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February 26, 2005

One of those 'get to know me' things

Just relaxing on a Saturday afternoon. Saw this questionaire over at Rotten Ryan and figured I'd give it a go.

First Name:
Dan

Were you named after anyone?
Don't think so.

Do you wish on stars?
no

When did you last cry?
A little more than a year ago, right before I went into treatment.

Do you like your handwriting?
Yes

What is your favorite lunchmeat?
Ham

What is your most embarrassing CD?
Snow

Have you ever told a secret you swore not to tell?
Yes

Do looks matter?
Yes, sadly, they do.

How do you release anger?
Drive fast, get grumpy, go for walks, eat.

Where is your second home?
Work

Do you trust others easily?
sometimes

What was your favorite toy as a child?
He-Man and G.I.Joe action figures, Legos, my Dukes of Hazard "General Lee" pedal car, bicycle

Do you use sarcasm a lot?
yes

Favorite movie(s)?

Eyes Wide Shut, Laurel Canyon
American Psycho
Secretary
Drop Dead Gorgeous
Rules of Attraction

What are your nicknames?
Sparkles

Would you bungee jump?
no

Do you untie your shoes when you take them off?
no

Do you think that you are strong?
yes

What is your favorite ice cream flavor?
vanilla - I know, I'm plain and boring

What are your favorite colors?
blue

What are you listening to right now?
Some neo-indie guy playing at a coffee shop. Sounds somewhat like Ben Folds Five

Last thing you ate?
a cranberry and white chocolate scone

If you were a crayon, what color would you be?
what the fuck kind of question is this?

What is the weather like right now?
Sunny ... and 27

Last person you talked to on the phone?
Sister Hoffner

Do you like the person who sent this to you?
Nobody sent it to me, I stole it from Ryan. Don't really know him, but he seems cool.

How are You Today?
Overwhelmed, which explains why I'm wasting time filling out this questionaire

Favorite Drink?
Coffee ... err, vodka-redbull, vodka-tonic, long beach

Favorite Sport?
wrestling

Hair Color?
brown

Eye Color?
hazel

Do you wear contacts?
no, but I probably should.

Favorite Food?
steak with bernaise sauce

Last Movie You Watched?
American Warewolf in London ... gimme a break, it was on the television while I was working late last night.

Favorite Day Of The Year?
Feb 9

Scary Movies Or Happy Endings?
Depends on the mood. Generally scary movies, tho.

Hugs Or Kisses?
neither

What Is Your Favorite Dessert?
chocolate cake

Living Arrangements?
Own a condo with a roommate.

What Book(s) Are You Reading?
Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions

What is on Your Mouse Pad?
n/a

What Did You Watch Last night on TV?
See above under "Last movie you watched"

Favorite Smells?
Gucci Envy
Grandma's cooking
Fresh flowers
New car

Rolling Stones or Beatles?
Beatles, I guess, but both are really before my time.

Do you believe in Evolution or Creationism?
Evolution

Posted by SparklesMpls at 07:43 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Spam filters being used in the fight against AIDS

This is an interesting article from the Seattle Post; I've reprinted it below.

Spam filters may lead scientists to AIDS vaccine
Scientists hope method will find patterns in variations of HIV

By TOM PAULSON
SEATTLE POST-INTELLIGENCER REPORTER

Software scientists at Microsoft Research have teamed up with biomedical researchers in Seattle, Boston and Perth, Australia, to see if computer techniques used to defeat e-mail spam can also be used to help design a vaccine that can defeat AIDS.

Today, members of this unique collaboration will announce a plan to use "machine learning" or "data mining" computational techniques to decipher HIV's wildly creative genetic ability to constantly change and disguise itself from immune system detection and deletion.

"HIV mutates like crazy, but it does show a pattern," said Dr. David Heckerman, a physician and computer scientist at Microsoft Research.

"It isn't completely random," added Heckerman's colleague Nebojsa Jojic. Just as a spammer can add only so much nonsense or other disguising characters without obscuring the message, Jojic said, so can the AIDS virus vary only so much without disabling itself.

The two plan to announce the innovative approach to seeking an AIDS vaccine today in Boston at the 12th annual Conference on Retroviruses and Opportunistic Infections, perhaps the most prestigious AIDS research meeting in the world.

"The genetic variability of this virus is a major problem in finding a vaccine," said Dr. James Mullins, a University of Washington microbiologist and AIDS researcher working with the Microsoft scientists.

There are millions of different variations of HIV, Mullins said, and the standard approach to vaccine development typically requires extensive testing of experimental vaccines against specific strains or select groupings of similar strains.

"It's just not that manageable," he said.

The basic idea behind "machine learning" -- a form of artificial intelligence -- is to make this search more manageable by letting a computer sort through and analyze all the information and variations to look for revealing, repeat genetic patterns in HIV.

Just as a computer's spam filter "learns" to recognize new variations from the same spammer, it is hoped a computer can learn to decipher some fundamental repeat patterns about HIV's genetic variability and narrow the search for vaccine targets.

"HIV mutates by making errors in its (genetic) copying," Jojic said. But it can make only so many errors, he said, if it hopes to retain the genetic equivalent of the spammer's intended e-mail.

If these techniques can identify genetic sequences retained by HIV despite its many disguises, the researchers believe this could identify critical parts of the viral DNA to target in developing a vaccine.

Heckerman, who was trained as a physicist before veering off into medicine to study the brain before being diverted again into the artificial intelligence field, sees this partnership as a logical extension of his interests. He pioneered e-mail spam filtering in the late 1990s and contends Microsoft is holding its own against spam.

Unlike spammers, he noted, the AIDS virus likely won't try to further alter itself in some more perverse way in response to being scrutinized.

Mullins said he learned of Heckerman and Jojic's work from a post-doctoral student a few years ago and sought them out.

He said he had earlier used another kind of computational analysis studying HIV's earliest genetics to identify common patterns that might be good vaccine targets. He made and tested in rabbits an experimental vaccine developed by that method, but said, "The results were not that great."

This new effort is unique and orders of magnitude more powerful, the team said. Using a series of computerized problem-solving techniques they call "epitomes," they plan to comb through millions of genetic sequences looking for patterns that "epitomize" the fundamental nature of HIV.

Microsoft Research has been using this technique to reduce or compress video and audio information down to its essential information.

For an AIDS vaccine, the team hopes to find the smallest essential quantity of genetic information needed to fight off different strains of the deadly virus. They said they have already started testing experimental vaccines in the laboratory, exposing them to blood samples taken from HIV-infected people.

If the approach is successful, the scientists said they may expand into other areas such as the development of treatment for hepatitis C infection and other highly mutating viruses.

AIDS kills more then 8,000 people every day and has claimed more than 30 million lives since it was first identified. Nearly 40 million people are infected worldwide, and nearly 5 million more are infected each year.

Posted by SparklesMpls at 07:40 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Another one of those 'get to know me' things

Call me narcisistic - I've done two of these in twelve hours!

WHAT IS THE GEEKIEST PART OF YOUR BOOK COLLECTION?
My StarTrek TNG collection - I'm a totally trekkie.

WHAT DID YOU DO ON VALENTINE'S DAY?
Jim came over with some Lunds lasagna and a few gay flicks he got off of netflicks. They turned out to be pornos-with-mini-plots and were completely awful, so we rented an action flick on VOD.

WHAT DID YOU GET ON VALENTINE'S DAY?
Some lasagna

WHAT IS YOUR SECRET GUARNATEED WEEPING MOVIE?
Steel Magnolias

IF YOU COULD HAVE PLASTIC SURGERY, WHAT WOULD YOU HAVE DONE?
Pectorial implants?

DO YOU HAVE A COMPLETELY IRRATIONAL FEAR?
ummm.... spiders and snakes totally freak me out, but I don't consider that irrational.

WHAT IS THE LITTLE PHYSICAL HABIT THAT GIVES AWAY YOUR INSECURE MOMENTS?
Crossing my arms across my chest.

DO YOU KNOW ANYONE FAMOUS?
Yes.

WHAT DO YOU CARRY WITH YOU AT ALL TIMES?
cell phone, wallet, and most importantly, my chapstick

WHAT DO YOU MISS ABOUT BEING A KID?
The naievity, innocense, lack of responsibility, no real problems

WHAT WAS THE LAST SONG YOU WERE LISTENING TO?
Damien Rice's The Blower's Daughter

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN A PLAY?
Yes, school plays in elementary school. I was scared to death.

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN LOVE?
Yes.

DO YOU LIKE YOURSELF AND BELIEVE IN YOURSELF?
Yes.

DO TRANSIENT, HOMELESS, OR STARVING PEOPLE SOMETIMES ANNOY YOU?
Sometimes? I'm usually accosted multiple times a day.

WHICH MUSICAL INSTRUMENT DO YOU WISH YOU COULD PLAY?
Sax.

FAVORITE FABRIC?
WTF? Um... lycra?

WHAT'S ONE LANGUAGE YOU WANT TO LEARN?
If it were possible to just be given the ability to speak another language I'd pick Italian because I like the way it sounds. However, I doubt I'd ever put the effort into learning it myself.

WHAT DO YOU ORDER AT A BAR?
Diet coke or bottled water.

HAVE YOU EVER PIERCED YOUR BODY PARTS?
Upper right ear.

DO YOU HAVE TATTOOS?
Nope.

DO YOU DRIVE A STICK?
Yep.

FAVORITE TRAIT OF THE OPPOSITE SEX
Tits and ass.

MOST FRIVOLOUS PURCHASE?
I'm sure there are many, but nothing immediately comes to mind.

WHAT ARE YOU BEST AT COOKING?
Kraft Macaroni and Cheese

WOULD YOU EVER GO OUT DRESSSED LIKE THE OPPOSITE SEX?
Yes.

WHAT'S ONE CAR YOU WILL NEVER BUY.
Geo.

WHAT KIND OF BOOKS DO YOU LIKE TO READ?
Easy reads. Memoirs. Anne Rice. Bret Easton Ellis.

IF YOU WON THE LOTTERY, WHAT WOULD YOU DO?
Lots of things. I guess initially, call the bank. Quit my job. Celebrate. Buy things for myself and others. Make sure my parents had everything they needed. Invest.

DO YOU CRY IN FRONT OF YOUR FRIENDS?
No.

WHAT'S ONE THING YOU LIKE TO DO ALONE?
Masturbate.

ARE YOU A GIVER OR A TAKER?
I can be both depending on what sense of the words you're speaking of.

WHEN'S THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?
A little over a year ago, right before I went into treatment.

HOW MANY DRINKS BEFORE YOU'RE TIPSY/SLEEPY?
Depends on the size of the drink, how stiff they are, what they're made of, how many nights in a row I've been drinking, how much I've had to drink ... taking all of that into account, though, generally 10 - 12.

Posted by SparklesMpls at 07:36 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

February 23, 2005

Valentine's Day Eve, part deux

... continued from Valentine's Day Eve.

I was greeted by two women at the door. Literally at the door - they were outside smoking cigarettes. One older than the other, but both approaching middle age. The older had grey hair in a buzz cut and was wearing tight jeans, a flannel shirt, and a denim jacket, circa 1988 - obviously a butch Lebanese. The younger had bleached blonde hair with 2 inch long roots exposed at a part down the middle, bags under her eyes, and thin as a rail - she wore a black NASCAR jacket that hung off of her frame. Didn't know what to think of her.

"You must be Dan," said the Lebanese, as I began to walk by her towards the door.

These two were the staff.

They brought me inside and sat me in a small examining room. I got a glimpse of the place prior to being locked in the back. Dismal. Dismal at best. They had fake plants. For God's sake - fake plants! And this was a gay treatment center? Who was in charge of the decorations around here?

Turns out Lebanese was the tech. Roots was the nurse. Lebanese began the intake procedure by filling out some paperwork and Roots finished it up by taking my vitals and administering a test for TB.

I was told I didn't have to attend any groups for 72 hours if I didn't wish to participate. Sort of an 'ease into things' take on treatment, I thought. But what good was it going to do me to sit around? I wanted to get better quick.

I was informed that the rest of the inpatients were upstairs in the group room for a patient's graduation. Nightly affirmations would begin afterwards. I heard chants, cheering, random laughs, and stomping. The stomping was so loud I thought the floor was going to give.

Lebanese showed me around the place - it was vacant with everyone upstairs. Men's room was down the hall with community showers. The lobby, vending machine area, phones, nurses station, gymnasium down the hall, and the cafeteria and group rooms were upstairs. Though the building looked from the outside as if it wad been built in the mid 80s with a light brick exterior, the interior was cheap. The floor creaked when you walked on it - and we were on the bottom floor of the building. The carpet was stain-filled and a ugly shade of grey and the walls seemed to be made of a plastic-like, indestructible material.

We ended the tour at my room - right next to the nursing station. Lebanese left me to unpacking, or rather, in my case - untagging my new clothes. She showed me my new home: a bed, dresser and a desk. There were three of each as I had two roommates. All of the furniture appeared as if it had come from one of those "unfinished furniture" places that tout good quality construction, but left unfinished so you can stain it yourself and save a nickel or two... something I've never understood, but was to be soon accustomed to.

The bed was unmade, sheets and towels folded on top of a plastic sheet lying on the thinnest, most flexible mattress I've ever been a witness to. Seriously - a plastic sheet? Do people regularly wet the bed in this place? I certainly hoped not.

So there I was at Pride Institute with fake plants, a floor about to cave in above me, unfinished furniture, a flimsy mattress, and a plastic sheet. Not exactly the Liza Minnelli treatment center motif I had imagined.

Then it sorta sunk in. My life was a wreck. Only people referred to as "messes" end up in places like this. I was alone. The commotion continued upstairs. I wondered what these people were going to be like. Would I have anything in common with them? Would I actually be able to 'get better' in this place?

Not knowing what to do with myself I walked out of my room into the common area. Roots was at the nursing station. Other than the warning she gave me prior to poking me with the TB test, she'd barely said a word to me. I walked over to her and stood there. She asked me, "so why did you come here?"

Good question. "I guess because I don't know how to live anymore. I'm trying to figure out how to live without drinking. I'm looking for some tools."

"We can help you with that. You've taken the first step."

To be continued ...

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February 19, 2005

Telling my story

A couple of weeks ago I was asked to tell my story at an AA meeting. One of the principles that's taught in AA is that if somebody asks you to do something, you do it. So I said yes. They gave me the option of doing it in a couple of days, or in a couple of weeks. I chose weeks away so I could collect my thoughts and have some time to think about what I was going to say.

Last night came and it was time to tell my story. (Of course) I hadn't prepared a bit. I actually tried to sit down and jot some notes down about different parts that I wanted to mention, but I got too nervous even making the list.

You see, I'm not a very good public speaker. It makes me nervous to even think about getting up in front of a group of people, let alone telling my life story/drinking history for 40 minutes.

But I got up. I spoke about how life was, what happened, and what it's like now - the standard AA format. Of course, this being my first time, I spoke too long about what it used to be like, a "drunkalog" if you will. There were laughs. There was understanding and empathy. There were smiles and nods of the head.

I talked about 'what happened' and how I found myself in recovery. I could tell that people could feel my pain because they'd been there themselves.

I talked about how I'd pretty much lost all hope, was in despair and didn't even know I needed help, let alone to come to AA and bare my soul. How doing those things have helped me. How working with my sponsor, working the 12 steps, and the fellowship (read: friendships built through AA) have really given me the opportunity to be who I am today.

I talked about how grateful I am of each day. How each day to me used to be a race against the clock to get to happy hour, and how now it's an opportunity to live life. I get out of bed in a hurry these days to get out of the house and start living. I'm excited about life.

All of a sudden the big lesbian in the back of the room was giving me the five minute warning. Where the hell did the time go. Good lord could I ever ramble on. And I was worried about finding something to talk about for 40 minutes? Earlier she told me that if I didn't finish on time she'd march right up to the podium, put me in a headlock, and drag me from the front of the room. Thoughts of smelling her hairy armpit made me wrap it up quickly.

Of all of the things I revealed about myself behind that podium, I found it strange the things that people wanted to talk to me about afterwards. It wasn't the internet porn career I had began, my semi-normal upbringing in small town, MN, or the exciting life I now have advertising toilets online. They wanted to talk to me about things that they related to. My sense of humor. The shopping spree I went on before going into treatment - "Isn't it fun when you're well dressed in codependency treatment and everyone else is in sweatpants?"

Oh yeah, and they also wanted me to elaborate on how I ended up touching Gillian Anderson's boobs.

It was a good experience afterall and everyone told me I was a natural speaker. It feels good to be 'out there' now. I've told my story. I hope it helped someone. It's crazy how freeing yourself of all of things you've done in your life that you're ashamed of can make you feel so relieved, and in turn, good about the life you have ahead of you.

Posted by SparklesMpls at 07:46 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

February 15, 2005

Meaning

I was in a meeting on Sunday night when Michael brought up an interesting point about how humans differ from the rest of the animal kingdom, in that we (humans) try to determine the meaning behind everything. If we cannot figure out a particular event's meaning, often times we will recreate the event in order to study it and again try to determine its meaning.

Crazy shit, but it totally makes sense.

Think about folks who continually get into abusive relationships. You'd think they'd learn, but more than likely, their next boy/girlfriend is probably very similiar to their last.

People who are abused as children grow up to be abusers (or clinically depressed).

Just made a whole lot of sense to me and helped me recognize some things about myself.

Posted by SparklesMpls at 07:48 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

February 13, 2005

Valentine's Day Eve

A year ago today I entered an alcohol treatment center. I had actually stayed sober over the previous few days - out of fear, more than anything.

Backing up a few days to my last drinks. (I refer to them in a plural sense because I don't actually remember my last drink. Does anyone in recovery?) It was Friday. Work was over and I was at the bar across the street from the office. I was there with about 20 - 30 others from work to throw a going-away party for a long-time account planner who had taken a new job. Ok, really, I barely knew her - let's be honest - I was there to get drunk.

It had been a long week (read: drinking every night, coming into work late and hung-over every morning, and coworkers were not happy with my performance), so I was more than anxious to get stupified / sloshed / away-from-it-all with a few Belvedere-tonics.

I was on number 3 or 4 and not feeling it. My week of drinking had upped my tolerance, or rather, I was probably still in a low-level drunken state all week, so I had to do something to kick-start my night.

Finally! Dave showed up. Dave was another of the agency's resident party-guys. I was sure he'd spice up the night.

He did. We decided to head down the street to some of the more lively / hop'n bars and get the partying on.

From there I remember just a few tidbits. But what I do remember was enough to give me one of the biggest guilt trips of my life. I had decided to pull a prank on my boss. I had gone back to the agency and decided to move all of his furniture down the hall.

Stupid, huh? Yeah, I'd say so.

I went in to the office the next day to try to repair the damage I had done. I tried to move everything back into my boss' office, but I couldn't find it all. The new number 2 guy at the agency was in the office over the weekend and witnessed what I was doing. He didn't ask questions.

I had broken things. I had left beer cans and cigarette butts everywhere. I had scratched up the newly remodeled flooring. I had misplaced a few computers. I had cracked CDs and picture frames.

I was shaking. Sweating. Stomach in knots. I needed a cocktail.

I went to a card party on Saturday night. I was sober going there and as I arrived they were just about to start playing Texas Hold'em. I prayed that I wouldn't draw the high card because I was still sober - and that meant shaking. I was shaking so much there's no way I could deal the hand, let alone shuffle the deck. I picked the high card. Everyone noticed. Nobody said anything.

We left the house an hour or so later. I don't remember anything for the rest of the night.

I woke up at 4:00pm on Sunday afternoon. I was home. I was alone (amazingly). A huge rush of guilt over what I had done at the office rushed over me. I was sure I would lose my job. I knew I needed help. I suddenly realized that it wasn't just that one Friday night that I had fucked up. My life had slowly, without me even realizing it, gone down a blackhole. Everything was being sucked out of it. And it hadn't hit me until now, but I was sure that my problem was liquor.

I knew three people off the top of my head who were (or had been at one point) sober. I didn't know how or why they had gotten sober, but I knew they would know what to do in my situation. One was my uncle - scratch that - he was a year and a half into recovery and was living with my parents. I couldn't take the risk of them finding out.

The second was my good friend John. He had been sober nine years and had begun drinking about a year prior to this time. I called him at home and on his cell phone - no answers. I left voicemails begging him to call me back. He never did.

The third person was my friend Rich. I had met him a few years back at a college job I had. He had been sober for almost ten years. I called him. No answer. I left a voicemail - again, begging that he call me - this was important.

I was in a panic and didn't know what to do. I started researching treatment on the internet. I knew there was a treatment center for GLBT people in town called Pride Institute. I looked up their website and began reading.

Holy shit. This looked hard. Did I really want to get myself into this? What's with all of this 'God stuff'? Maybe I could control my drinking on my own.

I didn't leave the house the rest of the day - not that there was much of that left by the time I had woken up. I didn't drink that night, and I could hardly fall asleep.

I didn't go to work the next day, and as it turns out, I wouldn't return there for another three months.

I woke up on Monday and called Pride Institute. I was crying on the phone. I told them I thought I had a drinking problem and that I needed help. I gave them my insurance number. They told me they had to run some paperwork through, but that I should go get myself a physical in the meantime and they would call me when the paperwork was completed.

I called my roommate at work and explained to him what was going on. He was shocked. "But Danny, you just need to cut back a little. Now that I think about it, I wanted to say something, but didn't think it was any of my business."

Rich called in the early evening. I told him about my problem. He was a little surprised but said he would meet me for coffee to talk about it.

A short while later I was down at Muddy Waters coffee shop sitting with Rich. I told him about the events of the past few months. How my drinking had escalated, how I'd trashed my boss' office, and how everything was just sorta falling apart.

He said something that's stuck with me since that time. He said, "I can't tell you if you're an alcoholic. Only you can make that determination. What I can tell you is that if you are an alcoholic, and you continue to drink, everything you value in your life will be taken away."

That hit me. It hit me hard because as he said it, I realized that everything in my life had already been taken away, or would be very soon.

Friends rarely called. I had pushed my family away. My home was a complete disaster. I was behind on all of my bills, mortgage included. I hadn't dated anyone seriously in 4 years. My body had gone to shit. I looked like shit. My habits at the bar had destroyed any chance I had at developing any sort of respectable reputation. I had just barely made it through a 6 credit semester at the UofM with a D and a C. All that, and, I was about to lose my job.

I was an alcoholic.

I thanked Rich and headed home.

The next couple of days are a little fuzzy, but I didn't drink. I got a physical and finally Thursday arrived - the day I was going into treatment.

My roommate arrived home from work around 6:00. He was going to take me there - I didn't want to drive myself because I didn't want my car there, and the subsequent urge to leave at any time.

I hadn't packed a thing. He helped me shove a bunch of necessities into a suitcase, but all of my clothes were dirty. I decided that since I didn't have anything clean, we may as well go shopping - and that we did.

I went crazy with the credit card at J.Crew and walked out of the mall with multiple bags in hand. We were off to Pride Institute.

We arrived there about 20 minutes later. It was lightly snowing. I walked into the treatment with a carry-on bag and a plethora of shopping bags in hand. I looked like a train wreck.

To be continued ...

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February 12, 2005

I once caught myself ...

... in the women's bathroom at O'Donovan's in Minneapolis. Some friends were throwing a going-away party for a former coworker who was moving to New York. I was moving amongst the crowd taking photos of the party attendees and suddenly realized that I had to use the bathroom. Well the mens bathroom had a line 4 people deep, but there was nobody in line next door at the ladies room, so I decided I was feminine enough anyway, I might as well reap the benefits of being gay. So I entered.

I completely forgot I had a camera in hand and it didn't occur to me how suspicous I must have looked - here was a guy, going into the women's bathroom, holding a fucking camera!

Three girls at the counter immediately turned around staring at me. Shock on their faces.

I started waving my hands around, reading the camera, and said, "Alright girls - I need some photos. Make it look like you're primping. Get your hair going, put some makeup on. We've got a show to put on." My panic turned to smiles and they actually played along. I snapped a few photos and darted.

Then I held my about-to-burst-bladder while I waited in line at the men's room.

Back at the party, the person in question (who the party was held in honor of), was busy with the girl I paid to talk to him. He was telling her about his move to NYC and his plans there. The truth was he was moving to Philladelphia - he just told everyone he was moving to New York because he was too embarassed to tell people that he was moving in with his parents.

But I'm not bitter. No, I'm not bitter that he was upset with me because I was the hit of his party. I'm not bitter that I paid a girl $10 to kiss him on his last night in town and he was nothing but rude to me.

It's hard to believe that things (okay, mostly me) have changed so much in the past year. I had no idea that my behavoir was out of control. I drank to make people like me, then to like myself, and eventually my drinking morphed me into someone that nobody liked - myself included.

Posted by SparklesMpls at 07:53 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

February 10, 2005

Damnit, Damnit, Damnit

Okay, so I installed the MT Blacklister plugin. This is a good thing, because it'll stop 95% of the comment and trackback spammers.

Unfortunately, in the process of despamming my blog, I inadvertantly deleted ALL comments.

Oh well, now I know.

Posted by SparklesMpls at 08:00 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Uptown is heavily medicated

I've not had the best day. It all ended with me at Walgreens in line for my prescription refill. I counted twenty-phucking-three people in the waiting area! How medicated is my neighborhood?!? And don't they know there are nine other Walgreens in the area????

After impatiently waiting in line for what seemed like a semi-eternity, the loudspeaker announces, "so-and-so's prescription is ready."

This woman appears from the candy isle with a basket-load of Valentine's Day candy and pushes her way to the front of the line, where she proceeds to have the pharmacy tech ring up her prescription and her candy... oh and then she pulls out the wrapper of the snickers bar she's eating because she, "just couldn't wait." The phucking-pharmacuetical-audacity of this CUNT. The culprit is in red.

Do these people not see the line stretching around the store back to cosmetics? Just because your prescription is ready does NOT give you the right to bypass the line. I was so upset at the situation that I nearly lost it. The only thing holding me back from beating this woman to a verbal-pulp was that I knew if I did I wouldn't be able to stop myself from slapping her and landing myself in jail.

I mean seriously. HELLO. I called ahead. I had my prescription waiting for me. Where's my phucking express line?

The only comforting part of my trip to Walgreens was the realization that I'm not the only heavily-medicated uptown resident.

Posted by SparklesMpls at 07:59 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

One year down. Sixty to go?

I celebrated one year of sobriety today. It was really not unlike any other day. I went to work, went to dinner with some friends, came home and chilled, and I'm about to hit the sack.

I'm truly grateful that I'm not passed out right now. A year ago I would have been. Where I would have been passed out is questionable - I don't really know. But I do know I wouldn't have the people and blessings in my life that I have today.

I'm celebrating online with a slightly new look. My header and sidebar have changed. I'm also wider these days... running 775 pixels - 75 pixels larger. Why? Because ... and I am somebody.

Posted by SparklesMpls at 07:59 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

I -heart- Google

Google just released Google Maps! It's soooo cool! You can type in an address, map a location, search for a store, restaurant, residence. Get phone numbers for addresses, and on and on and on.

And the niftiest thing is that once you've got a map onscreen, you can drag and drop it to your heart's content!

I LOVE GOOGLE!

Posted by SparklesMpls at 07:57 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

*blushing*

Charlie over at Playing For the Wrong Team has named me one of the top five sexiest gay bloggers. My ego is exploding surprise to be listed next to GeekSlut! Honestly, this isn't normally my style, but it was a nice gestsure. Thanks, Charlie.

Posted by SparklesMpls at 07:54 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

February 06, 2005

Schitzo Saturday

Had a busy Saturday. Finally got my hair cut. I was about 4 weeks over-due. It was getting so long that for the past couple of days I decided to wear it 'down' and received numerous compliments on my 'new hair cut.'

Went to a friend's house for his surprise birthday party. Great friends, food and fun was had.

It was Jim's six year sobriety anniversary today, so 14 of us went over to Mission and had dinner. It was great food! Expensive, but good.

Here are a few samples of the food, caught on my camera phone.

The night ended with a movie at David's house - who's blog I just helped setup. He'll be found at www.soberjunkie.com in a day or two (or as soon as the domain has a chance to resolve).

Tomorrow I hope to sleep in and then get an early start on the work week.

Posted by SparklesMpls at 08:03 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Sunday's happenings

Woke up around 11:00 today. Played around on the 'net and ended up updating my paypal profile when I came upon it's billpay feature - I love it. Now, I usually consider myself to be on the 'up and up' when it comes to the 'net, but I've always been hesitant to pay bills online - mostly because I don't want my bills to come out of my account until the last possible minute. I ended up setting up most of my bills in their system - I was really impressed to find that I could arrange payments for my cell phone, credit cards, mortgage, and even my car's lease payment! Now I can wait until the last day and just click a button to make the payment - which makes it much easier to sit down and pay bills when I know that I don't have to sit down for an hour, sort through all of the paperwork and just click buttons - and who doesn't love clicking buttons?

My buddy David's blog is up at www.soberjunkie.com - go check him out. He's a great guy, and my grand-sponsor in AA as well.

I went to Spy House and did coffee and crosswords around noon.

The afternoon was spent working. Then I went over to a buddy's house and had some faboo chicken curry that his boyfriend had made. I was late for dinner and my friend was upset. He said it was disrespectful. And honestly, I know it is. I get worked up when people are late, so I understood his frustration. I guess I have to work on that. We watched some of the 3rd season of Sex and the City. I've decided that I still think Steve, Miranda's boyfriend, was the most attractive guy on the show - he's so normal and cute!

From there I went to my Sunday night meeting where the guys had baked me a cake and surprised me for my one year sobriety anniversary - though they were a couple of days early ;-) It was so nice, though - it was truly pleasant, and the cake was chocolate - my favorite!

After the meeting I headed home and have been working since. About to hit the sack to get enough sleep for another busy week at work.

Posted by SparklesMpls at 08:01 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

February 02, 2005

Boats and toilets and decks, oh my

Been neglecting the blog lately with an obscene work schedule, hence the entry's title.

Spent a little while with the family this past weekend. The visit was short, but sweet.

Met with a friend who just got his second DUI. He doesn't think he's got a problem, as his drinking has never really affected his life - just that he made a poor judgment in driving. I can't say, don't really know, if he's in denial or doesn't have a problem. I just hope him the best.

Had a real scare with my property taxes. Got a note in the mail from the county saying that my property taxes weren't paid last year so they were going to put a lean on my condo - YIKES. I called the mortgage company and got everything straightened out. I owe penalties as well, but as it turns out, the mortgage company is responsible for those as well. Near heart attacks are good for your stamina, right?

Other tax news is that I received my last tax paper on the 31st of Jan and filed the same night. I'm getting a nice chunk of change back, but am putting the entire refund towards credit cards - which will bring me to about zero balance - what a nice feeling!

I got a call tonight from an unrecognized number. One aspect of the program is that you have to answer the phone. You never know when somebody might be in need, plus I've had a habit of dodging creditors in the past, so it's nice to be able to face them when I'm sober.

Anyhow, it was a buddy from AA who asked me to speak at an upcoming meeting. It'll be my first time telling my story. I'm not one to volunteer for speaking engagements, so I was just waiting to be asked. Well, it happened - damnit! I'm just telling myself that, "God doesn't put things in front of you that you cannot handle."

I'm just trying to wind down from a busy day at work at the moment and hope to spend some time with a buddy. Hope all is well in the blogosphere.

Posted by SparklesMpls at 08:05 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack