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September 27, 2005
Financed Blowjob
It was the Wednesday night before the Thanksgiving holiday. I didn't have to work the following day and wouldn't have to be at my parents' house until the late afternoon, so of course I was at the bar.
A year prior, on this very same night, I had been visiting another fine establishment on Hennepin Ave, where I met an officer of the Minneapolis police department. He continued to purchase drinks for me as fast as I could finish them. We stood at the bar - me telling tall tales and staring in envy at the bartender, while he politely listened. When the bar closed at 1:00 AM, I promptly totalled my car within 30 seconds of getting into it. It was fun explaining that one to my family at the Thanksgiving dinner table.
But I digress.
I find myself at the bar again. Really, where else would I be? I didn't want to miss out on all the fun sure to be happening. Afterall, the holidays always bring fresh meat to the bar. Guys who don't have families to visit with around the holidays, guys who are in town visiting for the holidays, students out on the town without school - this was a night I wouldn't miss.
After all the drinking, the dancing, the drinking, the smoking, the drinking, the gossiping, the drinking, I found myself among few patrons at the end of the night. A cute guy in his mid-twenties wearing a baseball cap passed me on his way to the bar. I, having enough liquid courage built up, approached him.
"Hi, I'm Dan."
"Hey, I'm Joel."
"What are you up to tonight?"
"I'm in town from D.C. visiting my aunt for the holiday."
"Wanna go back to my place?"
"Sure."
My roommate was out of town visiting his family for the holiday, so I had the place to myself. I instructed my visitor to park in a designated guest spot and we headed to the sign-in sheet.
"What's your license plate number?"
"I dunno - it's my Aunt's car."
"Aww, fuckit - they won't tow you."
We proceeded inside and to the elevator. By the time we reached my floor we were already in each other's pants. Drunk, but still able to unlock the door, we entered my place and down the hall to my bedroom. Clothes came off, groping, kissing, moaning - you know the drill. He started to suck me off. After a couple minutes I felt myself beginning to lose my hard-on and the room was spinning. Embarrassed, I pushed him away.
He tried to force my face down on him to reciprocate. Too dizzy and feeling some nausea coming on, I refused and passed out shortly after.
In the morning I woke up alone. The fog took a few moments to clear before I remembered what had transpired. I rolled over and looked at the clock. Noon. Then I heard him in the kitchen pouring himself a glass of water. Fuck. Why can't you just leave?
I rolled back over and heard other strange noises as I fell back asleep.
I woke again an hour later. I stayed in bed for as long as I could - roughly five minutes of silence before my bladder couldn't hold off any longer. I crossed my fingers that he'd left by this time and darted for the bathroom. Ahhh, finally the release I was looking for.
I walked out to the kitchen, poured myself a glass of water and then made my way around the corner into the living room.
I noticed it immediately. My brand new $2,200 Dell Laptop was gone. There were three laptops setup and he took the most expensive one. I had just purchased it a month prior. Actually, purchased isn't quite the right word. I charged it on a new credit card a month prior. I hadn't even made the first payment.
MOTHER FUCKER
I ran to my bedroom, threw on some clothes and ran out the door. Pacing back and forth waiting for the elevator. Reaching the lobby I turned the corner into view of the guest spot his car had occupied. No sight of him.
We hadn't filled out the guest parking registry. I had heard him that morning and just rolled over. I should have reciprocated the blowjob.
I went back upstairs, laid in my bed and looked around. Boxes still not unpacked from moving in more than a year prior. Clothes strewn all over the place. I was a wreck. And it was going to take me a few years of minimum payments to pay off that blowjob.
Posted by SparklesMpls at 09:25 PM | Comments (20) | TrackBack
September 26, 2005
Monday sunshine
I took the day off of work - something I haven't been able to do in a very long time. And what am I doing on my day off? Well, Coffee and Crosswords, of course - at my favorite coffee shop, Spyhouse.
After a weekend of cold rain and long naps, today's looking beautiful. High of 70 and all sunshine. My kind of weather.
The patio doors are wide open here at the coffee shop and little birds keep coming in and trying to fly out through closed windows, smacking their heads on the glass. They never learn.
So I'm being mindless today, because I can. Trying to become one with myself - all of my selves.
Quick recap of the weekend:
Saw Hellbent at the Uptown Theater with Jim. Funny flick - especially loved the eyeball scene towards the end. Had to walk back to Jim's place afterwards in the pooring rain. Thank Gawd he only lives three blocks from there.
Yesterday I was at, you guessed it, Spyhouse, and ran into Tom and Gregg. Tom did a cartwheel on the wet ground outside, but only if I promised to mention him in my blog so that his further the spread of his fame. Tom, start your own gawd-damned blog already - you'll become famous much quicker that way.
I'm off to St. Paul - Land of Lesbians, for lunch with Jim, who recently purchased a car! I'm excited for him, but at the same time, a little sad, because I won't have the opportunity to get over there much any more if he's got his own wheels. Oh well, I'm sure the lesbians can do without me.
Posted by SparklesMpls at 10:41 AM | Comments (7) | TrackBack
September 24, 2005
Mo Kin
This past week has been rough. Some very long hours and two (separate) clients in Thursday & Friday have left me pretty much exhausted. Without fail, whenever I'm feeling overwhelmed, something funny comes my way, as if to say, "stop your whining and laugh a little." Well this one certainly did. Thank you, Jordan.
Experience for yourself, the true xylophone genius of 3 year old Mo Kin of Japan:
Posted by SparklesMpls at 09:07 AM | Comments (5) | TrackBack
Who knew?
Who knew that ad concepting would one day be this easy? With the time savings, big marketters will be able to put even more money into their media buy!
Posted by SparklesMpls at 08:47 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
September 17, 2005
Bobby & Whitney
I love that shows like Being Bobby Brown are on the air. It shows how ridiculous it is that society worships celbrities.
UPDATE:
I just couldn't take looking at these two anymore. My blog is setup as my browser's homepage and everytime I'd open up a new window I'd see those two dancing. If you want to see them, you still can.
Posted by SparklesMpls at 09:33 PM | Comments (13) | TrackBack
Valentine's Day Eve, part six
... continued from Valentine's Day Eve, part five.
Entering the group room at the top of the stairs, I sought out the affirmations example sheet and picked a seat as far away from the queen as possible. Assuming affirmations were done in the same clock-wise order as last night's, I would just about be the last person to recite my "feel good" statements.
The king and queen entered, donned their crowns, and the group gathered in the center of the room for the serenity prayer. Something I hadn't noticed the prior evening - during the serenity prayer, everyone propped their left foot up on top of the coffee table. I asked about it later and was told it was to symbolize that nobody can stay sober on their own - it takes the help of others to do it.
The king began reading his script and shortly there after the affirmations begun. As the procession made it's way around the room towards me, I had more of my wits about me than last night and noticed that everyone began with, "My name is so-and-so, and I'm an alcoholic." The group would then respond, "Hello, so-and-so."
Fuck.
I figured I was an alcoholic by my prior reasoning - couldn't stop drinking, couldn't have just one drink, drank more often than not, drinking was causing problems in other (all) areas of my life, etc. But now I had to say it to the entire group? I was nervous.
It came to me. Deep breath. Here we go.
"Hi. My name's Dan, and I'm an alcoholic."
"Hi, Dan," the group mirrored.
I then recited the same affirmations I had picked the night prior - "I am loved." "I am living in the here and now." "I am living on God's time." And, of course, finishing it up with, "And I am somebody."
No sweat.
Next up: goals. Everyone was to announce a goal they were going to try to accomplish that day. I began throwing ideas around in my head. Okay, so there weren't any ideas. The only thing that popped into consciousness was how to stay sober, so that's what I said. "My goal for the day is to find out how to stay sober."
I thought it would be well received. Even if it was an obvious goal, considering the environment, I thought the others may think better of me. It was a noble goal.
Somebody snickered. Other's made eyes at each other, avoiding mine. Apparently my goal wasn't a good choice.
Affirmations finished up with the serenity prayer again and we all headed downstairs for a short break of free time.
Next on the schedule was group. This session concentrated on DBT - Dialectic Behavoiral Therapy. Whatever the fuck that meant. I decided I was going to keep my mouth shut after the odd response I got from the group after announcing my goal.
A counselor named Andrea lead the group. I wasn't sure if she was also a lesbian, but if she was, she'd definately be categorized in the Lipstick variety. She began talking about various scenarios in which you might find yourself angry, bothered, or otherwise negatively occupied in your head. "You need to get outside of your head in these situations," she explained.
She had a plastic bag with her and began walking around the room - giving everyone a Warhead - those red balls that were really hot when you put them in your mouth.
"Now," she said, "if you find yourself stuck in your head, suck on a piece of sour candy, or in this case, a Warhead." She unwrapped her Warhead and popped it in her mouth, making contorted, uncomfortable looking facial expressions.
The group laughed in response and a few moments later, she had sucked off enough of the hot candy-coating to speak again. "I guarantee you it will break your concentration, but sometime's that's all you need to get out of your head - a break in your concentration long enough for you to realize where you're stewing - in the anger, craziness, or whatever it is that you're experiencing."
Next she instructed us all to pop our own Warheads, which the group gladly did. You would have thought she had poured us all rasberry kamakazie shots with the speed in which everyone ripped open their candy.
It was amusing to watch everyone in the room contorting and making strange noises as if we were all possessed by demons like portrayed in The Exorcism of Emily Rose. But I wondered - really, how are hot candies supposed to keep me sober?
Smoke breaks in the subzero, my mind wandering, Anne Rice's The Witching Hour, and suddenly lunch was upon us. Another visit to Christine in the cafateria seemed like a visit from somebody on the outside. She was always so chipper - the opposite of the downtrodden conversations that took place during affirmations in the morning session.
The afternoon included some more free time. I found myself somewhat bored. Still too nervous to introduce myself to the others, I holed myself up in my room again. I had been given a folder of various handouts, readings, worksheets, and a blue book. It was titled "Alcoholics Anonymous."
I wasn't bored enough to crack it open just yet. Instead I began reading through the various handouts that seemed as if they'd been xeroxed and xeroxed over again some 10 or 12 odd times - aligned on the paper crooked and the type blurring so badly it was hard to make out the font any longer.
Another group was on the schedule too soon for my liking. Crimeny - how many of these things do we have to go to every day?
This one was Cognitive Therapy, and it was most definately lead by a lesbian. Of course she was nice enough, but either the topic didn't interest me, or the pattern of her flannel shirt hypnotized me right to sleep.
To be continued ...
Posted by SparklesMpls at 01:20 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
Hello, Tina
My friend Johnny was just published in the latest issue of Lavender. Full story reprinted here:
Hello, Tina
By Johnny Hess, LADC
It is time for the GLBT community to recognize a nemesis, one that has been gaining momentum in our community and wrecking havoc for too long.
Tina is the most common slang name we have given, seemingly lovingly, to the drug methamphetamine. Also known as ice, glass, crystal, crank, meth, and many others, methamphetamine has begun taking a toll that quite seriously can be considered an epidemic.
The truth of the matter is that whether it is an epidemic or not, we need to begin looking at it as such, and taking action against it before it gets any worse. We need to begin calling it what it is: methamphetamine, a neurotoxic substance.
The number of treatment admissions for GLBT people suffering from addiction to methamphetamine has continued to increase dramatically over the past two years.
Along with this alarming new number of people addicted to the drug comes nearly as many who have become addicted to sex, or who exhibit serious problems with sexual compulsivity.
Along with those new admissions comes a frightening rise in HIV transmission rates—and the age range of GLBT addicts continues to decrease.
That means a whole new wave of young people are being diagnosed with HIV while still in their early 20s.
Reports have indicated that within our community, as many as 50 percent of all new HIV transmissions are related to the use of methamphetamine.
So, what is it about methamphetamine that makes it a drug tailored to attack our community?
Addicts and casual users (a short-lived title) alike will tell you that methamphetamine makes a person feel like Superman.
It is faster acting and longer lasting than just about anything that is available to drug users.
It is a stimulant that has such a profound and powerful effect on brain chemistry that one-time users are at risk of permanently altering their brain’s ability to function normally.
In a nutshell, imagine having the best day of your life—whether it be winning the lottery, gaining a job promotion and a huge raise, or falling in love with the person of your dreams.
That feeling—of being high on life without the use of drugs or alcohol—occurs because of the brain’s production and release of dopamine, a neurotransmitter associated with feelings of pleasure and well-being.
On your best day, the brain produces a little more dopamine than normal, allowing you to feel wonderful. When methamphetamine is ingested, particularly intravenously, your brain can release up to 600 times that amount of dopamine.
Suddenly, your best day becomes a thrill that you cannot possibly have an imagination for unless you have experienced it.
And who wouldn’t want to experience that? Again and again.
Users in our community who are filled with shame and internalized homophobia suddenly become socialites wanting to meet other guys, and maybe have sex.
Users who are comfortable with their sexuality become porn stars unable to satiate their desire for sexual experiences that run the gamut of their former fantasies.
With that comes a mentality that completely disregards the need for safe sex.
Any user will tell you that under the influence of methamphetamine, he has had at least one unsafe sexual encounter, and regular users will tell you that safe sex is generally out the window.
This is not jargon. These are not generalizations. This is the truth about this drug—and the truth is terrifying.
In terms of damage to the brain, imagine a regular garden hose attached to your house. Imagine turning it on full blast. Imagine that being an example of dopamine naturally released into your brain to cause you a feeling of well-being.
Now, imagine forcing 600 times that amount of water through the hose. The house and the hose are not designed for it. Neither is your body or your brain.
Although the feeling of euphoria results from ingestion, the brain is damaged to the extent that it often takes chronic users years to regain a natural level of dopamine production within their brains.
Unfortunately, some users never regain their full dopamine capacity. They are plagued by depression and a consistent devastating feeling of impending doom.
In an effort to educate mental health professionals and the public alike on the devastating effects of this drug, a Methamphetamine Forum will be presented on September 21.
This forum is a collaborative effort by professionals who work on the front lines of this epidemic, including the Red Door Clinic, HIM Program, Minnesota Aids Project, Pride Institute, The Aliveness Project, Alternatives, Pillsbury United Services, Minneapolis Urban League, Minnesota Department of Health, City of Minneapolis, Abbott Northwestern Hospital, and Man To Man Seminar.
Please come to this event to educate yourself on this situation. This is a call to action. Our borders have been crossed, and we are in jeopardy.
Meth, Sex, and Men: A Community Forum
Sept. 21, 7 PM
Walker Art Center
1750 Hennepin Ave., Mpls.
(612) 373-9165
www.himprogram.org
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September 16, 2005
"They deserved to die"
For those of you reading from out of the area, there's a trial going on in Wisconsin right now regarding the murder of 6 hunters. They were (allegedly) shot by a sole hunter - a guy named Vang. Vang claims he was harassed by these men and that they called him racist names. It's sad to hear that. But it's even sadder is to think that this guy feels justified about killing them in retaliation. It's unnerving to see how sick the world can be at times.
The photo taken from the Startribune, who writes:
Chai Soua Vang, 36, of St. Paul, showed how he pointed his rifle as he testified Thursday at his murder trial in Hayward, Wis. Vang said three of the six hunters he is accused of murdering deserved to die after a tiff over trespassing escalated into an ugly confrontation.
Read the complete Startribune story on their website.
Posted by SparklesMpls at 09:52 AM | Comments (3) | TrackBack
September 15, 2005
Russian Disco Dancing
This may just be the funniest 3 minutes and 46 seconds I've ever experienced of Russian Disco Dancing, ever.
Right-click and select "Save Target As" if you'd like to download it.
DISCLAIMER: This is a 10mb Windows Media File for those of you on a dialup.
Posted by SparklesMpls at 06:30 PM | Comments (6) | TrackBack
September 14, 2005
Google Blog Search
Okay, so this is way cool. Search results come only from self-publishers / bloggers. God love Google!
Posted by SparklesMpls at 09:24 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
September 12, 2005
Beautiful, yet scary
As I was writing this entry a storm blew into Spy House. Maybe I should add 'Ironic' to the title, too?
Posted by SparklesMpls at 10:27 PM | Comments (11) | TrackBack
Skype / VOIP / Internet telephone
Back in the day when I tried some of the original internet telephone services with my 56k (if you were lucky) dialup, internet telephones (software phones) were pretty much unusable. I never tried again until recently.
I admit it - I'm a total techno geek. But when it comes to internet telephones, I've been a relative latecomer. I signed up for Vonage about six months ago and have loved it ever since. I don't use my home telephone all that much, so the 500 minute, $14.99 plan is more than sufficient for me. But lordy - for $14.99 I'm getting much better service than I was getting with QWest or Sprint local service for $50 a month - and that didn't include long distance, voicemail or any of that other jazz!
Just recently I signed up with Google Talk - it's basically another instant messaging service, with a nice and clean Google interface, but also includes VOIP (voice over internet protocol) service so you can actually use your computer as a telephone. Plug a microphone and speakers in (or if you've got a laptop, you likely already have both of these things built in), and wam-bam-thank-you-mam, you've got a speakerphone! I love it. Now I just need to get more of my friends signed up so that I can use it more regularly.
I've also just signed up for a Skype account. Skype has been on top of the internet telephone game for a couple of years ago and it's just been announced that eBay is purchasing them. It was just a couple of years ago that eBay bought PayPal - a competitor to its own proprietary money-echange service. That purchase made sense, but the telephone buyout is a little bit of a mystery to me. Sure, it'll likely be a moneymaker, but eBay is into selling merchandise???
I hope this stuff continues to be free. I don't mind seeing advertising here and there if it's not intrusive, just don't start charging!
Do any of you use these services? What have your experiences been? Any recommendations?
Posted by SparklesMpls at 01:51 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack
Census information
Okay, so this is probably one of the coolest things I've seen done with the Google Maps API! Check out your neighborhood and find out how much money your neighbors are making ;-)
Posted by SparklesMpls at 01:48 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
September 08, 2005
And this from the Matriarch
Thanks to Jered, my newly New Yorkan friend, for pointing this out to me. Barbara Bush was quoted as saying the following (sourced from Boing Boing):
This is working very well for them. (...)Almost everyone I've talked to says we're going to move to Houston.
"What I'm hearing which is sort of scary is they all want to stay in Texas. Everyone is so overwhelmed by the hospitality.
"And so many of the people in the arena here, you know, were underprivileged anyway, so this--this (she chuckles slightly) is working very well for them."
This speaks for itself - no commentary necessary.
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September 05, 2005
Your new matches!
I always get a kick out of my daily (weekdays only) email from Match.com showing me my newest matches. On occasion friends will show up on there. I've been matched up with Mighty before and now Aaron, too! How fun :-)
So here's to Aaron:
Posted by SparklesMpls at 01:13 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack
September 04, 2005
Melancholy and the Infinite Sadness
It's been raining in Minneapolis for the last day and a half. Marvelous thunderstorms accompanied by alternating winds and still air.
<-- broken record sound: interuption ensues -->
God damned that Details magazine! Here I'm sitting at Spyhouse, ready to write a very poinant post, when one of those gawd-damned metrosexuals sits down in front of me. With his girlfriend. That's just not fair. Why do they tease us so?
I'm jealous of traditional faghags who end up with boyfriends, who then dress their boyfriends up to be just like their gay guy friends, and order them a subscription to Details. It drives me wild! I mean seriously. Can't these guys just wear their usual Levis and Abercrombie tops so we can, at the very least, tell them apart?
<-- ... okay, back to my no longer very poinant post -->
After waking up to some extreme thunder and emergency response vehicles responding to an accident in the Lowry Tunnel this morning, I made my way down to Spyhouse. Surprisingly Tom and Gregg were here, enjoying some coffee before heading off to the Unitarian Church they've been visiting on a few of the past several Sunday mornings.
I spoke with them for a while about the church. They said they really like it. The altar is made of rocks, and the congregation is made up of a bunch of hippies from the 60s who stopped doing drugs, but wanted to continue their spiritual experience. Maybe I'll give it a shot some Sunday.
I tried our local chapter of MCC a couple of times, and the sermons were okay, but there's just something unholy about walking into a church and hearing the choir rehersing It's Raining Men that I just can't quite get past.
I spent yesterday on the couch for five hours, napping, waking up to the thunder, falling back asleep, watching bad movies on Lifetime, falling back asleep again, and so on.
Finally around 5:00 PM I forced myself to go to the gym. Then came home, dressed and went to the Saturday night meeting I really enjoy but haven't been to in quite some time. It's called Saturday Night Live, and it's held at the school directly behind the Basilica of St. Mary. It's a speaker meeting, so there isn't a whole lot of one-on-one interaction, but there's just so much positive energy in that room I feel as if I'm recharged when I go.
The five minute speaker who started us off was a funny guy. I think there was some mental illness there, but I couldn't tell if it was that or if he just had a really dry sense of humor. He kept talking about how the Lord Baby Jesus saved him, and as I looked around I could tell that I wasn't alone - nobody else could tell if he was trying to be funny or serious, either. Oh, that and when the trusted servant asked if there was anyone visiting from out of town, he stood up and said he was visiting from St. Paul. Which is funny, because technically it is out of Minneapolis, but really, it's only five minutes away and not really considered "out of town."
The main speaker was really inspirational. 4 years or so sober, she was in her mid-to-late twenties. After having a child at a young age and abononing him, she's come to make a normal life for herself in recovery and continuing to re-nuture her relationship with her son again. AA stories always get emotional when the alcoholic has children and they talk about the guilt they feel about how they weren't around, how they abused / neglected them, etc. It's amazing that the power of alochol and/or drugs can be stronger than the bond between mother and child.
The sun is out now, so I'm going to hit the gym and then off to see my parents - hopefully my Dad will grill steaks!
Posted by SparklesMpls at 01:16 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack
September 02, 2005
Where did Dan go?
So work has been a little nuts lately. People have left, which leaves those remaining picking up some slack, which leaves scarce lunches, very little socializing, and generally a hectic workplace. I recently moved out of my old cube into an office a few floors up. Good news - the office offers a little more privacy and makes me feel somewhat valued. Bad news is that I miss my old working buddies. There was a gang of us within shoutting distance above the half-height walls. We'd go to lunch together. Gossip. Tell dirty (really dirty) jokes. And, of course, scream and cry when things didn't go our way.
My new place is on the 5th floor. Between accounting and HR.
No longer can I tell dirty, inappropriate, sexist, and downright insulting jokes.
No longer can I scream and cry, for fear the CPAs down the hall lose their concentration and miscalculate what I'm sure is to be, a very large bonus for me this year.
I was downstairs visiting my buddies the other day and had to do a doubletake over at my old workspace. I've documented what I found here. I thought it was cute. They miss me!
Posted by SparklesMpls at 10:43 PM | Comments (7) | TrackBack
