's a little leary of the boys across the street.

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July 15, 2005

The latest

Thursday brought an end to an insane week. Insanity seems to surround me, but that's what keeps me going I guess - trying to manage it all. Sometimes the challenge is fun, and sometimes it's not. I was happy the week was over.

From work, I headed over to Dinkytown for a dinner at the Chinese restaurant on 4th street near the Loring Pasta Bar with some friends. Richard had organized a group of friends to see the latest show at the Varsity Theater next door.

I walked into the restaurant and there must have been 30 - 40 people there! I was imagining only six or seven, so I was a little surprised. Richard picked up everyone's dinner and paid for the tickets to the show.

The theatre was a fun experience. It's been redecorated and overstuffed furniture is scatterred in a blackbox fashion amidst the stage. The show was called The Artificial Jungle. It was a funny show, but Jim was bored. We both got naps in - the furniture was too comfy not to fall asleep at the end of a hard week!

Richard is such a generous, good, loving guy - he picked up the tab for the dinner and the show for everyone. I'm grateful people like Richard are in my life today.

Today I slept in - until 8:30am - woo hoo! Stopped in at Spyhouse for some coffee and crosswords, and then headed over for my 11:00 hair appointment at Tommy's on Lake - formerly Schmidty's. My stylist was running behind on his appointments, so I got to spend an extra 20 minutes gawking over the new guy behind the front counter. I didn't quite catch his name, but I thought I heard somebody call him Austin. What is with guys named "Dallas" or "JR" or "Austin" - all things I associate with Texas or Dallas - they're all cute!

Stopped in at home with every intention of changing and running over to the gym, but I ended up vegging out on the couch for 5 hours. I know, I know - napping on a sunny day and waking up on the couch to a Lifetime Television film is not very glamorous.

Decided I was too tired to contemplate the gym, so I headed over to Vera's to grab a piece of cake and relax. Substituting cake for the gym certainly isn't recommended, but this was carrot cake, so it's healthy, right? Aaron stopped in and I had a nice chat with him. I haven't seen him in months, so it was nice to catch up with him. He's such a good egg.

Caught the last half of a non-air conditioned meeting (note to self: wait until winter to go back to that meeting!) and went to dinner afterwards with those folks. Talked to Wanda there for a while. She had foreign podcasters in town - I think they're planning on taking over the world, or something equally dubious.

I'm finishing up my evening where I started the day off - Spyhouse. Dim lights here tonight with some unknown rockband being broadcast from the speakers. And the best part - the uber-hot guy sitting near me with a ripped sleaveless t-shirt, ripped jeans, shaved head, a road construction worker tan - a total badass, you know the kind who are ruthless in bed. And guess what he's doing tonight? He's fucking water coloring!

Since when do the guys of my dreams sit alone in a coffee shop on a Friday night water coloring??? Ahh, such is life - and life is good.

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July 04, 2005

Sunday night at the Saloon

Jim and I decided to head down to the Saloon last night. There were going to be a bunch of sober people out and nobody had to work today.

Saw a hot guy playing pool. He took his shirt off halfway through the night, and everybody suddenly became HUGE pool fans - myself included. Not sure why one takes their shirt off playing pool - it's not like you should be breaking a sweat. At the end of the night we concluded he must be straight and just liked all the attention. Okay, so I didn't even make eye-contact, and the straight theory is my story and I'm sticking to it.

Not like I really want to pick up a guy in a bar anyway. Though I was tempted. I used to go to the Saloon several times a week. Oftentimes it involved bringing somebody home for the night. It's a lot different sober. You see the folks who are behaving like you used to. You see the normies who don't have a problem. And then you see the folks that you knew from the rooms that are back at the bar.

It's really sad. I counted five people last night I knew from AA who were out drinking. I guess it's really an eye-opener for me as to how difficult a struggle this whole sobriety thing really can be for some people. I didn't really have an urge to drink last night, but it was discomforting to see these people drinking.

One friend had 8 or 9 years sober and then decided he was never an alcoholic to begin with. Another friend had 3 and half years sober and decided yesterday he was going to do a shot, have a few bears, and then hop right back on the bandwagon.

It makes me sad. In my meeting last night we read a story in which the author talks about the two aspects of alcoholism - The allergy of the body, and the obsession of the mind. The latter is clearly the more dangerous of the two. An allergy you can do something about - avoid whatever you're allergic to. The obsession of the mind is what leads us down dangerous paths, makes bad decisions, and does unhealthy things.

The obsession will eventually lead to a complete change in a person if they continue drinking. They will no longer be themselves. Their whole being will become an addict and revolve around that addiction. Everything else is secondary. Eventually they will lose everything, and it's in the process of losing everything that you feel bad for them. Having to watch it over time, just waiting for the person to hit their bottom, is not pleasant. They will blame everything but themselves as to why they lose this or that. They're living in a delusion of an okay life, until it hits them one day that they are spent. They find themselves empty, with nobody and nothing, to reach out for.

Have a happy 4th of July and be grateful of the gifts you've been given.

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June 18, 2005

They grow up quickly, don't they?

I had the opportunity to visit with some childhood friends this afternoon. You see, my parents moved out of the house I grew up in some five years ago. Prior to them moving I was rarely around either. So to see some of the old neighbors and the kids, was quite a treat.

We all gathered in a back yard along the lake. Sun-shading tent pitched with tables galore. The kids playing horseshoes and running around terrorizing adults. Potato salad, fruit salad, eggbake, bagels - it was a strange assortment of food. And thankfully they had plenty of chocolate that needed to be eaten before it melted.

Clear sky and 80 degrees by the lake. It really brought back memories of growing up. The innocence. Freedom of responsibility. Naivety. Ignorance really is bliss.

The little girl I used to babysit graduated highschool - she had tits! She was wearing a low-cut, but not tacky, top. She had friends surrounding her. Her younger brother who I had also watched had grown too. Cute curly blonde hair - he's now sixteen! The last time I saw him he was seven years old and still sucking his thumb. I've got to think he must have done some permanent damage to his skin by the measure of time that thumb was housed in his mouth.

I got to spend some time with my "second mother" - the woman who watched my brother and I before and after school for many, many years. Wonderful lady.

The doctor's wife had kicked him out of the house for cheating, when she was at home raising the four daughters. She had a new boyfriend who seemed much more her style. I hope she's happier now. She still has her horses.

The next door neighbor died on Wednesday. He had some sort of cancer. He left a wife and two kids. I never really got along well with them, but I was a kid - does that really count? Now I feel sorry for them. They had to watch him suffer for six months before he finally passed.

The lesbians living in our old house weren't there. Ahhh well - no need for flannel on such a beautiful day anyhow, right? Okay, alright, already - I'm going straight to hell, I know.

I couldn't get over how much these kids had grown. As I drove away out of the old neighborhood, a feeling of my own age and mortality hit me. I'm a fuck'n grown-up now. They say that time flies when you're having fun. Today I'm having fun.

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May 12, 2005

Why I blog

Michael did such a beautiful job answering these questions in his recent post that I decided to give it a go. Of course, reading his blog you just know that he rattles this shit off the tip of his tounge. For me, I have to think about what I write. Like the needle-holding nursing assistant in that forever-funny episode of Will and Grace says, "I was like, 'This is haaard.'"

1) Why do you keep your weblog/blog/online writing thingie: for fun, for fame, for money, for popularity, or for another more obscur reason? What about the weblog gives you what you want?

I first starting writing about a year ago. My intent then was to explore myself, my sobriety, my inner-child, my what-have-you, through writing. I thought that perhaps a few people might stumble upon the site, and that was okay with me.

Then I discovered blogrolls, blog directory sites, and even other bloggers. My recent attempt at sobriety was suddenly filled with another obsession - blogging.

I now sometimes struggle with finding something to write about. I like to make quick small posts about humorous or news-worthy events happening in the world, but I also like to write something semi-meaningful, diary-like, or something that others may get something out of.

I've met people in person through the blogosphere. I've made friends online who I've never met, and probably never will. But it's given me another avenue in which to expand my life.

Now, I think I blog because I want to be able to look back on my life and see what was important to me back when ..., and see what my perspective was about what was going on in current events, and all that jazz. In many ways I'm still growing up, and like parents with a video camera locked on their little one, I want to see myself grow up.

2) Imagine that your weblog becomes wildly popular: your hit counter skyrockets, your comments are overflowing, and everyone is emailing you about everything you post. Name 3 positive things that could come of this, and 3 negative things.

3 positive things:

• I'll have the validation (that I don't really need, but who doesn't like that?)


• My google ads may actually be generating more than $0.07 a day


• I will have met countless folks that will have undoubtably helped me grow

3 negative things:

• My hosting bill will have skyrocketed


• My inbox would presumably be overflowing with people needing my help each and every day. Sometimes a life of fame and celbrity isn't all it's cracked up to be!


• The pressure to continue writing and continue growing readership may ultimatley hurt the content

3) What's the worst possible result you can imagine (short of being electrocuted or having your computer take over your brain, and who says it hasn't already?) from keeping a weblog?

Being fired. My mother finding it? Being stalked? Okay, so that might be kinda fun. I really can't imagine anything all that bad coming of this. I suppose I'm somewhat of an open book with this blog, so there's a possibility that somebody could take advantage of me, but I don't know how.

4) What do you do to prevent that worst possible result from happening?

I don't normally mention folks by the full name, nor do I mention where I work, or list my street address - those types of nuances.

5) List 5 reasons that would make you stop keeping your weblog for a period of 6months to a year.

• Breaking both hands
• Breaking both wrists
• Breaking my back
• Dying
• Becoming very depressed

6) List 5 reasons that would make you stop forever.

• Dying
• Going 'back out'
• If something (I can't imagine what) terrible happened as a result of my mainting this site
• Somebody paid me a lot of money to shut up
• ?
• ?

7) Describe your definition of a "successful weblog".

I suppose there are lots of factors. Readers, interesting posts, serves a purpose - all of these things are probably good indicators. Running in the black if you're trying to turn a profit, too.

8) Is yours successful by your definition?

I think so. The blog serves my purposes. I have readers. Interesting posts - thats for the readers to decide. Profitable - not by a long shot.

9) What pisses you off most in other weblogs? What pleases you most?

I don't know that anything pisses me off about other weblogs. If I don't like them, I just don't go back. However, there are some things that will make me not go back:

• Nude photos of women
• Egotistical or right-wing writing
• Nude photos of female breasts
• Ridulous designs, copy that ReAdS LiKe ThIs is not cool either
• Nude photos of cooches
• Uninteresting topic matter

What pleases me:

• Links back to my blog
• Trackbacks to my blog
• Seeing a site high in the referrs list of my log reports
• People sharing their real selves with the world
• Other folks like me - which makes me realize that maybe I'm not the only crazy one out there

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May 09, 2005

BMW SUVs and serenity in the north

Jim told his story tonight at Hazelden. He did a great job. He's an awesome speaker, getting both laughs and applauses. It's quite an honor to be asked to speak at the treatment center that's pretty much invented the current 28 day treatment program prescribed to most sufferring alcoholics and addicts.

I'd never been up there before, but it's an awesome place. It makes the place I went to treatment look like a Hollywood Video in a stripmall off a two-lane highway in a 4th ring suburb. Hazelden on the otherhand, resembles a prestigous private university campus:

Check out the photo tour page of the facilities on their website.

It's up in Center City, MN - about an hour north of the Sin Cities, a.k.a., Minneapolis - St. Paul. On the way there you drive through a couple of really small towns that are purley Scandanavian and German. The small town culture up there is cute and endearing, but I can just imagine some of the folks going into treatment, just off the plane from LA or New York, driving through these towns. What must be going through their heads when they see the sign the nicest restaurant in town - Trappers. The only hint of civilization is a Hardeez that you have to drive down a pot-hole infested frontage road that may as well have been gravel.

But once you take that right turn on Pleasant Valley Rd., and another right on the curvacious and hilly private drive, you enter a world of walking paths through dense forests. A half mile into the adventure you come upon the campus - hidden from the rest of the world. It's what I imagine is a great place to come and find yourself.

On the way up there I spoke with my Grandma on the phone. She talked about staying at Hazelden for a week with my Grandfather for part of his treatment program for alcoholism. I have a hard time judging just how much of it she understood, or cares to lead-on to knowing. I think that she's more comfortable playing dumb and not talking about the real reasons he was there. He passed on about 10 years ago now and I believe she prefers to remember him as the perfect husband and father. He was a great grandfather to me, but I can imagine he had room for improvement in the father/husband role, being a practicing alcoholic. Who knows if I should even have these thoughts? Who am I to think and write these things?

My grandfather died of Alcoholism and Tuberculosis. He always appeared happy to me and made me laugh. However all the time I knew him he didn't appear physically well. By the time he finally passed his liver had all but shriveled up and he had 80% of his lungs removed. He required an oxygen machine to live and was barely mobile. I never knew him any different and I loved him anyway. I'm rambling now, but it was nice to think back on the memories I have of him.

Jim and I drove back into town and as I merged from one freeway to another, I noticed the most interesting sight. A BMW X5 SUV was towing a UHaul trailer. It occurred to me that I'd never actually seen one of those luxury brand SUVs ever tow anything. Sure, I've seen Chevy's and Fords towing around boats, trailers, and the like ... but a UHaul truck being toted along by an X5? It was utterly absurd. What would the other X5 drivers think if they saw that?

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April 19, 2005

Mixed feelings

I just got back from The Firm, where I haven't been on a regular basis for the last couple of weeks.

... err, I mean months

... or, I mean half-years

Okay, so I've been a couple of times since last Thanksgiving, but not many.

I feel great, in that post-workout sorta way. But at the same time I feel like I could die. I could barely get down the protein shake. I really miss working out all the time. You get such an energy rush, contribute to an all-around healthy lifestyle, endorphins are pumping, and you just feel so much better about yourself.

Then why is it that it's so easy to fall out of the habbit of going? I've gone through these cycles several times in life. But I had a pretty good go at it this last time around. I was at that gym at least four times a week for a year, and then poof - I stopped. What's up with that? Thinking back on it, I think it started when I got pretty sick around Thanksgiving. Some virus that knocked me out for a few days had disallowed me from going, and then I was 'recovering' and then I was 'catching up on work' and the excuses and rationalizations for not going kept coming. And pretty soon people stopped asking why they hadn't seen me at the gym, and I no longer needed to make excuses.

This story is starting to sound familiar ...

Thank Gawd Dallas is on shortly.

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April 07, 2005

Dallas

I grew up watching Dallas every Friday night, followed by Falcon Crest. Angela Channing was never quite as sinister as JR Ewing, so I usually fell asleep during the latter, with my parents dragging me to bed.

Even though I can't imagine I understood much of the show, I always enjoyed watching the Ewings and the Barnes duke it out.

Today I'm blessed with the miracle of channel 46 - a.k.a. SoapNet. The months after I was laid off from my first job I saw the entire run of Knot's Landing.

Tonight's 11:00pm (central time) airing of the Dallas 2nd season finalle was another blessing - as the original viewing of the "Who Shot JR" episode was on the air when I was but one year old.

God, thank you for Dallas.

I was doing a little research and came across a wonderful site - UltimateDallas.com. It's got everything Dallas-related you can ever want for. They even have video clips, including the JR shooting scene. And did you know? There's talk of a Dallas film for the big screen by the show's original creator, David Jacobs?!

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March 30, 2005

Buh-Bye Smokey-Treats

Posted by SparklesMpls at 11:23 PM | Comments (12) | TrackBack

Mah birthday

My birthday was very nice. Friends put a lot of effort into it and it turned out to be a gay 'ol time. I got some gag gifts - "Gliding Jesus" action figure, an entire bottle of "Rimming Syrup" and a kitty-launching gun. The food was fantastic, and the cake was quite endearing:

I also got some fun hair product, relaxing music (much needed), and Jim gave me a membership to the Walker. It all made me feel like I am somebody.

I'm so blessed to have such great friends. Thanks all.

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March 29, 2005

Past the quarter century mark

Good lord, yes, I've turned 26 today. Thanks, Jim, for announcing that to the world. I am at work today. Saw my shrink this morning. AA meeting this evening and then gathering with friends afterwards.

I don't feel that much older, but the thought of turning 30 at this point is a little disheartening ;-) Just kidding, really!

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March 27, 2005

I'm coming out

... as a former bed-wetter. Yep, you read that right. I wet the bed every night until I was 8 years old.

For as far back as I can remember there was a plastic sheet that wrapped around my twin mattress. Laying down on my bed or turning from side to side would create a crinkling noise that still haunts me until this day.

When I was six and still wetting the bed, my parents got me a cotton-covered rubber sheet as a way to make me feel more like a grown-up because it didn't make any noises.

My mom tried to console me by telling me that her brother also wet the bed when he was young, but I still felt like something was wrong with me.

We went to the doctor who told us not to let me drink anything a few hours before going to bed. It didn't help.

Then we got some contraption, seemingly from a TV infomercial gone bad. The contraption consisted of a sheet of plastic with metal wires running over the surface - imagine the lines of the rear-window defroster in your car. This plastic sheet was then connected by wire to a plastic box housing an on/off switch and 4 "D" batteries. It would sense when you began wetting the bed and would set off a ear-piercing shrill. As you can imagine, this didn't work either as it would only go off after you had pissed all over yourself.

When I was in the first grade a classmate invited me to his house for a slumber party to celebrate his birthday. We slept in an authentic Native American teepee his parents had on their property. There were probably 12 of us seven year-olds. I was too nervous to fall asleep fearing an embarassing morning soaked in urine. So nervous I never went to sleep. Thanksfully Michael S didn't want to fall asleep either, so we plucked grass from the ground and placed it in our sleeping friends' open mouths.

Can you imagine waking up with a mouthfull of freshly-picked grass?

Shortly after I turned 8 I woke up with a dry bed. It was the most amazing feeling in the world to me at that point in my history. I never wet the bed again.

My brother wet the bed until he was 12.

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March 20, 2005

Back online

The blog is back online again, as is Jim's.

Here's a brief synopsis of the stages I've gone through since discovering my site was offline:

1. Panic

2. Double-panic - it wasn't just my blog that was down - other sites were down, too.

3. Triple-panic - the entire contents of my server had been deleted, and I don't have an automated backup process in place.

4. Anger - I was on the phone with my hosting company, screaming at the poor souls on the other end. They just couldn't do much to help me, as some hacker from France had assumed control of my server and was now hosting a website for a fake bank to phish for credit card numbers.

5. Surrender and acceptance - I started putting the pieces back together again. Got to work putting sites back online, and notifying clients of the circumstances with their websites. Nobody was too upset.

6. Workaholic - kept working on the server and sites.

7. Serenity - I'm happy everything is put back together now. Upside to the situation is that my server got whiped clean and everything's running a little bit smoother now.

Major bummers:
- all of the images from my blogposts are gone forever
- all of the comments from prior to the takeover are gone forever

Still on the to do list:
- automate FTP backups from my box in the closet
- get the gallery up and running again

Thanks for the nice emails and comments.

Posted by SparklesMpls at 03:05 AM | Comments (11) | TrackBack

March 13, 2005

Dinner with the fam

Had an action packed day today ...

1. Coffee and crosswords in the morning @ Spyhouse
2. Minnesober planning meeting
3. Dinner with the fam at Axel Bonfire
4. Sunday night meeting at the sober home

Dinner with my parents and brother was really nice. Prior to entering the program over a year ago, my relationship with all of them was quite poor. I was continually asking my Dad for money in shame, avoiding my mother, and competing with my brother. Today I'm paying my dad back, enjoy talking to him and my mother, and actually wish my brother the best.

The meeting tonight was really nice as well. We had a good converation about the meaning of spirituality and the different forms in manifests itself in different people. We've got an eclectric group of people who all have a slightly different take on things. What's so beautiful is that people are able to change their lives based on many different belief systems and yet take their differing views and help others with their problems.

Anyway, it's late and I don't think I'm making sense anymore :-) Have a great night/morning/week/day!

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March 06, 2005

Coffee shop (non)serenity

So I'm sitting in a coffee shop trying to get some work done and stay awake and there is a table of 3 giggling girls next to me. I'm not talking the teenage girls who who are giggling about the cute new guy on The OC, I'm talking about college-aged girls playing a dice-trivia game about the history of the Shakesperian era. Every time one of them says something the other two will start giggling like somebody's tickling their feet with a feather tip.

Maybe it's just my mood, but in all honesty, I think I'd have a hard time in attaining any sort of serenity in this situation.

I know, I know ... you're thinking, "why doesn't that moron Sparkles get up and move or leave?"

Because. I was here first, damnit.

Posted by SparklesMpls at 08:13 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

February 26, 2005

One of those 'get to know me' things

Just relaxing on a Saturday afternoon. Saw this questionaire over at Rotten Ryan and figured I'd give it a go.

First Name:
Dan

Were you named after anyone?
Don't think so.

Do you wish on stars?
no

When did you last cry?
A little more than a year ago, right before I went into treatment.

Do you like your handwriting?
Yes

What is your favorite lunchmeat?
Ham

What is your most embarrassing CD?
Snow

Have you ever told a secret you swore not to tell?
Yes

Do looks matter?
Yes, sadly, they do.

How do you release anger?
Drive fast, get grumpy, go for walks, eat.

Where is your second home?
Work

Do you trust others easily?
sometimes

What was your favorite toy as a child?
He-Man and G.I.Joe action figures, Legos, my Dukes of Hazard "General Lee" pedal car, bicycle

Do you use sarcasm a lot?
yes

Favorite movie(s)?

Eyes Wide Shut, Laurel Canyon
American Psycho
Secretary
Drop Dead Gorgeous
Rules of Attraction

What are your nicknames?
Sparkles

Would you bungee jump?
no

Do you untie your shoes when you take them off?
no

Do you think that you are strong?
yes

What is your favorite ice cream flavor?
vanilla - I know, I'm plain and boring

What are your favorite colors?
blue

What are you listening to right now?
Some neo-indie guy playing at a coffee shop. Sounds somewhat like Ben Folds Five

Last thing you ate?
a cranberry and white chocolate scone

If you were a crayon, what color would you be?
what the fuck kind of question is this?

What is the weather like right now?
Sunny ... and 27

Last person you talked to on the phone?
Sister Hoffner

Do you like the person who sent this to you?
Nobody sent it to me, I stole it from Ryan. Don't really know him, but he seems cool.

How are You Today?
Overwhelmed, which explains why I'm wasting time filling out this questionaire

Favorite Drink?
Coffee ... err, vodka-redbull, vodka-tonic, long beach

Favorite Sport?
wrestling

Hair Color?
brown

Eye Color?
hazel

Do you wear contacts?
no, but I probably should.

Favorite Food?
steak with bernaise sauce

Last Movie You Watched?
American Warewolf in London ... gimme a break, it was on the television while I was working late last night.

Favorite Day Of The Year?
Feb 9

Scary Movies Or Happy Endings?
Depends on the mood. Generally scary movies, tho.

Hugs Or Kisses?
neither

What Is Your Favorite Dessert?
chocolate cake

Living Arrangements?
Own a condo with a roommate.

What Book(s) Are You Reading?
Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions

What is on Your Mouse Pad?
n/a

What Did You Watch Last night on TV?
See above under "Last movie you watched"

Favorite Smells?
Gucci Envy
Grandma's cooking
Fresh flowers
New car

Rolling Stones or Beatles?
Beatles, I guess, but both are really before my time.

Do you believe in Evolution or Creationism?
Evolution

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Another one of those 'get to know me' things

Call me narcisistic - I've done two of these in twelve hours!

WHAT IS THE GEEKIEST PART OF YOUR BOOK COLLECTION?
My StarTrek TNG collection - I'm a totally trekkie.

WHAT DID YOU DO ON VALENTINE'S DAY?
Jim came over with some Lunds lasagna and a few gay flicks he got off of netflicks. They turned out to be pornos-with-mini-plots and were completely awful, so we rented an action flick on VOD.

WHAT DID YOU GET ON VALENTINE'S DAY?
Some lasagna

WHAT IS YOUR SECRET GUARNATEED WEEPING MOVIE?
Steel Magnolias

IF YOU COULD HAVE PLASTIC SURGERY, WHAT WOULD YOU HAVE DONE?
Pectorial implants?

DO YOU HAVE A COMPLETELY IRRATIONAL FEAR?
ummm.... spiders and snakes totally freak me out, but I don't consider that irrational.

WHAT IS THE LITTLE PHYSICAL HABIT THAT GIVES AWAY YOUR INSECURE MOMENTS?
Crossing my arms across my chest.

DO YOU KNOW ANYONE FAMOUS?
Yes.

WHAT DO YOU CARRY WITH YOU AT ALL TIMES?
cell phone, wallet, and most importantly, my chapstick

WHAT DO YOU MISS ABOUT BEING A KID?
The naievity, innocense, lack of responsibility, no real problems

WHAT WAS THE LAST SONG YOU WERE LISTENING TO?
Damien Rice's The Blower's Daughter

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN A PLAY?
Yes, school plays in elementary school. I was scared to death.

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN LOVE?
Yes.

DO YOU LIKE YOURSELF AND BELIEVE IN YOURSELF?
Yes.

DO TRANSIENT, HOMELESS, OR STARVING PEOPLE SOMETIMES ANNOY YOU?
Sometimes? I'm usually accosted multiple times a day.

WHICH MUSICAL INSTRUMENT DO YOU WISH YOU COULD PLAY?
Sax.

FAVORITE FABRIC?
WTF? Um... lycra?

WHAT'S ONE LANGUAGE YOU WANT TO LEARN?
If it were possible to just be given the ability to speak another language I'd pick Italian because I like the way it sounds. However, I doubt I'd ever put the effort into learning it myself.

WHAT DO YOU ORDER AT A BAR?
Diet coke or bottled water.

HAVE YOU EVER PIERCED YOUR BODY PARTS?
Upper right ear.

DO YOU HAVE TATTOOS?
Nope.

DO YOU DRIVE A STICK?
Yep.

FAVORITE TRAIT OF THE OPPOSITE SEX
Tits and ass.

MOST FRIVOLOUS PURCHASE?
I'm sure there are many, but nothing immediately comes to mind.

WHAT ARE YOU BEST AT COOKING?
Kraft Macaroni and Cheese

WOULD YOU EVER GO OUT DRESSSED LIKE THE OPPOSITE SEX?
Yes.

WHAT'S ONE CAR YOU WILL NEVER BUY.
Geo.

WHAT KIND OF BOOKS DO YOU LIKE TO READ?
Easy reads. Memoirs. Anne Rice. Bret Easton Ellis.

IF YOU WON THE LOTTERY, WHAT WOULD YOU DO?
Lots of things. I guess initially, call the bank. Quit my job. Celebrate. Buy things for myself and others. Make sure my parents had everything they needed. Invest.

DO YOU CRY IN FRONT OF YOUR FRIENDS?
No.

WHAT'S ONE THING YOU LIKE TO DO ALONE?
Masturbate.

ARE YOU A GIVER OR A TAKER?
I can be both depending on what sense of the words you're speaking of.

WHEN'S THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?
A little over a year ago, right before I went into treatment.

HOW MANY DRINKS BEFORE YOU'RE TIPSY/SLEEPY?
Depends on the size of the drink, how stiff they are, what they're made of, how many nights in a row I've been drinking, how much I've had to drink ... taking all of that into account, though, generally 10 - 12.

Posted by SparklesMpls at 07:36 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

February 10, 2005

*blushing*

Charlie over at Playing For the Wrong Team has named me one of the top five sexiest gay bloggers. My ego is exploding surprise to be listed next to GeekSlut! Honestly, this isn't normally my style, but it was a nice gestsure. Thanks, Charlie.

Posted by SparklesMpls at 07:54 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

February 06, 2005

Schitzo Saturday

Had a busy Saturday. Finally got my hair cut. I was about 4 weeks over-due. It was getting so long that for the past couple of days I decided to wear it 'down' and received numerous compliments on my 'new hair cut.'

Went to a friend's house for his surprise birthday party. Great friends, food and fun was had.

It was Jim's six year sobriety anniversary today, so 14 of us went over to Mission and had dinner. It was great food! Expensive, but good.

Here are a few samples of the food, caught on my camera phone.

The night ended with a movie at David's house - who's blog I just helped setup. He'll be found at www.soberjunkie.com in a day or two (or as soon as the domain has a chance to resolve).

Tomorrow I hope to sleep in and then get an early start on the work week.

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Sunday's happenings

Woke up around 11:00 today. Played around on the 'net and ended up updating my paypal profile when I came upon it's billpay feature - I love it. Now, I usually consider myself to be on the 'up and up' when it comes to the 'net, but I've always been hesitant to pay bills online - mostly because I don't want my bills to come out of my account until the last possible minute. I ended up setting up most of my bills in their system - I was really impressed to find that I could arrange payments for my cell phone, credit cards, mortgage, and even my car's lease payment! Now I can wait until the last day and just click a button to make the payment - which makes it much easier to sit down and pay bills when I know that I don't have to sit down for an hour, sort through all of the paperwork and just click buttons - and who doesn't love clicking buttons?

My buddy David's blog is up at www.soberjunkie.com - go check him out. He's a great guy, and my grand-sponsor in AA as well.

I went to Spy House and did coffee and crosswords around noon.

The afternoon was spent working. Then I went over to a buddy's house and had some faboo chicken curry that his boyfriend had made. I was late for dinner and my friend was upset. He said it was disrespectful. And honestly, I know it is. I get worked up when people are late, so I understood his frustration. I guess I have to work on that. We watched some of the 3rd season of Sex and the City. I've decided that I still think Steve, Miranda's boyfriend, was the most attractive guy on the show - he's so normal and cute!

From there I went to my Sunday night meeting where the guys had baked me a cake and surprised me for my one year sobriety anniversary - though they were a couple of days early ;-) It was so nice, though - it was truly pleasant, and the cake was chocolate - my favorite!

After the meeting I headed home and have been working since. About to hit the sack to get enough sleep for another busy week at work.

Posted by SparklesMpls at 08:01 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

February 02, 2005

Boats and toilets and decks, oh my

Been neglecting the blog lately with an obscene work schedule, hence the entry's title.

Spent a little while with the family this past weekend. The visit was short, but sweet.

Met with a friend who just got his second DUI. He doesn't think he's got a problem, as his drinking has never really affected his life - just that he made a poor judgment in driving. I can't say, don't really know, if he's in denial or doesn't have a problem. I just hope him the best.

Had a real scare with my property taxes. Got a note in the mail from the county saying that my property taxes weren't paid last year so they were going to put a lean on my condo - YIKES. I called the mortgage company and got everything straightened out. I owe penalties as well, but as it turns out, the mortgage company is responsible for those as well. Near heart attacks are good for your stamina, right?

Other tax news is that I received my last tax paper on the 31st of Jan and filed the same night. I'm getting a nice chunk of change back, but am putting the entire refund towards credit cards - which will bring me to about zero balance - what a nice feeling!

I got a call tonight from an unrecognized number. One aspect of the program is that you have to answer the phone. You never know when somebody might be in need, plus I've had a habit of dodging creditors in the past, so it's nice to be able to face them when I'm sober.

Anyhow, it was a buddy from AA who asked me to speak at an upcoming meeting. It'll be my first time telling my story. I'm not one to volunteer for speaking engagements, so I was just waiting to be asked. Well, it happened - damnit! I'm just telling myself that, "God doesn't put things in front of you that you cannot handle."

I'm just trying to wind down from a busy day at work at the moment and hope to spend some time with a buddy. Hope all is well in the blogosphere.

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January 22, 2005

Your's truly is now a print model

My first step towards international celebrity status is complete - I've been featured in my first print ad! And, if you can believe it - they printed me just as I was!

No wardrobe stylist. No hair stylist. No makeup artist. No airbrush specialist.

Just me.

Granted, my feature debut is a tad small ...

Posted by SparklesMpls at 01:38 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

About me

My name is Dan.

I am a 26 year old single gay guy. I live in Minneapolis, MN. I grew up in the 'burbs here, and have lived here nearly all of my life. The only exception being the six months I spent in LA when I was what I called "semi-retired," or sometimes "on vacation," or other times, "looking for work."

I checked myself into an alcohol and drug treatment center in Feb of 2004. Since then I have been an active member of AA and have been sober since. I'm grateful for my sobriety every day.

I've worked in advertising for over 5 years now. It's generally a fulfilling life, but I am still hoping to actually be 'semi-retired' by the time I'm 30. My life used to be defined by my work/job/career, but these days I've discovered other things that mean just as much to me, if not more.

I've been single for quite some time, and while I'm not actively seeking out a partner in life, I wouldn't be opposed if one came along. I'd rather spend my life with someone as opposed to without.

My parents are still married after 28 years of marriage. I have 5 sibblings, 6 neices and nephews, and a rather large extended family - most of whom are in Minnesota.

I very much value the friendships I've maintained over the years. I find it utterly amazing that other people can bring so much joy to someone's life and am grateful that I've been fortunate enough to have had a lot of joy brought to me. That didn't really make sense, but hopefully you got the gist of it.

I fill the virtual pages within this site for a few reasons. I began writing after my sponsor in AA suggested I begin journaling as a part of my recovery. Of course I wanted to do it 'my way,' so I put it online.

These days I write in an attempt to continue sharing my life with friends and perhaps find new friends. I write because it allows me to think things through. I write because I want to share my life with those who might be interested.

At times my posts will contain nothing but nonsense. Other times they'll include memories. Sometimes I'll be ranting. And sometimes I'll write about something I've just learned, or, if you're lucky, I'll share my daily epiphany.

And, I write for myself. I don't know how long I will continue blogging, but years from now I want to be able to look back at this site and read about what I was going through at different points in my life. I want to be able to recall the good times. I want to see how much I've (hopefully) grown.

Thanks for visiting. Feel free to stick around.

Dan

Posted by SparklesMpls at 01:38 AM | Comments (33) | TrackBack

Hibernation

I've done little today other than sleep and blog.

Posted by SparklesMpls at 01:36 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

January 10, 2005

I have changed insurance companies

I have changed insurance companies THREE TIMES in the last couple ofmmonths. Don't ask. During these months I have run out of what I like to call my "happy pills." on a number of occasions for up to a week at a time. They cost $400 per prescription, and I once had to pay for them out of my own pocket. Each time I run out, I have about 36 hours before I start to go a little loopy.

Well, ladies, today I hit the 36 hour mark and I am whacked! I just went over to Walgreens and got my prescription filled, but I don't remember much of the walk.

Let's hope they kick in soon!

Posted by SparklesMpls at 01:42 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

December 30, 2004

I've finally grown up

I was eight years old before I stopped wetting the bed. It was a source of embarrassment for me and prevented any early-childhood sleepovers with friends. Because of this, along with other late-bloomer attributes I posses, I've always felt a little behind the other kids. But now I've really done it. I really did it. I can now be referred to as an adult.

I removed 101.3 KDWB from my car's presets. This is the KOOL-like station that plays all the
rap and hip-hop that all the kids seem to be listening to these days.

For it's replacement, I've added in 91.1 - Minnesota Public Radio.

I just got sick of always scanning through the channels to get to it, even though it's what I listen to half of the time I spend in the car.

Posted by SparklesMpls at 08:59 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

December 19, 2004

Brrr

Woke up this morning, looked out my bathroom window and saw all of the chimneys in the Wedge neighborhood going crazy. Winter is here.

Was at Target earlier and they were completely sold out of Damien Rice's CD. I've been meaning to get it for a long time, but it seems so infrequent that I actually find myself in a store and remember to pick it up. Thank you, Amazon.

Going to a friend's house this afternoon for a nice holiday dinner. These are the folks that have made my sobriety really enjoyable. They make me feel real, so I'm looking forward to it.

In other news, my roommate has dug out the battery-powered sweater defuzzer that my mother gave me as a stocking-stuffer years ago. It's his favorite new toy. He can defuzz sweaters for hours and hours at a time!

Posted by SparklesMpls at 09:17 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

December 15, 2004

All time low

Okay, so maybe not an all-time low, but I sure haven't seen it this low in a couple of years. I filled up tonight for $1.75 a gallon - and that was for premium. Regular was running $1.59.

Took the too-large (32") TV back tonight and exchanged it for a more amicable 27" - it fits much better in the space. Bigger isn't always better.

Got through my sickness and depression that seemed to come with it, though it was about 10 degrees all day today and my throat seems to be feeling it. I've got my humidifier cranked on high tonight.

Did a lot of AA service work this weekend. It feels really great to be able to lend a hand. It almost seems automatic - I don't have to make myself do it, it just seems to come naturally, but after looking back at the weekend I really feel good about myself. It's only 11 days 'til Christmas and I haven't even started shopping. Sometimes I can be the world's worst procrastinator.

Posted by SparklesMpls at 09:21 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

December 02, 2004

It's snowing

Ok, well sort of. You can't really tell from my high quality picture phone snapshot ;-)