… and I am Somebody male. in my thirties. recovering alcoholic. live in minneapolis. work in progress. gay. serenity please.

Searching for serenity

06.27.2005 · Posted in Absurdity

I am posting this because it definitely worked for me and we could all use more serenity in our lives. By following the simple advice I heard on a Dr. Phil show, I have finally found inner peace. Dr. Phil proclaimed the way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started. So I looked around my condo to see things I started and hadn’t finished; and before leaving the home this morning I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of White Zinfandel, a bottle of Bailey’s, a bottle of Belvedere, a package of Oreos, the remainder of both Prozac and Valium prescriptions, the rest of the Cheesecake, some saltines and a box of Chocolates. You have no idea how freaking good I feel.

12 Responses to “Searching for serenity”

  1. God, Dr. Phil is such an ass. If I was going to see a therapist, he is the LAST person I would want to work with… and that is my professional opinion as a Counselor. Ugh.

  2. What kind of cheesecake?

  3. Dan, Some people may not realize you are being sarcastic, of course I know that you have never left a bottle of booze not finished, so obviously you are joking!

  4. Is there therapy for people that hate having bottles with only one serving left?

  5. I’d never thought that Dr. Phil had half a clue, but you’ve opened my eyes with this fine advice.

  6. I was anticipating all those unfinished projects you were going to blog about. And instead I got happy hour. You got me on that one. Perhaps I’m too literal 😉

  7. Dan,

    I loved this post. I am all stressed out at work at present with it being the end of Financial year madness that we go through every year at this time, but this post cracked me up. So you make at least one corporate suit in a fruit loose it at work on the other side of the world. So thanks for making me laugh, sweetie.

    Bodhi 🙂
    Sydney, Australia

  8. Bodhi – glad you could get a kick out of it. I was in a similiar setting when I read it 🙂

  9. Hmmmm. I think you should market this as a new self-help book. Or a diet book. Or both.

  10. … and I am somebody: Searching for serenity

    … and I am somebody: Searching for serenity

    Hmm, I remember early in sobriety when I still had the liquour cabinet and freezer full of Vodka. My sponsor at the time insisted that I had to get rid of it. I, of course, wanted to keep it. You neve…

  11. I hate Dr. Phil. You should call in, get on his show, and proclaim something like this to him. Wait for him to retort, and do it again. Then laugh in his face and call him an idiot. Really, just try and make him cry, like he does to all of his guests.