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June 28, 2004
Long weekend
Phew. I'm glad the weekend is over!
This was my first sober Pride. Well, my first full sober pride - I was once sober and backstage at the Long Beach pride while The Village People and Amber performed, but that doesn't really count.
Back to present day - It's funny how many other sober people were there... I honestly thought pride was one big drink-fest before. At least that's how I always remembered it. There was plenty-o-eye-candy about! I had wanted to take my camera, but I lost the flash memory card, so I have no pictures of any of them :-(
I especially enjoyed the sign language interpretive dance the Leather-Daddy-sign-language-interpretor was performing stage left at the smaller stage on the south end of the park. Aside from aforementioned leather daddy, there were plenty of other "diverse" people about. Working the booth, I somewhat felt like the folks in Carnivale, except there was one small difference - the 'weirdos' were on the other side of the booth!
The tea booth itself was a taxing experience - lots of manual labor hauling that shit around and we sold much less than we had anticipated, so we carried around that much more. But I'm not bitter, or sore. LOL - it's good that I can make myself laugh, right? It was also fun to watch Richard, a hunky straight guy in the program who worked the booth with me, get hit on left and right. Some folks went so far as to ask him for sex. Always jokingly of course, but there's always some truth in those comments :-) I'm sure these comments had a LOT of truth in them.
I heard on the news that the Twin Cities pride event is the 3rd largest in the nation. I'm sure New York is the largest, but who's second? Chicago's has got to be big. Los Angels as well, but then again, in LA, they have a ton of Pride's... that city is so spread out they almost have to. I would guess San Francisco would be large, as well as San Diego. If anyone knows, I'm
curious.
I met Jim from blog land, as well as Aaron - though I'm just guessing on Aaron because he didn't specifically state that's who he was, but I'm assuming :-) Of course, Jim was there and I also ran into Wanda, too. Oh, I also ran into a couple of people who were having too much fun (read: DRUNK) who have spotted me around Gaviidae or outside the building smoking. It's funny how many people recognize me from the street corner of Nicollet and 6th and say, "haven't I seen you outside smoking?" and then I respond, 'probably' and they have no other conversation to make.
It's Monday and I'm back at work now. Have a spectacular day!
Posted by SparklesMpls at 06:02 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
I hate it when
I schedule a meeting and can't get people to show up on time. I run into
former tricks in public and I don't want to talk to them. I get parking tickets.
I don't get my way.
Posted by SparklesMpls at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
You're the problem!
My sponsor told me something very valuable once - if you find that someone is getting on your nerves, it's usually not their problem, as they're happy doing whatever it is doing whatever's bothering you. It's usually something that's wrong with yourself if someone else is getting on your nerves. Does that make sense?
He also gave me some good advice on dealing with people who may tend to 'get on your nerves' if that person happens to be a friend. You've go a couple of options:
a) you learn to deal with it
b) you let the person know your feelings and they may or may not modify their behavoir
c) you stop associating with the person
I love thinking about things this way. Makes things very simple. Obviously option C is for extreme cases. Option B is pretty easy if you're open about things. And option A, although maybe not the most desireable or easiest option, seems to be coming easier and easier for me lately - I hope it keeps progressing.
Anyhow, time to call people and tell them to get their asses in here.
Posted by SparklesMpls at 05:57 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
June 25, 2004
Combining hosts
I'm moving my site over to another host so I can rid myself of an unnecessary bill - don't ask me why I signed up for a second host. Okay, it was to try out this nifty webstats package that didn't end up being so nifty afterall. Anyhow, you may see an older version of the site for a short period of time. Don't worry - nothing's been lost and the world isn't going to end :-) Everything will be back to normal within about 24-48 hours.
Posted by SparklesMpls at 06:08 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
YEAH!!!! I'm on my new host
I'm back and things should be back to normal :-)
Posted by SparklesMpls at 06:07 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
June 24, 2004
Farmers' Market day!
It's Farmers' Market day on Nicollet Mall! MMM, good, cherry turnovers right outside of Gaviidae! It's too bad the two hunky farmer boys no longer work outside of the IDS tower. At least I haven't seen them this year. It's funny, though - anyone you ask, "have you seen those two boys outside of the IDS tower" and they start jumping, "YES, YES!" I used to take strolls down Nicollet several times a day every Thursday afternoon just to catch a glimpse of these guys. Sometimes I'd
buy a single banana or cucumber.
Please come back, boys.
Posted by SparklesMpls at 06:33 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
Wax Bush!
An email from my friend
target=_blank>Jules just came in:
Ladies & Gents Want Bush out of office? Put your bikini line (or that of the one you love) where your mouth is. A friend is helping to sponsor this and they need your help! TONIGHT appts still available A waxing event at
Spot Spa Boutique
401 E Hennepin
(below Boom - door on the side)
5 to 10 pm
bikini or brazilian
call 331 4182
href="http://spotbodywork.com/" target=_blank>Spot Spa Boutique
All proceeds go to Kerry for president
Apologies to any Bush supporters.
JUST KIDDING
Posted by SparklesMpls at 06:31 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
MMMM, Yum!
href="http://twincities.citysearch.com/review/5582754/?order_by=positive&ulink=profile_2_memberreviewheader_510___review__1"
target=_blank>Jucy Lucy's at Matt's are yummy!
Posted by SparklesMpls at 06:30 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
Tea for sale!
Stop by and see me during the pride festival in Loring Park selling
href="http://www.sweetleaftea.com/" target=_blank>Sweet Leaf Tea! It's a new product the company is trying to launch in the area so I'm helping some buddies promote it at Pride. Please stop by and say hello :-)
Posted by SparklesMpls at 06:29 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
June 22, 2004
Busy Bee
Good gawd things are busy these days. Work is nuts. I like being busy, though :-) Provides stability. Just wish there were more hours in the day to provide time to relax.
I hope to work on some updates to the site here soon, but it's probably going to be a while until I get a chance as I'm going to be working all weekend at Pride selling tea and I have to get to the gym so I can look good while doing it!
... in the meantime, go check out my new Blogger friend's site at
www.wandawisdom.com - make sure to check out the videos and tell her Sparkles sent yah.
"And she looked ... just ... like ... THIS!" (points for anyone who
can tell me what movie I took that from)
Posted by SparklesMpls at 06:34 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack
June 21, 2004
Pure camp
This weekend was fantastic! Though it was nice and sunny, it never rose much above 70, so I didn't get an opportunity to work on my tan, but I'm not going to bitch too much because the rain we've had is so dreadfully depressing - the sun is a nice change. I've watched
href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0339071/?fr=c2l0ZT1kZnxteD0yMHxzZz0xfGxtPTIwMHx0dD1vbnxwbj0wfHE9Z2lybHMgd2lsbCBiZSBnaXJsc3xodG1sPTF8bm09b24_;fc=1;ft=21;fm=1"
target=_blank>Girls Will Be Girls a few times in the last week. It's pure all-out camp. Miss CoCo Peru stars as one of three main gals. You'd recognize her from
href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0162710/?fr=c2l0ZT1kZnxteD0yMHxzZz0xfGxtPTIwMHx0dD1vbnxwbj0wfHE9dHJpY2t8aHRtbD0xfG5tPW9u;fc=1;ft=105;fm=1"
target=_blank>Trick and
href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0114682/?fr=c2l0ZT1kZnxteD0yMHxzZz0xfGxtPTIwMHx0dD1vbnxwbj0wfHE9dG8gd29uZyBmb298aHRtbD0xfG5tPW9u;fc=1;ft=21"
target=_blank>To Wong Foo. "Have you ever had cum in your eye, Gabriel? It burrrrrns!" Go rent it, or better yet, go buy it.
And, along the same lines,
href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0322023/?fr=c2l0ZT1kZnxteD0yMHxzZz0xfGxtPTIwMHx0dD1vbnxwbj0wfHE9ZGllIG1vbW1pZSBkaWV8aHRtbD0xfG5tPW9u;fc=1;ft=21"
target=_blank>Die Mommie Die just came out on video, too! It's a real tribute to the old Betty Davis flicks, and it stars Jason Priestly post-i'm-an-idiot-car-crash-incident!
Posted by SparklesMpls at 06:38 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
Monkey porn
Good lord. I'm no zoologist, but I can't imagine dirtying this ape's mind is going to make him want to procreate.
Maybe this ape is gay, and maybe the ladies are too.
Posted by SparklesMpls at 06:38 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
Don't have to be crazy
... don't have to be crazy, I don't have to be crazy, I don't have...
I met with a couple of friends for coffee tonight. One was having a hard time with some roommates and an arrangement he had with them. He was so worked up over it - very agitated and couldn't stop dwelling on it. His roommate was clearly in the wrong, but his roommate's craziness was making HIM crazy - it was like craziness via osmosis!
Thank gawd I was with two more-senior-sober-than-I-people who had some great advice. One of them said a very wise thing - "You don't have to be crazy, too."
I thought that was super-fantastic. You know when you can recognize when somebody else is crazy. Deal with it and move on - don't let it suck you in.
Posted by SparklesMpls at 06:36 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
June 18, 2004
I don't want my blog
I don't want my blog to become a place for me to store my 'hot guy
collection,' but I was just reading
target=_blank>Greg's blog, who posted a comment to one of my posts, and had to share a piece of heaven I found there with all of you. Sisters, this is what we call a MAN:
man!
God bless the great American pasttime for producing left-fielder, Pat Burrell, of the Philly Phillies.
Posted by SparklesMpls at 06:43 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
Props for blogger peeps
I added a few people to my site template under the 'friends' list on your right.
Thanks to Andy at eleventh avenue south who put together a list of queer bloggers in the Minneapolis area and listed me!
Dunner invited me to get a gmail account seems super cool, but since friendster is so flaky we can't seem to be friends yet :-(
And of course Jimbo, the first person to email me after I put up my blog. He's a bundle of energy and super nice.
Anyway, I'm going to finish up transfering my blog to a different server (I'm consolidating down to one!) and head to Wilde Roast while the transfer finishes up. Todd makes the best deserts in town!
Posted by SparklesMpls at 06:41 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
June 17, 2004
Drama
So I made some of my own
target=_blank>drama last night.
Had a great dinner with my parents and brother. Though my Dad and brother both had a couple of beers, which I thought was strange. I guess I only thought it was strange because I thought they would try to be considerate and not drink around me. I probably would have thought it was weird had they not drank, because I don't want people to treat me any differently just because I'm no longer drinking ... oh well. I don't care that they did.
My mom is super-nervous all the time. Being with her in public, or even at home, is a little nerve-wracking because she's got such high anxiety. Surprisingly she was pretty well behaved at dinner - no nervous outbreaks, so I thought things went well.
Then an hour later she calls up and leaves me this voicemail, near tears, that she's sorry for what she said tonight and that she didn't intend for it to 'come out that way.' I had no idea what she was referring to. So I called her back. It was really nothing - just something we had joked about during dinner, that she thought I had taken offense to - which I hadn't. We worked it all out and things are fine now, but it's stuff like this that really makes me sad for my mom. She can't behave normally. She's always worked up about
something, or anxious, or nervous, or depressed, or crying. She's never happy, which is so sad. It's too bad I can't do more than try to be there for her, except that being there for her drives me crazy sometimes. She's another one who naturally creates drama but I don't think she ever realizes it... she is so deep in her
href="http://www.knotslanding.net/" target=_blank>drama that she doesn't seem to know where reality is anymore.
Back to work now.
Posted by SparklesMpls at 06:45 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
June 14, 2004
*waving white flag*
Gosh, I feel sorta like Doogie Howser writing every night before I go to bed. Hah. Except I'm not a 14 year old doctor ;-)
My sunburned ass was drug to Homo Depot tonight to pick out flowers for a friend's patio. It was actually sorta fun, and I saw a ton of
href="http://www.scotts.com/" target=_blank>Scotts and
href="http://www.miraclegro.com/" target=_blank>Miracle-Gro products, which is cool, since I work on their websites and rarely see the actual product. We picked up some plants and then went off to a meeting in St. Paul.
It was a really cool meeting. Huge barbecue in the backyard of a house near the
href="http://www.hazelden.org/servlet/hazelden/cms/ptt/hazl_255025_shade.html?sf=t&sh=t&page_id=26438"
target=_blank>Fellowship Club. Lots of newbies there like myself, but they were all very cool. A buddy I've met in the program, Jay, was the evening's leader. It was his duty to run the meeting and then present the topic. It was then an open forum for whoever wanted to speak on the topic. Jay picked
surrender as a topic - which I thought was a great topic, though I've heard it picked as a topic two other times, it's always a good subject.
In fact, the first time I saw
target=_blank>Jim, he was the topic presenter at the Friday night
href="http://www.pride-institute.com/" target=_blank>Pride meeting. He also picked surrender as a topic.
Anyhow, surrender for me has meant a lot of things. The first time I
surrendered was when I admitted that I needed to go to treatment, that things weren't going the way they should be, that I couldn't do it alone. I've surrendered in other ways since, and continue to surrender every day.
Many people said a lot of good things tonight. Some of the things I got out of the meeting...
- Surrender means giving up control. Since I can't control my alcoholism I have to give into it. If I admit to my powerlessness over booze, I gain the power to live my life. As people were speaking on this topic, I found myself wondering if people who 'go back out' think that they can control their addiction now. Have they given up surrendering? I guess that's what it means to me.
- Surrender means action. This is one I'm still working on, and will probably continue to work on forever. To me it means to do what people tell me to do. Not fighting to be in control. To go with the flow and take action.
href="http://www.andiamsomebody.com/jim" target=_blank>Jim told me that I have to call at least three people in the program each day. I've struggled with this, but am happy to report that I called five today! Yeah, me! I wonder if that means I only have to call one tomorrow? - Surrender means living God/Higher Power's will, not your own. And this one I know I'll be working on until the day I die, though it's probably the most important aspect of surrender.
One man spoke about the purpose of the program all boiled down to serving God and others. He said to check out page 77 in the Big Book. Hmph, I just checked out page 77 and I fear that I don't understand it. It seems to be talking about Step 9 work, making amends with those we've hurt in the past. It says not to present ourselves as doing spiritual work, so as not to be labeled as fanatics. I don't get it. Anyhow, I do see the value in service work - I truly believe
that it is probably necessary to stay sober. I guess I had better get
busy.
Posted by SparklesMpls at 06:48 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
June 13, 2004
I got a new photo gallery
I am so proud of myself - I actually installed a
href="http://www.andiamsomebody.com/gallery/albums.php">new photo gallery on my own! It makes it super-easy to manage a photo library online - LUV it.
Otherwise, I'm totally sunburned after my 3 hours at the pool today. I'm going to go try to get to sleep.
Posted by SparklesMpls at 06:53 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
June 12, 2004
Dream'n
I keep having these drinking dreams on the weekends when I get to sleep in! I've never usually remembered much of my dreams, but I know that I get the feeling that I've been drinking. On occasion I will remember exactly what I was drinking - usually a vodka tonic - but usually I just get the feeling I was whoop'n it up.
Sometimes I'll wake up from these dreams with the instantaneous feeling that I've been drinking and I feel like, 'oh shit!' and then the realization will come to me that I was just dreaming. ... and then I'll actually sometimes wake up with what I like to call a faux-hangover. It's a terrible feeling! I'll get a headache, have a foggy mind, and generally just be slow-going for a while.
I guess this is just my alcoholic mind at work. It's either craving a
cocktail (see below) or having flashbacks. Whichever the case, I wish it would get over it!
Anyway, it's supposed to be around 80 and sunny all weekend! I'm going to go up to the pool and lay out :-)
Posted by SparklesMpls at 06:54 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
June 10, 2004
Came to believe
Today is my fourth month anniversary in sobriety. Well, actually, since it's past midnight, I've got four months and one day. I also did my second step tonight with Jim. I was actually kind of nervous going into it because I don't really know where I lie spiritually right now.
What I do know is that I've come to really enjoy AA, I've met some really cool people in it, and my life has gotten a whole lot better since joining. If all I have to do is believe that a higher power can restore myself to sanity, then I guess I'm going to believe it!
My sponsir, Jim, told me that this step is something that, if you're struggling with it, you should at least try to "fake it 'til you make it," meaning that you should do what's suggested and eventually you'll get it. I don't think that I'm completely struggling with it, more like I just don't know how God is
going to restore me to sanity. I guess I'll just have to have faith.
Anyhow, we talked, I identified a lot with what he said. As a result of examining this step and continuing to work on it, I'm going to pray more often, pray in a more structured fashion, have faith, and continue to try and 'let go and let God.' "Let go and let God" was something I picked up on almost immediately while in treatment. I've always been a control freak - major character defect for me, and when something happens that I don't like, it's so nice to be able to say this little prayer to myself. It's a major relief. You surrender to the reality that you can't do anything about, have a mini-epiphany,
if you will, and just let it go. It's almost empowering in a non-empowering sort of way.
The other thing I'm going to work on is what I like to call my "karma bank." I feel like I've been incredibly blessed in my life. I've been fortunate, raised in a loving household, have a lot to be thankful for, have never really had to face any huge consequences, and I feel sometimes like I don't deserve it. Like maybe someday something really catastrophic might happen to me because I've taken out this huge karma-loan and one day I might have to pay back on it. Jim told me that I had better start doing some service work so that I can pay it back little-by-little - I think that's a great idea :-)
Anyway, off to never-never land - actually I'm just reading
href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0385507755/andiamsomeb-20"
target=_blank>A Million Little Pieces by James Frey - a memoir about a 23 year old who ends up at Halzeden with no teeth, a swoolen face, and literally nothing else.
Posted by SparklesMpls at 06:56 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
June 08, 2004
Latter Days
After seeing this film:
... I found myself seeing more and more Mormon boys out riding their bikes through the neighborhood. I had never noticed them before! Makes me wonder if they'd always been there, or if the Mormon church thought they'd take advantage of the free publicity ;-) Just kidding - they probably didn't appreciate the film too much.
Anyway, the point of my post - I saw the hottest two Mormon boys the other day. In fact, I don't recall ever seeing an un-hot one. Along the 'never noticed them before' lines. I find it funny that I had NO idea that coffee shops were filled with people in the program prior to treatment. I used to hang out in them just to socialize, read a book, or get a coffee. Now it's practically a staple in my life. I don't go more than 48 hours without visiting a coffee shop.
Posted by SparklesMpls at 07:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
Upset customer
This is just too damned funny:
target=_blank>Taco Bell patron in Iowa charged in chalupa assault
I worked at McDonalds all through high school and have many similar stories about upset customers. Dealing with these types of people has actually proven to be quite useful later in life. In fact, I've been told that I was picked for my current job because I actually had the guts to put McDonalds on my resume, aside from other, more relevant experience.
Posted by SparklesMpls at 07:00 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
The Stepford Wives
Godamn The Stepford Wives was funny! Definately a must-see. There was actually some valid stuff in the film, though, not just all comedy, camp and brainwashed housewives. There's a point where Nicole Kidman's characater, Joanna, realizes that everyone in Stepford is happy. They do their work, they smile, they're polite and they do tons of service work! Joanna decides that she's going to try
it, and for a while at least, she's happy, though she ends up with an overstock of muffins. I too sometims try to force myself to have fun. Sometimes it makes other people around me have fun, and in turn, I end up having genuine fun myself.
I'm going to be fun today!
Posted by SparklesMpls at 06:59 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
Carol Channing
If you ever want to feel your heart skip a beat, watch The Tony Awards with a room full of homos when Carol Channing walks on stage. Dear Gawd!
Posted by SparklesMpls at 06:58 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
June 06, 2004
I drink, therefore I am
I went to a meeting tonight - Saturday Night Live at the Basilica. It's a great meeting - lots of people, lots of energy. The speaker tonight was Heidi. I thought she was really good. I didn't really want to go to a meeting, but I made myself - and as is usually the case, it turned out great.
She said a couple of things that really struck me. The first being, "I drink, therefore I am." It really boils it all down to the alcoholic mindset. When you compare the statement to the original quote - 'I think, therefore I am,' it really makes sense. Drinking literally becomes your obsession, holding your thoughts, your being, your self, captive. It rules everything you do - it defines you. The statement really put things into perspective for me.
The second thing she talked about was an analogy she had once heard. She said that drinking is like stepping onto the train tracks. The engine comes first, the caboose last. The engine is what kills you - not the caboose. The concept makes complete sense. Once you have that first drink, you cannot stop, and the more you drink, the sicker you become ... but it's the first drink that gets you, not the last.
Posted by SparklesMpls at 07:03 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
June 05, 2004
President Reagan dies at 93
I wonder if Nancy said, 'Noooooo' when the heart monitor stopped beeping?
That's terrible of me. Nancy, if you're reading this, I'm sorry. Oh, and I have to say - I loved how they portrayed you in
href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0383139/" target=_blank>The
Reagans!
Posted by SparklesMpls at 07:07 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
okay, alright already!
I've had a friend bother me for not mentioning his name yet, so here it is:
Hello, Gabian!
In all honesty, Sister Hoffner has been a good friend to me since shortly after my sobriety began. He's set a great example for me as to how to live your life without the booze and dope that Broadway doesn't go for. He's introduced me to the Legion of Decency - a sisterhood of saints who live their lives preaching to those with less than ideal morals. And of course he's been a great person to
know for his vast network of sober friends, and seemingly endless list of cute boys. Other hoorays should go to Johnny H, Dave D, a host of other friends, and of course, my sponsor, Sister G, whose guidance, exemplary lifestyle, perfect manners, and gorgeous good-looks I couldn't have survived to this day without.
Ahhh, gotta run - I think I hear a fax coming in!
Posted by SparklesMpls at 07:06 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
expecting brother
Okay, so turns out that maybe my brother's ex girlfriend isn't actually expecting. Sounds like the
href="http://www.andiamsomebody.com/2004/06/and-once-again.html">incident
was more of a tactic to get him back than anything. I'm praying that's the case.
Posted by SparklesMpls at 07:05 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
June 04, 2004
Super fantastic
Super Size Me was a super fantastic film, though I couldn't believe what happened to this guy. Go see it.
Posted by SparklesMpls at 07:10 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
Super fantastic
I've had a stiff neck and back ever since I had to lift up my roommates monstrosity of a bed to get our laundry out. He had jam-packed a laundry basket underneath in a hurry. I couldn't get my underwear out, so I had to lift the bed up while he pulled out the basket. Tricky manuever, but at least I had clean underwear. Down side was that I've been sufferring with a stiffie for the past week. I finally made an appointment with a chiropractor. Good news is that he lives right down the block from me AND he could get me in today!
Otherwise, hope to catch some rays up at the pool today, and then go to the meeting at the Fellowship club in St. Paul at 7:00.
Posted by SparklesMpls at 07:09 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
I've got a stiffie!
I've had a stiff neck and back ever since I had to lift up my roommates monstrosity of a bed to get our laundry out. He had jam-packed a laundry basket underneath in a hurry. I couldn't get my underwear out, so I had to lift the bed up while he pulled out the basket. Tricky manuever, but at least I had clean underwear. Down side was that I've been sufferring with a stiffie for the past week. I finally made an appointment with a chiropractor. Good news is that he lives right down the block from me AND he could get me in today!
Otherwise, hope to catch some rays up at the pool today, and then go to the meeting at the Fellowship club in St. Paul at 7:00.
Posted by SparklesMpls at 07:08 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
June 03, 2004
Michael Moore does it again!
target=_blank>http://www.michaelmoore.com/Michael Moore's new film is actually going to be distributed! After ABC/Disney initially contracted to distribute the film, they backed out after political pressure got the better of them. The film looks shocking. Check out the website for the trailer. It opens June 25th - save the date!
Posted by SparklesMpls at 07:11 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
June 02, 2004
It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood
Today started out busy. Busy is good when you don't want to think, and I didn't care for thinking today. I spoke with my mom for about 45 minutes. She's continuing to dramatize. It's almost like she watched too many episodes of Rescue 911 with William Shatner, where every segment contains a 'dramatization' disclaimer, only she chose to ignore that and thought they were filming events in real life. Funny coincidence - she used to work with a guy who was featured on Rescue 911 - he was a cop who, while in pursuit of an assailant, was shot in the family jewels... uh, I mean jewel.
Anyhow, I continued with the 'uh-huh's' and listened. For a short while today I was agonizing over the thought of speaking with her. She's been very dependant on me lately - much more so than usual, and when I try to end the phone conversations, she suddenly says, "why?" ... like I should have hours to spend on the phone all day. Really, I think she's just paranoid, deluding that I don't want to talk to her.
But I digress. I was not looking forward talking to her today as I was afraid she would still be losing it. And when she loses it, I tend to lose it. Luckily, she seemed to be somewhat normal (i.e., not crying) so things went okay. I called my sponsor and we went for a walk around Lake Calhoun today. We had about 3 weeks of rain and today was the first sunny day. TONS of eye candy, and I don't mind candy. The day ended up alright, and I'm still here :-)
Posted by SparklesMpls at 07:12 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
June 01, 2004
And once again
... I am going to be an uncle.
I've got 2 older half brothers, 2 older half sisters and 1 younger (full) brother. All older siblings are married and have children - 6 nieces and nephews total. I just found out this evening from my mentally ill mother that my younger brother got his ex-girlfriend pregnant. It's the same story with every girlfriend he has. My mother becomes embedded in the relationship and will speak praise on high of the girlfriend, always commenting that she, "hopes he holds onto this one." As soon as they break up she changes her attitude to, "well she
wasn't quite perfect and she wasn't helping to promote a healthy lifestyle by doing all of his cleaning and laundry for him."
Well, this last one, who was 'studying to be an orthodontist,' and who my mother was desperately trying to convince my brother to marry (presumably for some financial stability) has planted a firm grip on my brother's life, and my mother's, and my family's.
Apparently they broke up. Then the girlfriend informed my brother that she was pregnant with his child. My brother wanted her to have an abortion. She wouldn't hear of it.
A few days later my brother had some friends over to watch a movie, when she walked in. She saw another girl in attendance and proceeded to the kitchen, where she found the largest knife available. She returned to the living room and attempted to attack the other girl. My brother wrestled the knife away from her. She returned to the kitchen, found another knife, and locked herself in the bathroom, threatening suicide. My brother had to kick the door in to keep her
from hurting herself.
Talk about a cry for attention.
No wonder my mother identified with her so well.
Anyhow, she spent three days in the psych ward and my brother is now planning to sue for full custody once the child is born. Funny enough, the ex-girlfriend called my mother to talk. My mother has continued conversations with this girl under the premise that she is 'taking notes.'
What a frick'n mess. I'm trying not to be dramatic about this; I'm trying not to let it affect my well-being. But it's got me down. It's more drama, more turbulence, more unhappiness, and more for my
mother to feel victimized about.
Oh well - just another day in sobriety.
Posted by SparklesMpls at 07:13 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
