… and I am Somebody male. in my thirties. recovering alcoholic. live in minneapolis. work in progress. gay. serenity please.

Vanilla Ice – a Star?

04.09.2007 · Posted in Absurdity

ice banner
I’ve seen this banner all over myspace lately. I can’t pull myself past that imaginary line to actually click on it. Questions arise – what sort of company would associate themselves with this guy? And furthermore, what sort of person would actually want to date him? I fear that the answer to this last self-posed question is “exactly the type of person using myspace.” Moi? Exactly. I think I just talked myself into going to click on that banner to figure out what the hell these people are promoting!

I mean just think! Who else do you know that was able to come out of the late eighties / early nineties as a white suburban rap star with hair like he did? With roots in Motocross, he was the first white rapper to release a platinum album. His early rise to celebrity status came quickly after the release of his debut album, after which he landed a performing role in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze, modeled some print campaigns for Nike – hell, he was even voted one of the 50 Most Beautiful People in the World by People Magazine in 1991. (Put that last one in your pocket for the next Trivial Pursuit edition).

After a long hiatus back in the Motocross biz, releasing a couple of albums, spending some time flat-lining while overdosing on illicit substances, Ice made his return on The Surreal Life, VH1’s series featuring the likes of Charo, Flavor Flav, Ron Jeremy and Dave Coulier.

Okay, so I know a little bit about Vanilla Ice, and maybe, just maybe I would like to pick his brain over dinner. Sue me. Who else can honestly say that they’ve performed with Donatello, Raphael, Leonardo, and Michaelangelo? The bragging rights and the stories to tell alone would be worth it… sorta like that time I touched Gillian Anderson’s boobs.

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